Christmas Horror Capsule Reviews

I realize there are more holiday movies to watch than I could fully analyze. So I thought it might be fun to do capsule reviews of holiday horrors that are available on streaming services. Obviously, I don’t have access to all of them so let’s hit up what’s on Tubi.

And if you don’t know what Tubi is, why are you even here? You’re obviously not one of us. Off you must fuck.

DISCLAIMER: I decided to just highlight Tubi because after watching nine films, I wanted to set myself on fire. Ain’t no way I can watch the twenty offerings remaining on Tubi, let alone manage everything else on Prime, Shudder, YouTube, and Netfl…well, maybe not Netflix.

Do. Better. Netflix. (But don’t get rid of your Korean dramas, I beg you.)

Annyeonghaseyo

Holiday Hell

A woman goes into a curio shop to find a Christmas gift for her sister. The shopkeeper regales her with the terrifying tales of different items.

Jeffrey Combs. That’s it. That’s the only reason you need to go watch this. Do it. NOW. Seriously, this is the best film on the list and has a nice, if not predictable, little twist at the end.

 

Hell on the Shelf

A movie of found footage from a paranormal investigative crew in a supposedly haunted house.

Nothing new here. The origin story is about a pair of twin boys who fought over an Andy Elf doll, a doll that possesses whoever touches it and brings a bad fate, and one boy ends up dead. Terrible acting. Cheap effects for camera footage. Don’t worry about blinking and missing something because there’s nothing subtle here. It’s like Ghost Adventures up in this bitch, and I don’t mean that as a compliment.

 

The Killing Tree

Years ago a psycho killed a bunch of people he thought didn’t celebrate Christmas the right way. After his execution, his grieving widow puts his soul into a Christmas tree. Now he can continue his murder spree and finally kill the one that got away.

Just terrible; goofy special f/x; incredibly thin plot. Everything is awful.

It really is

The 12 Slays of Christmas

Three titty women become stranded in a snowstorm and take shelter in a mansion owned by a creepy old dude. He shares a plethora of terrifying tales with them, twelve to be exact.

The creepy old man, Ignacio Harrington (great name), is a fun character and the actor is fantastic. The three women can’t act for shit and the one who plays Christine looks like she has pink eye. It’s very distracting. But this is a most egregious self-service “film.” The twelve tales are basically trailers or snippets from eleven different Full Moon features, and the twelfth slay was the three women turning into monsters and killing the old man. Ooops, spoiler alert. This was a trailer compilation disguised as an anthology. As much as I love Charles Band, I was kinda mad when I finished this up. Luckily, it’s only forty minutes.

 

Sister Krampus

Two sisters visiting Europe during Christmas time cross paths with Sister Krampus, bride to the horrifying anti-Claus.

The nun gets involved with Krampus after Mother Superior kicks her out of the convent for DARING to be raped by American Soldiers (during WW2). In the present day she binds herself to one of the sisters. Not really sure why but do I care? No. Should anyone? Also no. The only important part is that after destroying the nun, Krampus is so relieved to be rid of the bitch that he restores life to murdered loved ones of the women who helped him out.

I just…ugh.

 

He Knows

Masked killer Sammy the Elf kills all the naughty folks in a small town during the holidays.

Sammy the Elf is pretty damned creepy and I loved the practical effects for the kills. But the end…whaaaa?

Nutcracker Massacre

A novelist visiting her family at Christmas becomes reacquainted with a mysterious Nutcracker doll with a mind and agenda of its own.

Okay, the “doll” is actually a 6’ figure. Who the fuck has a 6-foot tall Nutcracker in their house? The characters are poorly written; the story is the most convoluted bullshit ever. However, points for practical effects and a literal nutcracker death. But Patrick Bergen…what the fuck happened to you that you’re involved with this pile of shit?

 

Psycho Santa

The husband half of a bickering couple, traveling to a family gathering, teases his wife with stories about the legend of a backwoods killer Santa.

While I can appreciate the tales about Santa’s murder spree being shown instead of told, the acting is awful, obligatory nudity tiresome, and the back and forth from the stories to the couple driving gets boring after a while. There is SO MUCH FUCKING FILLER in every scene. This could have been thirty minutes shorter. In fact, it should never have existed at all.

 

Psycho Santa 2

The still alive but burned Psycho Santa from part 1 returns to kill everyone. Or something. I JUST CAN’T. You’re on your own to watch this one.

Cocktails engaged…

Slayed

Five years after a Christmas Eve massacre destroyed a small community, the murderer returns. But someone is ready for him.

Not really ground breaking stuff going on here but the acting is better than most everything else on this list. I have to admit to really digging the characters of Crandle (who was on scene for the original massacre five years prior) and Jordan (the new security guard with a secret – or not really; it’s kind of obvious actually.)

 

All righty. That’s all I could handle this time around. Maybe I’ll try to do this every year but spread it out over a few weeks so I don’t need to get blackout drunk in order to survive with my sanity intact. But I’ve linked the trailers for the capsules and for each offering in the list below.

 

Happy Holidays!

