A Binge too Far #51: The Firestarter duo (1984 – 2022)

 

Drew Barrymore as Charlene in Firestarter (1984)

Stephen King’s Firestarter (1980) horror novel about a young girl with the rare ability of pyrokinesis is one of the best examples of his early work, and it was adapted for the big screen as a blockbuster film in 1984, a mini-series in 2002, and a bombastic remake ensued recently, in 2022. For this article we give a brief look to the two theatrical releases, while the mini-series will be tackled in the next instalment of the more appropriate Static Age column.

 

Firestarter (1984) poster

Firestarter (1984)

 

While hippies in college and desperate for money, Andrew McGee (David Keith) and Vicky Tomlinson (Heather Locklear) participated in a medical experiment that involved a dodgy hallucinating drug. Most of the participant had horrible side-effects, but the protagonist couple gained the power of telepathy. What’s more, years later, their daughter Charlene (Drew Barrymore) inherited a variation of the power, in the form of pyrokinesis. Now the government (specifically a team lead by Geoge C. Scott) is after the young girl and her ability to set things on fire.

 

Looking like a John Carpenter film all the way through (and the horror legend was indeed attached to the project early on), this 1980s horror classic was instead directed by Mark Lester [a masterful craftsman who in the next year would offer us the last word on action cinema, in the form of Commando (1985)], and while it is a bit slow during its first half, the finale becomes a spectacle like no other, with real fire special effects dominating the proceedings (the generous $12 million budget allowed the film to look big and rich). It’s a pity that it didn’t set the box-office at fire though, as it grossed a mere $18.9 million in worldwide rentals.

 

Firestarter (2022) poster

Firestarter (2022)

 

Andrew McGee (Zac Efron) and Vicky Tomlinson (Sydney Lemmon) participate in a medical experiment involving a hallucinating drug that ends up giving them the powers of telepathy and telekinisis. As a bizarre result, their daughter Charlene (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) ends up with the power of pyrokinesis, and is now the most wanted person by the Department of Scientific Intelligence (DSI) that wants to study and use her ability to set the world on fire, literally.

 

Produced by Jason Blum and Akiva Goldsman (for Blumhouse Productions and Weed Road Pictures) on a comparatively generous $12 million budget (that cannot explain the terribly CGI fires on display) and with director Keith Thomas [The First Omen (2024)] at the helm, this plays like a standard modern horror programmer, that is never scary, nor atmospheric. The score by John Carpenter (who finally got involved with this), Cody Carpenter, and Daniel Davies is much better than the actual film. It was hated by critics, and it grossed a mere $15 million, but audiences caught up with it on Peacock.

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John Carpenter's Vampires (1998) Movie Review

I saw this years ago. And if memory serves, it’s just terrible. I don’t know if it was the directing or the writing or some amalgamation of all aspects of putting a film together but the resources (aka actors) were completely wasted. 

Let’s see if it still sucks, no pun intended.

Based on the novel by John Steakly, John Carpenter’s Vampires is the story about Jack Crow, a very angry man whose parents were killed by vampires when he was but a wee lad. The Catholic church took him in and raised him to be a vampire slayer, which is a win win for both parties - Jack gets to channel his angsty teenage years into productive use and the church gets someone to help rid the world of evil.

After Jack’s crew is slaughtered by a Master vampire, Cardinal Alba sends Jack on a new mission: to find the Black Cross, an ancient religious relic that was, technically, responsible for the creation of vampires (oops, our bad). Valek, this latest Master, was the subject of a reverse exorcism back in the 1300s that went horribly wrong. Though the ritual was never completed, Valek became the first vampire. If he gets his hands on this Black Cross, he’ll be able to complete the ritual that will allow him and all vampires to walk in the light. 

And that would just be awful because only sunlight and a steak through the heart can kill them.

