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June 2, 2023

A Binge too Far #32: The Cloverfield trilogy (2008 – 2018)

Posted by Christos Mouroukis

Stunning promotional art from Cloverfield (2008)

I somehow missed the opportunity to watch the three Cloverfield films (2008 – 2018) when they were first released, but I just corrected this wrong and I present you my brief thoughts right here.

Cloverfield (2008) poster

Cloverfield (2008)

Set in New York, this is about Rob Hawkins (Michael Stahl-David) who is about to leave for Japan, and his brother Jason (Mike Vogel) throws a farewell party for him (the guests are a mixture of city professionals and hipsters), all of it recorded on a camcorder by their common friend and all around nerd Hud (T. J. Miller). It all seems to be going normally well, other than the break-up the protagonist has with his kind-of girlfriend Beth (Odette Annable) whom he’ll leave behind. That is until massive explosions rock New York, but this time around it is not religious extremists but rather several monsters, with at least one of them being of Godzilla proportions.

Amidst the panic resulted by the aforementioned threat the players mentioned above try to survive, along with a couple of friends (including the gorgeous LizzyCaplan), as they encounter the army and their bombs (trying to save the day). The protagonist is desperate to reunite with his estranged (and physically hurt by a building collapse) girlfriend, while Hud keeps recording their entire journey.

On the wake of the third wave of ‘found footage’ horror [the first being initiated by the Cannibal Holocaust (1980) ignition, the second byThe Blair Witch Project (1999) phenomenon, and the third by the Paranormal Activity (2007) brilliance] – a genre known for attempting to cover the usual no-budget resources with supposedly amateur camera recordings – comes this very original take that combines the usual shaky camera approach with big-budget special effects extravaganza, which makes sense considering it was produced by J.J. Abrams and Bryan Burk on a $25 million budget, no less. This is a very original idea, but essentially a wasted opportunity, serving only as an anomaly, albeit one that will be remembered forever for grossing a massive $172.4 and generating a very successful franchise.

Remember, this was made in 2008 when your average Joe still didn’t know how to use a camcorder (not to mention that he/she didn’t have Instagram, a reason enough to develop photography skills) and this is depicted in the directorial approach of Matt Reeves for the sake of authenticity, but it can be vomit-inducing when seen today, more than a decade later. The film is also anxiety-inducing and very stressful throughout, as it will have you constantly biting your nails. Full of explosions, CGI, helicopters, and whatnot, it also benefits from some very engaging characters, not to mention that it also managed to cram a love story in it as well.

10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) poster

10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

Making a Psycho (1960)-like escape from her fiancé, Michelle (the ultra-gorgeous Mary Elizabeth Winstead), she soon has a car crash and ends up chained in the bunker under the farm of paranoid middle aged man Howard (John Goodman), where he also keeps Emmett (John Gallagher Jr.), supposedly because the air outside is contaminated either due to a Russian nuclear attack or one from Mars. As the two youngsters try to escape, they will soon realize that there is indeed a terror of massive proportions waiting in the outside world.

Originally developed as a claustrophobic horror that would be called The Cellar, this was then transformed to a sequel of Cloverfield (2008), one in which at the hands of debuting director Dan Trachtenberg ditched the ‘found footage’ format and wisely went with a conventional approach, albeit one that still remained tense and captivating throughout. Produced by J.J. Abrams on a modest $15 million budget, it went on to gross a hefty $110.2, making it apparent that we would see more of the same.

The Cloverfield Paradox (2018)

On the wake of the destructive energy crisis an international team of scientists travel deep in space in order to save the world when they encounter alternative realities and much more hideous happenings.

Originally developed as a full-blown sci-fi epic that would be called God Particle, this was then transformed to a Cloverfieldsequel, one in which at the hands of director Julius Onah(his second feature) it became an Alien (1979) homage of sorts. By remaining nightmarish and grotesque throughout this is a very captivating experience, although less captivating than the previous two films in the franchise. Produced by J.J. Abrams on a $45 million budget, it premiered on Netflix.