 

Elves

Nights before Christmas

Chrismassacre (no trailer available)

All Through the House

Santa Claws (couldn't find a trailer for this - it's from 1996 if that helps!)

Once Upon a Time at Christmas

Good Tidings

*Jack Frost

Mother Krampus

Christmas Craft Fair Massacre

*A Christmas Horror Story

All the Creatures Were Stirring

The Christmas Tapes

Black Christmas (2006)

*Better Watch Out

Unholy Night

The Santa Suicides

Hogfather

Amityville Christmas Vacation

A Christmas Slay

Silent Night Bloody Night

*Christmas Evil

Slay Belles

*Rare Exports

Bunch of Riff Trax: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians; Magic ChristmasTree; Santa Claus; Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

 

*These are actually very well done films, or so bad they’re highly entertaining, so I do recommend you watch them.

Rise of the Ninja and Tales of Time (movie shorts) Reviews

Here we are again, folks. I’m wrapping up the reviews for the short film/shorts that I got from Atomic Swan Films last year in Flint. And, funny story, I ran into Tyler Zickafoose (the man behind ASF) at a convention in Monroe a couple weeks ago. I was a little worried he’d be mad that I mostly trashed the films I’ve reviewed so far. But he was gracious and super cool, and said his friend was actually mad that I gave a GOOD rating to one of the films.

Huh…whodathunk?

Well, let’s see what happens this week as I review Rise of the Ninja and the anthology, Tales of Time.

For Rise of the Ninja, I think the basic story is about Tommy Toyota, a drug dealer, who goes to sell some cocaine to Mamasan. Somehow, a blind ninja get tangled up in their dealings and vows revenge on the thugs who beat him up.

 

I mean…

Yes, this film was sixty minutes, the longest project ASF has made. But I think short, Pedie the Clown, raised my expectations too high because I was sorely disappointed with this offering.

The faults, for me, were:

1. The pacing drags major ass.
2. There’s a lot of singing going on for a non-musical film, so it felt like filler, making the sixty-minute running time completely unnecessary.
3. The humor falls flat most of the time.
4. The dialogue is nonsensical. It felt like while Tuan wrote the story, he may not have developed dialogue and figured, “Well, I’ll just make shit up as I go along.” Please don’t do this.
5. The audio was mixed - sometimes done well, other times uneven, either too loud or too soft.
6. While Tuan was hilarious as the solo actor in Pedie the Clown, that set up didn’t really work here. He’s playing multiple characters so he can’t act or react off the energy of another person. That also subjects us to his character explaining what’s going on instead of just showing us.
7. Because of #6, the editing looked choppy.

The good stuff, for me, was:

1. The early humor was enjoyable, and I honestly liked how Tommy kept pulling out his gun and aiming it at inanimate objects that didn’t work properly (his phone, the toilet, the briefcase, etc.). As the blind ninja, Tuan did that “mouth moving but no sound is coming out” mimicry of many early Asian action films when the dubbing was truly awful. 

Actually, that’s about it. Except for another joke about a “disturbance in the chalupa” for a couple characters having intestinal distress making me chuckle, most of this movie was a total mess and a total miss. With the disorganized story and dialogue, this was an exercise in futility.

.5 hatchets (out of 5)

 

 

Tales of Time

The second DVD I got is an anthology of short films. Y’all know how I love a good anthology. The main problem right off the bat, though, is the listing of film titles. The back of the DVD case only lists three titles and there are four films. And even the films themselves don’t all have title screens. So whatever I list below are just my guesses.

".357 (357)"

The first short shows us two people listening to a radio broadcast. The guy is clearly stressed out about the state of chaos going on outside, while the woman is begging him to listen to her. He argues that she’s been bitten by an infected person and now he’s gotta kill her before she turns.

I actually don’t want to spoil this for you because it was so well done. It’s probably my favorite of the bunch. Sure, it looks like an indie horror and consists of only two casts members. But don’t let that idea turn you off. The story is good, the suspense and tension are well-maintained, and the reveal gave me the sads. I mean, really. If any movie can connect to me emotionally, it’s job is 50% complete. And this one got me.

 

"20 Seconds (The Longest 20 Seconds)"

Just a guy sitting and having an internal monologue, questioning stuff, while random images flash on screen. For twenty seconds.

I…I don’t get it. Especially since I couldn’t hear one fucking word.

 

"Experiment 7734 (??)"

A man has kidnapped and restrained another man. Through the dialogue we come to learn the kidnapper is having an affair with the kidnappee’s wife. Seems the wife is sick of her married life and wants her lover to get rid of her husband.

Seems like a simple story, yes? Sure it is. But the way it’s delivered is smart. We watch a hybrid of a split screen and one scene overlaying the other. One shows us the lover driving around in his car, the other shows us the exchange between him and the husband. Once you realize what’s happening with the lover in his solo scene, it’s actually genius. I honestly got chills and said, “Whoaaaa”, out loud while I was watching. So good and definitely my second favorite.

 

 

"Seven/eleven (??)"