Complicating things, or perhaps helping them out, is a freshly bitten hooker, Katrina. Her short lived telepathic link to the Master will help Jack and his Number Two, Anthony, track Valek down and hopefully stop him before he can get his hands on the cross. Unfortunately, Valek KNEW Jack would track his movements this way because he actually needs Jack for a very specific purpose.

Here we see a drove of Douche Bags in their natural habitat.

You’ll just have to watch and find out what that purpose is, if Jack succeeds in stopping Valek, and the oh so shocking turn of events that puts all their lives in jeopardy.

Yeah, this is just as bad as I remember.

I haven’t read the original novel so I can’t compare it to the film. I like the idea of the band of slayers going around ridding the world of vampires. It’s a bit trite that they’re lead by Jack, whose parents were killed by vampires so he has the whole revenge motive going on. And the group originally starts off like they're special forces or something but it becomes glaringly obvious early on that they aren’t as organized or tough or smart as we’re made to believe. 

I mean, they know a Master wouldn’t leave a nest all alone (of which these guys just decimated) but hey, let’s celebrate anyway with a night of drinking and debauchery that would make Nero blush. What could go wrong?

There are a few times where we get the old ‘info dump’. Instead of showing us what’s going on, one or more characters just talk it out: the telepathic link, Jack’s upbringing, the Black Cross, Valek’s beginnings, etc. Very lazy.

I don't always act in crappy films. But when I do, John Carpenter directs them.

A few eye rolling moments: the slayers stay at the Sun God Motel. Really? Jack walks around in sunglasses most of the time, even indoors, and that is supposed to make him look like a hard ass or something. Even when the Master bites the hooker, he goes for her inner thigh so it looks like he’s sucking on a few other things. I know vampirism is basically a metaphor for sexuality but that’s a little bit TOO on the nose, you know what I mean?

Actually, I kinda liked that part.

I did like the idea that the slayers keep a priest in the group at all times. And, anyone who knows me will see this as no surprise, I loved Valek. He was a great vampire. The scene were he and seven other master vamps rise up out of the ground one night is the best part in the movie. 

That’s kind of pathetic, now that I’m thinking about it.

Otherwise, this is just a terrible film. Don’t get me wrong. I loved most of the actors in this. James Woods is brilliant in everything else I’ve seen him in. But for some reason, Carpenter just couldn’t direct the actors in any way that made their characters believable or even likable (except Valek - but that has a lot to do with me being in love with vampires).

I can only assume John Carpenter’s name precedes the title because the author didn’t want anyone to think his novel was this shitty.

1 Hatchet out of 5

Remake Everything

by Kevin Moyers

With the rumor that Dwayne Johnson will star in a Big Trouble in Little China remake swirling around, I've had the wonderful opportunity to read grown adults whining like spoiled children that this is wrong. This is an atrocity. This should be illegal. John Carpenter (the director of the original) shouldn't let this happen. Whoever thought of this should die. They're ruining the original. Blah, blah, blah, whine, cry, bitch, whine.

Stop it. Stop it now.

Don't get me wrong. I've been guilty of this same idiotic behavior in the past. I've dumped all over Tim Burton for re-imagining everything. Honestly, I only think I did it because I hated the word re-imagining. The point is, I was wrong, and it was a complete waste of time for me to complain about something that really didn't matter. I like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I'm sure I've seen it ten or more times since I was a kid. I've seen three minutes of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Why? Because I didn't want to watch it. I like the original, and the remake didn't appeal to me. Nobody forced me to watch it, so I didn't. Better yet, nobody took the version I enjoy away.

Do you get that part? The one you love IS STILL THERE.

Movie Review: Body Bags (Blu-ray)

Scream Factory has been going above and beyond with some really fine treatment of John Carpenter’s classic films on Blu-ray. Just this year we’ve seen excellent releases of The Prince of Darkness, Assault on Precinct 13 and what could possibly be their best Blu-ray release this year in The Fog. During the early 90’s Carpenter put together an anthology along with genre great Tobe Hooper for Showtime called Body Bags. Here, Carpenter directed two of the films -- Hair and The Gas Station, and Hooper directed The Eye. Much like Creepshow, Carpenter also does a frequently humorous and gory wraparound piece where he plays a mortician who uses the bloody corpses to tell the stories unfolding.