Afterword

At some point Paramount Studios were developing A Quiet Place (2018) as a potential fourth film in the Cloverfield series, but thankfully the plan was ditched and it was released as a stand-alone feature in its own right. However, J.J. Abrams is now known to have been working on another sequel for the franchise, so there will be definitely be more on our way.

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May 1, 2023

A Binge too Far #31 – Spawn of the Top Gun duo (1986 & 2022)

Posted by Christos Mouroukis

Top Gun (1986) promotional still featuring Tom Cruise

This month we take a brief look at producer Jerry Bruckheimer’s Top Gun duo (1986 & 2022).

Reviews:

Top Gun (1986) poster

Top Gun (1986)

Maverick (Tom Cruise) is a talented but dangerous fighting pilot, who due to a series of events is appointed to the title’s select division team, where he will fall in love with teacher Charlie (Kelly McGillis), besides her student’s risk-taking approach to flying.

Surprisingly for a film directed by Tony Scott [True Romance (1993)], and despite the numerous accolades it received upon its release (it was nominated for four Oscars and won one of them – namely for the ‘Take My Breath Away’ song that is heard an enormous amount of times throughout the whole picture), not to mention the fact that it ‘cleaned’ the box-office (it went on to gross $357.3 million, on a budget of a mere $15 million, becoming a blockbuster phenomenon that turned aviation into a cool thing), this slow talk-fest is basically about a couple falling in love. Other than the grand finale that involves a bit of aircraft action, this is very boring, and is only somewhat salvaged by its many unintentionally homoerotic themes, including plenty of sweaty shirtless men.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022) poster

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

After all these years of flying and building an impressive track record, Maverick (Tom Cruise) should rank higher in the aviation field, but due to his stubbornness and a series of other unfortunate events take him back to the Top Gun division, this time as a teacher and finally leader of a special mission.

Directed by Joseph Kosinski [Tron (2010)], this is hands down a better picture than the original, toning down the romance (although it is not entirely absent, it is thankfully not at the focus of the story) and gambling heavily on the action (the finale in particular, is breathtaking), as things should not have been different with its massive $170 million budget (I still don’t understand how this appeals to mass audiences as it grossed more than $1.4 billion). The only thing that is worse than in the first film is the soundtrack, which is only salvaged when the previous themes and songs are recycled.

April 11, 2023

Spirit Animal Movie Review (2019)

Posted by PeggyC

I love being able to meet indie horror film makers at conventions. It’s usually because I’m set up next to or near them, and I end up staring at their DVDs and posters all weekend. My first Cinema Wasteland was no exception. I was set up across from Nekroshark Films and writer/director Madeline Deering. While the poster for another unfinished film got my attention, I was able to get my hands on a copy of this movie to review today.

Madeline was super cool to talk to and I really like the story idea for this flick. Is it perfect? No. Is it really good? Also no. But it’s not the worst film I’ve ever seen and I enjoyed quite a few bits of it. Let’s break it down.

The basic premise of Spirit Animal is simple – a serial killer murders people while wearing different animal masks and using different kill methods that are dependent on the victim. The killer is guided by a sentient tree in the forest that wants to destroy humanity because we’re fucking up the planet.

Makes sense.

The film opens with a couple ads, very much like the Atomic Swans films I’ve recently reviewed. Are they real places? Fuck if I know but I’ll tell you this, after seeing the ad for Dingo Pizza, I really REALLY wanted to eat pizza.

Cut to a ‘bartender’ slinging beers and telling us, the viewer/customer, about this weird VHS tape he found by the dumpsters. He then proceeds to break down the two tasks we must do: 1. Play the smell-o-vision scratch card game when certain numbers pop up on screen (I, unfortunately, did not get one); and 2. Play the Spirit Animal drinking game. Every time a shark is on screen, take a drink. Every time you see the plushy shark, take two drinks.

If I’d actually played along, I would have died of alcohol poisoning before the 2^nd half of the film.

THEN we get to the actual movie, which is a twenty year flashback to a camp, a bunch of kids, and a counselor who’s making them figure out which spirit animal they are – or will be after they die.

Nothing like a little bit of heavy existentialism right before bed, eh kids?

