by David Hayes and Kevin Moyers
Long before we were punished with the world's worst prequel trilogy, rumors led us to believe that George Lucas was planning on making nine
Star Wars films. Many assumed that since the first six episodes were made that numbers seven through nine would close out the series. We were all wrong. What follows are the three sequels that will never be filmed.
Episode VII: A Wookie Home Companion
After the downtime that Chewbacca suffered through post-
Return of the Jedi, he sought out future reality show guru, Mark Burnett, and put together a pilot for a Do It Yourself-type of show. Way ahead of his time, Chewbacca patterned his show,
A Wookie Home Companion, after the highly-successful PBS outing,
Old Yankee Workshop, fronted by the perennially flannel-clad, Jewish cobbler Norm Abrams. Although Chewbacca was very skilled, mostly from impromptu repairs on the Millenium Falcon, test audiences reacted poorly to his on-air persona. Each of the audience members felt that the information and handyman knowledge they received from Chewbacca was priceless, his constant howling and poor sportsmanship with guests. Court cases began to pile up as dismembered specialty workers, like Leon the Spanish Tile guy, sued for punitive damages after having his arms ripped off by the
Home Companion's host. Apparently, he did not let the Wookie win. Rumor has it that Chewbacca only took the role in the disastrous third
Star Wars prequel in order to pay the legal fees.