The Gas Station is the first in the anthology and this is a straight-up slasher with some sprinklings of humor. It follows a young, attractive women and her new job as an overnight gas station attendant. She’s alone the whole night after reliving the evening shift attendant (Robert Carradine, Revenge of the Nerds). Creepy red-herrings are strewn about here in the form of a bum played by Carpenter regular, Buck Flower (They Live) and a drunk played by horror great Wes Craven.

The bodies gradually start to pile as someone is wandering about the darkness surrounding the gas station and hacking up folks. The premise of The Gas Station is routine but it starts a fun pace for the film and has an enjoyable performance by Robert Carradine.

Movie Review: Halloween XXX (Smash Pictures, 2011)

Reviewed by: James DePaolo

Jim Powers is to porn what Alfred Hitchcock is to suspense. When you think of the porn industry, you see directors that are on the cutting edge of how to take their fan base into this fantasy land that we watch on screen our deepest fantasies and perverted thoughts are acted out for us. You had to know it was a matter of time that the porn parodies would start to target horror films. While back in the day, we had films like a porn version of Re-Animator and Exorcist, I always felt that those were so lame and just uninspired. Last year, Evil Head showed mainstream horror fans that they should be more open to porn, and a ton of mainstream sites (ours included) had that film in their top films of 2012.

Now, the mad genius behind The Babysitter series and countless other series jumps into a porn parody of Halloween. I think this film could also get non-porn fans to warm up to porn. Like all Jim Power films, I feel porn and the fantasy world he creates takes a back door to the comedy element. This film has an odd sense of humor that you just know the people behind the film are fans of this film and loving doing this parody. Sort of like the original film, Michael Myers kills his slutty older sister, and like the film 15 years later he escapes the hospital and comes home. Now, comes the twist, Laurie this time around is a schoolgirl that Michael seems to be lusting after.

Movie Review: Halloween (35th Anniversary Edition, Blu-ray)

When John Carpenter and Debra Hill unleashed the original Halloween on moviegoers in 1978, horror would never be the same. The success of Halloween brought on hordes of rip-offs - even the equally lucrative Friday the 13th series was a cash-in. This amazing feat in independent cinema a testament of the magic created by the team of those talented young filmmakers and actress, Jamie Lee Curtis. I don't know how many times I've seen it but I do know I've seen Halloween on just about every format. The latest Blu-ray release of Halloween has some nice little upgrades on quality on the previous release - but is it worth the upgrade?

Halloween hits the viewer instantly with a fantastic opening P.O.V showing a young Michael Myers lurking around his house, grabbing a knife and slowly going up the stairs where he goes to off his very naked sister. This is a textbook way to open a horror movie in my opinion. It is horror, right? Carpenter is aware of what he wants do - and that's to scare the shit out of you.

Movie Review: Prince of Darkness (1987, Blu-ray)

It's been twenty plus years since I begged my mom to purchase Prince of Darkness on pay-per-view so I could watch it on our murky tube TV. Seeing that it has now made its debut on Blu-ray in a special edition from Scream Factory - a company no stranger to bringing John Carpenter's best to the digital format - should please anyone looking to see this very versatile director at his finest.

When some scientists and college students decide to take their teachings and studies to another level after being given information by a priest (The legendary Donald Pleasance, Halloween) about a mysterious green liquid being stored in vat they jump at the chance at finding out its significance. Once they all get set up in the church with various devices that assist in detecting any sort of activity they become trapped by a horde of psychotic homeless people led by rock icon Alice Cooper.

John Carpenter's Body Bags and Assault on Precinct 13 coming to Collector's Edition Blu-ray!