The remainder of the film takes places in the present and a bunch of people are going out to the woods to camp, hang out, and have some fun. Unfortunately for them, the killer, Aarav Niktomi, is about to pee in everyone’s proverbial personal pools.

As you can imagine, indie horror is a bit rough. Very low production value, skilled actors are few or non-existent, lame writing/dialogue, sound and lighting unbalanced, and cinematography who? While there are weak aspects in this film as well, it’s actually much better than I expected.

For once, the sound was well balanced. The sound effects didn’t make my ears bleed while the dialogue belonged in your local library. Most of the special effects were practical. I’ll take those any day over crap CGI. There were some digital effects but not enough to irritate.

I really enjoyed the kills, for the most part. Like I said, the practical effects were fun and probably ‘death by pizza cutter’ was my favorite. But each character was killed in a different way. Tim, who always used plastic straws and littered the ground with them, had his brain sucked out through one by the killer wearing a shark mask while he screamed about how straws ruin the ocean.

I told you...NO MORE PLASTIC STRAWS! EVAR!!!

While the acting is less than stellar, I really liked the character of Lisa. She was probably the most and best developed (she had a backstory with an abusive ex-boyfriend) and I think she was the only smart character of the bunch. Very sympathetic, likeable, and I wondered why she was friends with any of these fools.

I actually have several places in my notes where I typed out ‘haha’ in capital letters, just so I wouldn’t forget them. The humor does fall flat a lot but it hits the mark more often than not. Some basic silliness, sneaking in lines from other terrible films, but I probably laughed the most during the ending credits. Lots of little jokes and asides in there, especially what were obviously things said by the cast and crew about the director, Madeline.

And someone correct me if I’m wrong, but did Andrea sing the camping song from Sleepaway Camp 2 when she was drunk in front of the fire? I need a fact check!

I thought the story itself was very original. Allowed for a lot of creativity and humor while presenting real environmental horrors that happen every day. And while I don’t condone killing off humanity to save the planet, I do understand why it might seem like a viable option. Particularly to a sentient tree who bears the brunt of human’s destructive nature.

Now, with that said, there are a lot of faults in this flick, too.

Aside from Lisa, none of the characters matter. They’re either irritating or just…there. Even the killer couldn’t make me care about his cause, one-liners and quips not withstanding. I couldn’t be bothered when characters died. I just wanted them to shut the fuck up (except for the two chicks lost in the woods looking for a party – that actually cracked me up, though I remained untroubled at their deaths).

Would you like a taste of my banana?

The pacing dragged ass about halfway, which most films do. But while I understand hyperbolic humor, if there’s no action in a scene after about ten seconds, the viewer starts to tune out. Only Tom Hanks can pull off a peeing-for-thirty-seconds scene. And don’t get me started on the expo-dumps and ravings about how shitty humanity is. The killer’s mask-themed jokes were funny at first but by the third one, I just wanted it to end.

Postproduction sound is not good. The dialogue synching was mediocre at best and completely distracting; lighting is pretty bad for the night scenes; continuity lacked; some gaping plot holes. If this cleansing the world of humanity ritual can only happen every 1000 years, why did Aarav mention that it happened last time 20 years prior? Aarav says he’s not the only one (wanting the ritual) but we never circle back around to that idea. How does having a banana allergy make a victim of a banana attack melt into green goo?

Head scratching indeed.

So while this film isn’t really that great, as far as indie horror goes, I have to say I enjoyed it more than I thought possible. Maybe next time I’ll try the drinking game with a few friends and see if it’s any better. Perhaps at the next Cinema Wasteland…? I am excited to see if Bathtub Shark Attack, the movie poster that actually caught my attention, will screen at the fall CW show. I’d like to see what else Nekro Shark Films and Madeline Deering have to offer us in the future.

2.5 hatchets (out of 5)

April 1, 2023

Static Age #24: The Mad Death (1983)

Posted by Christos Mouroukis

The Mad Death (1983) DVD box art

This Static Age’s spotlight goes to BBC’s miniseries The Mad Death (1983) which consists of three hour-long episodes (all of them directed by Robert Young, written by Sean Hignett, based on a novel by Nigel Slater), and is about an epidemic that plagues England after an infected cat gets smuggled into the country and spreads a rabies-like disease that turns humans into crazed maniacs. In the end it is the army against the infected animals, which is an interesting scenario, but unfortunately most actors here don’t look like soldiers, and most animals look too cute to be menacing. However, this is eerily relevant and well-made, as well as haunting horror television at its best.