A Horror Trilogy from the Master of Terror

JOHN CARPENTER PRESENTS BODY BAGS

Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™+ DVD Combo Pack

UNZIPS on Home Entertainment Shelves NOVEMBER 12, 2013

&

John Carpenter’s Acclaimed Thriller

ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 COLLECTOR’S EDITION BLU-RAY™

Starring Austin Stoker, Darwin Joston, Laurie Zimmer

STORMS into Stores EVERYWHERE NOVEMBER 19, 2013

This November, high-tension suspense, action and fright collide when SCREAM FACTORY™ unleashes JOHN CARPENTER PRESENTS BODY BAGS Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™+ DVD combo pack on November 12, 2013 and John Carpenter’s classic siege thriller ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™ on November 19, 2013.

For the first time on Blu-ray™, JOHN CARPENTER PRESENTS BODY BAGS features John Carpenter as a creepy-looking coroner introducing a trilogy of blood-curdling tales: “The Gas Station” (starring Robert Carradine, Revenge of the Nerds and Alex Datcher, Passenger 57), “Hair” (starring Stacy Keach, The Bourne Legacy), and “Eye”(Directed by Tobe Hooper, Poltergeist, and starring Mark Hamill, Star Wars). With special appearances by Deborah Harry (Scarface), Sheena Easton (Miami Vice), Twiggy, David Naughton (An American Werewolf in London), John Agar (Tarantula), David Warner (The Omen) and cameos by notable horror film legends Wes Craven (A Nightmare on Elm Street), Tobe Hooper (Lifeforce, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), Sam Raimi (The Evil Dead), Roger Corman (House of Usher) and Greg Nicotero (The Walking Dead), this pulse-pounding horror collection delivers a fright-filled night of terror to remember. This must-have collector’s edition features an uncut anamorphic widescreen  presentation of the film (for the first time both on DVD & Blu-ray™) and is packed with exciting bonus content, a collectible cover featuring newly rendered retro-style artwork and more.

Delivering more terrifying perils and action suspense, John Carpenter’s acclaimed pre-Halloween thriller ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 all-new Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™ hits home entertainment shelves everywhere on November 19 from Scream Factory. This definitive edition release of ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 boasts a bounty of all-new special bonus content, a collectible cover featuring newly rendered retro-style artwork, a reversible wrap with original theatrical key art and much more!

***Avid fans and collectors please take note: those who order JOHN CARPENTER PRESENTS BODY BAGS Collector’s Edition and/ or ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 Collector’s Edition from ScreamfactoryDVD.com will receive the respective exclusive 18”x24” poster featuring the newly commissioned artwork!  These are only available while supplies last.***

Pre-order now at:

BODY BAGS on Amazon.com

ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13  on Amazon.com

Movie Review: The Fog (Blu-ray, 1980)

John Carpenter's classic Halloween opened up some excellent opportunities for the talented writer/director/composer. One of those was the chance to direct a follow-up to the box-office hit with Halloween II. While certainly pleased there was a sequel, he declined and chose to do something new, something fresh, a film that would take him away from the slasher and give him a chance to bring audiences into the supernatural horrors that are... The Fog. Scream Factory has taken The Fog, restored it and given it their widely praised "Collector's Edition" label in their latest release from the popular line specializing in retro-horror.

When an immense fog begins to cover the quiet town of Antonio Bay, the fisherman and soon the townsfolk begin to perish for . The fog, is death to these people and what’s inside the fog is unstoppable. Stevie Wayne (Adrienne Barbeau, Creepshow, Swamp Thing) is literally in the “thick’ of things as our damsel in distress radio DJ. She and some like-minded individuals are looking to get out of dodge as soon as possible to avoid getting a hook through their throats courtesy of the mysterious creatures traveling in the fog.

John Carpenter's "Prince Of Darkness" to Debut on Blu-ray from Scream Factory!!