And now, let’s switch our focus towards some recent series…

Wednesday - Season 1

The 1^st season of Netflix’s Wednesday (2022 – present), ‘from the imagination of Tim Burton’ (who directed half of the episodes) and based on the Addams Family comic strips and cultural phenomenon, is focusing on that peculiar family’s titular daughter (played by an excellent Jenna Ortega) who is sent by her parents (Luis Guzman and Catherine Zeta-Jones) to a school she dislikes and where she will have to solve a murder conspiracy that involves monsters. This is the show all the cool kids should like and is done with affection and brilliance, not to mention gorgeous dark aesthetics, and if that’s not enough Ortega’s dance sequence (to a tune by The Cramps, no less) is the best in the history of the medium and was choreographed by her.

The 5^th season of The Handmaid’s Tale (2017 – present) is about the trauma that plagues June Osborne (Elisabeth Moss) despite the great revenge she managed to tackle during the previous season’s finale, but with Serena (Yvonne Strahovski) still alive and back in Gilead, the Waterfords seem to not have said their final word. Deep, thoughtful, artistic, and well-made, this show is one of these rare occasions when the fact that it raises more philosophical questions than it can answer, works in its favor.

Irma Vep - Season 1

The Irma Vep (2022) mini-series is about American actress Mira Harberg (Alicia Vikander) who goes to France in order to work with an acclaimed director on the remake of the legendary Les Vampires serial. Suffering from a lack of any sense of real plot of dramatic progress, and focusing on the daily lives of a cast and crew of disillusioned artists, this is more about tone and aesthetics rather than any kind of storytelling, and as such it outstays its welcome rather quickly even at a mere 8 episodes long. However, all the main actresses are gorgeous beyond belief in a European way that they make the end result bearable. The title cards’ song is completely out of place and ridiculous.

Based upon Stephen King’s same-titled classic horror novel, the limited series The Stand (2020) is about a plague that has wiped off almost the entire population of our planet and is focusing on a grand battle between survivors. Amazingly current and sadly relevant, this only loses points for involving the supernatural too much, whereas a straight approach grounded more in realism would be more sufficient. What’s also unfortunate is the lack of any sense of real threat, a bad sign when you’re watching a supposed thriller. It is not without its merits though, as the set design is a work of art the rocking soundtrack is well-chosen and well-placed, and even Amber Heard and Whoopi Goldberg are providing decent performances.

Directed by Bryan Singer, the sole episode of Mockingbird Lane (2012) brings back the beloved ‘Munsters’ family for a new generation, but it does so unremarkably as it is desperate to include gore gags that seem out place and is rounded by an inappropriate cast. The CGI are primitive as well, and overall I don’t understand why many people like this TV special.

Loki - Season 1

The 1^st season of Marvel’s Loki (2021 – present) finds the titular god of mischief (the handsome Tom Hiddleston) without his powers and going through a much more human story, full of emotions. A great show, and at a mere 6 episodes long it’s a joy to watch.

The 1^st season of Marvel’s I am Groot (2022 – present) consists of five episodes featuring stunning animation and fresh comedy delivered in short sketches. They are entertaining, but in at least a couple of them Groot (Vin Diesel) comes across as an asshole.

The sole season of Marvel’s WandaVision (2021) is a fresh take on the superhero genre as it takes the classic sitcom approach of filmmaking and it comes across as nostalgic and warming. The show is about the suburban life of superheroes Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) and Vision (Paul Bettany), but never mind the plot, you should focus on the charming aesthetics instead.

Set in the 1950s Kansas City, Missouri it is a scenario featuring African-American gangsters against Italian-American gangsters in the 4^th season of Fargo (2014 – present), offering snow and crime in equal measures, as well as wide spaces and Western-like aesthetics and shootouts. Needless to say, it comes highly recommended.