Get ready for the ultimate presentation of the heart-pounding supernatural thriller by heralded master of horror director John Carpenter (Halloween, The Fog, They Live) as the long-awaited PRINCE OF DARKNESS Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™ and DVD invade home entertainment shelves everywhere on SEPTEMBER 24 from SCREAM FACTORY. Available for the first time on Blu-ray, this collector’s edition is brimming with insightful extras, including new interviews with John Carpenter and Alice Cooper, special audio commentary and much more!

Donald Pleasence (Halloween), Jameson Parker (Simon & Simon), Lisa Blount (Needful Things), rock icon Alice Cooper, Victor Wong and Dennis Dun (both from Carpenter’s Big Trouble In Little China) star in this gripping suspense thriller on the terrifying battle between mankind and the ultimate evil.  A group of graduate students and scientists uncover an ancient canister in an abandoned church. When they open it, they inadvertently unleash a strange liquid and an evil force on all of humanity. As the liquid turns their co-workers into zombies, the remaining members realize they have released the most unspeakable horror of them all. Terror mounts as the team must fight to save the world from a devilish fury that has been contained for over seven million years.

Movie Review: Christine (Blu-ray)

Man's fascination with the automobile - specifically the sports car - seems to never go away. To some car enthusiasts it's for it's become a replacement for a relationship. After watching Twilight Time's Blue-ray release of John Carpenter's Christine after about 20 years from the last time a viewed it, I couldn't help but remember an old neighbor I used to have who was similar to the title character. Our neighbor, Mr. Rushing, was a portly angry s.o.b who loved to show off his corvette to the neighborhood. He'd baby the thing and treat it with more love than both his wife and kids. At one point, in public, at a barbecue he slapped the shit out of his eight year-old because the kid sprinkled water on the car's tire. Father of the year, he ain't.

Stephen King may have seen a few of these guys during his life, which may or may not have inspired his popular best-selling novel. The only thing really different from my neighbor is that in King’s vision we have little possession sprinkled in with the obsession. And, it's also entertaining.

Arnie (Keith Gordon, Dressed to Kill, Back to School) is an awkward teen who doesn't have too many friends aside from a jock named Dennis, (John Stockwell, Top Gun). Naturally, he's not much of a ladies’ man either - that is until he meets Christine, a 1958 Plymouth Fury from hell. No one will get in the way of Arnie’s obsession with Christine – not his parents, a group of bullies or even his new girlfriend. She’s a true fatal attraction.

Movie Review: Halloween II (Collector's Edition, Scream Factory)

When John Carpenter’s classic Halloween premiered in 1978 to overwhelming praise from the press and a not too shabby take at the box office for an independent horror feature it was inevitable that production of a sequel would go into full swing not long after. There was a catch though, Carpenter and writing/producing partner Debra Hill would return, but Carpenter would pass the directing duties to the capable eye of Rick Rosenthal. Would it suffer with Carpenter’s absence behind the camera?

Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis, Terror Train, and Halloween) has just been taken by an ambulance from the house where her brother, Michael Myers (Dick Warlock) savagely attacked her. Michael's wounded too, but he’s such a tough hombre that Dr. Loomis’ pea shooter, and 20 foot fall onto his back wasn't quite enough to put him deep in the depths of hell.

Movie Review: They Live (Blu-ray/DVD Combo)

Reviewed By: Rob Sibley

“They Live” will always be one of my favorite John Carpenter films. Shot back in 1988 and starring the almighty Roddy Piper. Shot on a shoe-string budget of 4 million dollars, John Carpenter is able to make every single dollar appear on screen. At first what appears to be a rather screwball concept, a drifter (Piper) wonders into town looking for work. He's a blue collar dude, not a super hero, he's an everyman, a man we can root for. Well it doesn't take long for Piper to figure out somethings going on...

He grabs a pair of shades (Ray Bans no less) and when he puts them on, he sees he's surrounded by aliens and alien propaganda. That's where the film gets really interesting. Now I know if your reading this review, you've seen and love “They Live”. So I don't need to convince you that it's an excellent film. But I won't spoil certain plot points because I'm sure there is still a younger audience out there who love John Carpenter but who haven't seen this film yet.