Gomorrah - Season 5

The 5^th, final, and best season of Gomorrah (2014 – 2021) finds Don Genaro (Salvatore Esposito) lower in the annals of Neapolitan organized crime, following a series of events that made him a wanted man both by the authorities and competitive gangs. Will he rise as a phoenix in the series finale? His biggest obstacle will be the return of ‘The Immortal’, or Ciro di Marzio (Marco D’Amore, who also directed several episodes) who will form his own clan and swears to revenge his once-brother. Possibly the best series to ever come out of Italy, this is well-made, authentic, and enjoyable for fans of the gangster genre.

And now, please allow me a word on some recent mainstream film releases…

Glass Onion: A Knives Out...

Written and directed by Rian Johnson, Netflix’s Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022) was shot in Greece on a gigantic budget of $40 million and it is such a lavish production that manages to look even bigger on screen (the set and costume design are stunning). Benefiting from a stunning cast that includes Daniel Craig, Edward Norton, Kate Hudson, Dave Bautista, and Ethan Hawke, this murder mystery has plot twists that you’ll never see coming, and just enough comedic elements to sweeten the proceedings. When it comes to ‘whodunit’ films we prefer gialli in these shores, but if you’re looking for something in the Hollywood vein this will do the trick.

Based on the book by Louis Bayard, adapted by Scott Cooper (who also directed), Netflix’s The Pale Blue Eye (2022) is a murder mystery that Augustus Landor (a mustached and bearded Christian Bale) attempts to solve, and later on claims the help of Cadet Edgar Allan Poe (Harry Melling). Slow burn and tonally dark – both elements work in the film’s favor – this also benefits from a great cast (Toby Jones and Gillian Anderson are also on board), but is let down by its mildness (the story definitely allowed and asked for more grittiness and an edgier approach).

Lady Chatterley's Lover (2022) frame

Netflix’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover (2022) directed by Laure de Clermont-Tonnerre, is about Connie (the gorgeous Emma Corrin) and the relationship she forms with handyman Oliver (Jack O’Connell) upon feeling neglected by her terrible husband (Matthew Duckett). Based on the classic and then-controversial book D.H. Lawrence, this adaptation is obviously not aimed for the target group the original material or the former cinematic adaptations were, but takes the ‘housewife’ approach, as the end result is focusing more on the love story and less on the strong eroticism, or its commentary on classicism. Still it is a very enjoyable film and rather beautifully shot, as the exteriors and the love scenes are really well-done.

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio (2022), now streaming on Netflix, tells the classic story of carpenter Geppetto (David Bradley) who upon losing his only son, crafts a the titular wooden child (Gregory Mann) that upon coming to life, helps him with grief and the overall Italian 1930s fascism surroundings. With expertly crafted stop-motion animation and voiced by a great cast (other than the aforementioned players we also get Ewan McGregor, Ron Perlman, John Torturro, Cate Blanchett, Christoph Waltz, and Tilda Swinton), this may be a very sad tale for younger audiences (talcling strong subjects such as loneliness and loss), but it is a work of art nonetheless.

Not to be confused with John Carl Buechler’s 1986 classic – how could it be, anyway? – Netflix’s big budget extravaganza Troll (2022), directed by Roar Uthaug (who also wrote the story, which was turned into screenplay by Espen Aukan) is about the titular monster that was recently and accidentally (not to mention, irresponsibly) awaken in the Dovre mountain, and is now on a destroying rampage that is about to have its crescendo in the city of Oslo. This Norwegian film is as simplistic as these monster movie blockbusters can get, but it is so well-done, engaging, and entertaining, that you’ll forgive its flaws. Surprisingly for such a thing, the women in the film are really strong, and on another plus note we also get a Ramones reference.

Written and directed by Rob Zombie, The Munsters (2022) may be aesthetically perfect and rich when it comes to popular horror references, but it lacks drive and storytelling as the plot – about Lily (Sheri Moon Zombie) falling in love with rock-star Herman (Jeff Daniel Phillips), much to her father’s (Daniel Roebuck) objection – is much too think to keep you interested. Rob Zombie has proven he’s capable of helming some pretty important films within the horror genre, but he’s also responsible for some serious duds, and this falls in the latter category.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Marvel’s Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022), directed by Ryan Coogler (who also penned the screenplay, with Joe Robert Cole), finds the people of Wakanda mourning the death of their king, and their desperate search for a replacement upon the threat of an invading enemy army. Featuring stunning production design (the costumes and sets are a breathtaking combination of African tradition and technological evolution), but suffering from superhero clichés (predictable CGI and battles, as well as terrible soundtrack choices), this is still one the studio’s better works from the last few years and therefore comes recommended.

And also, as unlikely it might be for me, I read some fiction books: Franz Kafka’s Die Verwandlung (1915), Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale (1985), John Grisham’s The Appeal (2008), Paul Garrison’s Robert Ludlum’s The Janson Command (2012), Alberto Garlini’s La Legge dell’odio (2012), Fernanda Melchor’s Temporada de Huracanes (2017), Margaret Atwood’s The Testaments (2019), Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (2021), and Ashley Flowers’ All Good People Here (2022).

March 1, 2023

A Binge too Far #30: Revenge of the Nightmare Alley duo (1947 & 2021)

Posted by Christos Mouroukis

Nightmare Alley (1947) frame featuring Coleen Gray

Nightmare Alley (1947) poster

Nightmare Alley (1947)

Stanton Carlisle [Tyrone Power, later in Rawhide (1951)] is a mentalist (a fancy word for a con artist) that works a sideshow of a travelling circus, but his talents and determination elevate him to a greater showman and win them success and the girl of his dreams [the stunning Coleen Gray, later in The Vampire (1957)], but she cannot follow his every scam and will prove essential to his downfall.

Written by Jules Furthman (based on the same-titled novel by William Lindsay Gresham) and Directed by Edmund Goulding, this Carney-centered melodrama (it is little more than a love story in a nice setting) is surpassingly (for the era it was made, when the 1930s circus-styled exploitation pictures were already old news, if not entirely dodgy) affectionate to its subject matter, and even goes out of its way to raise important and well-thought questions about religion. As far as 1940s noirs are concerned (and this is not totally one, but can qualify due to its moody black and white cinematography, as well as the dooming fame fatale, among a few more elements in it) this wasn’t a great success at the box-office, but time has been kind to it and it is now regarded a classic by the genre’s aficionados.

Nightmare Alley (2021)

Stanton Carlisle (Bradley Cooper) is a talented hustler and mentalist that takes his sideshow spectacle at a failing carnival to the next level and sold out shows in legit venues, with the assistance of Molly Cahill (the stunning Rooney Mara), but once he dips his toes too deep into uncharted waters, he meets his match and sets himself up to failure and doom.

Directed by Guillermo del Toro (who also wrote the screenplay with Kim Morgan) and featuring an all-star cast (other than the aforementioned lead couple we also get Cate Blanchett, Willem Dafoe, and Ron Perlman, among others), this stellar remake takes everything to the next (Hollywood) level with breathtaking production design and attention to detail, but whereas it was loved by critics and fans alike, it failed at the box-office, possibly because its story is difficult to gel with today’s audiences.

February 16, 2023

Rise of the Ninja and Tales of Time (movie shorts) Reviews

Posted by PeggyC

Here we are again, folks. I’m wrapping up the reviews for the short film/shorts that I got from Atomic Swan Films last year in Flint. And, funny story, I ran into Tyler Zickafoose (the man behind ASF) at a convention in Monroe a couple weeks ago. I was a little worried he’d be mad that I mostly trashed the films I’ve reviewed so far. But he was gracious and super cool, and said his friend was actually mad that I gave a GOOD rating to one of the films.

Huh…whodathunk?

Well, let’s see what happens this week as I review Rise of the Ninja and the anthology, Tales of Time.

For Rise of the Ninja, I think the basic story is about Tommy Toyota, a drug dealer, who goes to sell some cocaine to Mamasan. Somehow, a blind ninja get tangled up in their dealings and vows revenge on the thugs who beat him up.

I mean…

Yes, this film was sixty minutes, the longest project ASF has made. But I think short, Pedie the Clown, raised my expectations too high because I was sorely disappointed with this offering.

The faults, for me, were:

The pacing drags major ass.
There’s a lot of singing going on for a non-musical film, so it felt like filler, making the sixty-minute running time completely unnecessary.
The humor falls flat most of the time.
The dialogue is nonsensical. It felt like while Tuan wrote the story, he may not have developed dialogue and figured, “Well, I’ll just make shit up as I go along.” Please don’t do this.
The audio was mixed - sometimes done well, other times uneven, either too loud or too soft.
While Tuan was hilarious as the solo actor in Pedie the Clown, that set up didn’t really work here. He’s playing multiple characters so he can’t act or react off the energy of another person. That also subjects us to his character explaining what’s going on instead of just showing us.
Because of #6, the editing looked choppy.

The good stuff, for me, was:

The early humor was enjoyable, and I honestly liked how Tommy kept pulling out his gun and aiming it at inanimate objects that didn’t work properly (his phone, the toilet, the briefcase, etc.). As the blind ninja, Tuan did that “mouth moving but no sound is coming out” mimicry of many early Asian action films when the dubbing was truly awful.

Actually, that’s about it. Except for another joke about a “disturbance in the chalupa” for a couple characters having intestinal distress making me chuckle, most of this movie was a total mess and a total miss. With the disorganized story and dialogue, this was an exercise in futility.

.5 hatchets (out of 5)

Tales of Time

The second DVD I got is an anthology of short films. Y’all know how I love a good anthology. The main problem right off the bat, though, is the listing of film titles. The back of the DVD case only lists three titles and there are four films. And even the films themselves don’t all have title screens. So whatever I list below are just my guesses.

".357 (357)"

The first short shows us two people listening to a radio broadcast. The guy is clearly stressed out about the state of chaos going on outside, while the woman is begging him to listen to her. He argues that she’s been bitten by an infected person and now he’s gotta kill her before she turns.

I actually don’t want to spoil this for you because it was so well done. It’s probably my favorite of the bunch. Sure, it looks like an indie horror and consists of only two casts members. But don’t let that idea turn you off. The story is good, the suspense and tension are well-maintained, and the reveal gave me the sads. I mean, really. If any movie can connect to me emotionally, it’s job is 50% complete. And this one got me.

"20 Seconds (The Longest 20 Seconds)"

Just a guy sitting and having an internal monologue, questioning stuff, while random images flash on screen. For twenty seconds.

I…I don’t get it. Especially since I couldn’t hear one fucking word.

"Experiment 7734 (??)"

A man has kidnapped and restrained another man. Through the dialogue we come to learn the kidnapper is having an affair with the kidnappee’s wife. Seems the wife is sick of her married life and wants her lover to get rid of her husband.

Seems like a simple story, yes? Sure it is. But the way it’s delivered is smart. We watch a hybrid of a split screen and one scene overlaying the other. One shows us the lover driving around in his car, the other shows us the exchange between him and the husband. Once you realize what’s happening with the lover in his solo scene, it’s actually genius. I honestly got chills and said, “Whoaaaa”, out loud while I was watching. So good and definitely my second favorite.

"Seven/eleven (??)"

We watch as a clearly distraught man arrives home. As he guzzles some beers, one roommate on the easy chair just stares at him while his other roommate is blasting loud music. The man is clearly distressed but the loud music roommate doesn’t give a fuck and in fact, flips off the man. Well, this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back as the man goes to the kitchen and grabs a giant knife.

You can guess how this ends, right? You’d probably be mostly correct. What’s great about this short film is the style. It’s black and white with no audio. We can’t hear the blaring music; we can’t hear the man screaming in frustration; we certainly don’t hear the murder. We have to go on facial expressions, movement, and emoting. The main actor, Dustin James, did such a great job of showing emotions throughout the story. The audience knows exactly what he’s going through. I’m not sure how this guy is in speaking parts, but for this film, he was great.

So, surprisingly, this collection of films was my favorite. Despite that head scratching 20 Seconds one, these were solid offerings of indie horror.

4 hatchets (out of 5) – sorry, Tyler’s friend. I liked this one, too.

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