We watch as a clearly distraught man arrives home. As he guzzles some beers, one roommate on the easy chair just stares at him while his other roommate is blasting loud music. The man is clearly distressed but the loud music roommate doesn’t give a fuck and in fact, flips off the man. Well, this is the straw that breaks the camel’s back as the man goes to the kitchen and grabs a giant knife.

You can guess how this ends, right? You’d probably be mostly correct. What’s great about this short film is the style. It’s black and white with no audio. We can’t hear the blaring music; we can’t hear the man screaming in frustration; we certainly don’t hear the murder. We have to go on facial expressions, movement, and emoting. The main actor, Dustin James, did such a great job of showing emotions throughout the story. The audience knows exactly what he’s going through. I’m not sure how this guy is in speaking parts, but for this film, he was great.

 

So, surprisingly, this collection of films was my favorite. Despite that head scratching 20 Seconds one, these were solid offerings of indie horror.

 4 hatchets (out of 5) – sorry, Tyler’s friend. I liked this one, too.

Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast 
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

Silent Screams: Waxworks (1924)

The anthology film is popular in the indie world, especially with genre filmmakers. This popularity is predicated on the notion that it is 'easier' to make a series of short films and compile them as a feature with a wraparound story. A vast majority of these schlock-y, shot on video masterpieces are in direct response to Stephen King's Creepshow (1982). Which was a response to Hammer's early Tales from the Crypt (1972). Which was heavily influenced by Paul Leni's Waxworks (Das Wachsfigurenkabinett) from 1924. This was, quite possibly, the first feature-length anthology.

Movie Review: "Screams of a Winter Night" (1979; Full Moon Pictures/Dimension Pictures/Code Red)

…ah, yes…having recalled ever so fondly, it was a starry, crisp and brisk Friday the 13^th evening, when back in ’79, this budding film collector/reviewer (…then, a snot-nosed sophomore in high school…and yes, doing my very first movie reviews for the school newspaper, at the time) and his jaunty, rag-tag band of school chums, jam-packed ourselves into a weathered rag-top Jeep Renegade, and barreled down the road to the northern parts of downtown Pasadena, right smack dab in the greater San Gabriel Valley area…the destination?? The slick, brand new, freshly carpeted hole-in-the-wall Mann’s Hastings multi-plex theater therein, just up a suburbia-fettered hill, on the darkened outskirts of the town’s street-lit main drag. You see, we were unanimously dedicated to that particular theater, on this fine summer evening, especially after having been privy, for nearly a week previous, of an irresistibly creepy little TV broadcast movie trailer, advertising an obscure, lil’ under-the-radar horror flick, alluringly called “Screams of a Winter’s Night”…

Monsters in the Closet (2021)

Even though this film’s trailer intrigued and excited me, I still had that uneasy feeling that comes with most indie films. It’s not often that these flicks succeed and I was worried my hopes would be dashed against the rocks of mediocrity. Fortunately, my psyche experienced only slight battery over the 88-minute running time.

Monsters in the Closet is about a recluse writer who suddenly dies. His estranged daughter goes to his house to do what all surviving family members do – rifle through his shit. Interrupted for only a moment by her father’s publishing house representative about getting their hands on his last work, Jasmin gets to her dad’s house to find a laptop with a recorded video, just for her.

Aside from not taking any responsibility for his aloofness and terrible parenting skills, he wants to tell her about his latest project. It’s going to be a HUGE success! You see, he found a seventeenth-century book on black magic that teaches the reader how to cast spells by writing stories about them. And once you read them aloud, the characters in each story come to life. Imagine, having a real vampire in your house!

Not sure that’s so great, but go on, Father…

What follows is her dad telling four different tales. And as you might guess, an element from each story comes to life in the house where Jasmin sits, ALONE, watching her father’s final video.

 I do love a good anthology film. And while the execution is lacking, overall I have to say I enjoyed it. It’s definitely a comedy/horror mash-up and each story is quite unique from all the others. Not saying the individual stories themselves were particularly original, but I’m glad they didn’t all blend together with shared tropes.

We’ve got zombies, a serial killer, a mad scientist, and just good, old-fashioned, isolated mania. While some of the acting is horrible, I gotta give props to John Paul Fedele and his ability to sell the idea of having sexual relations with an…assembled woman. His story was my favorite as it had me laughing the most often. And I wish I could remember the character names to shout out the actors, but the pair playing the couple who bought their first fixer-upper house in the second segment balanced hyperbole and believability so well! This was a close second place behind the mad scientist story as the humor hit home more often than not.

Something's missing. I can't quite put my finger on it...

The mixed bag of CGI did little to help. Some looked completely realistic, and others were obvious cheap computer programming. But it didn’t detract too much from the movie, making it easily forgettable.

Thankfully, the acting was better than I expected. The worst of it came in the weakest story, the third segment called “The One Percenters”. Cliché, obvious and terrible, and I’ve forgotten most of it. The performances in the main/wrap-around story were lackluster at best, awkward at worst, but not so bad as to make me want to shut it off. The good acting in the rest of the film absolutely made up for anything lacking elsewhere.

If you like to give indie films a try, despite that nagging feeling you might be setting yourself up for a long night of binge drinking, check out this one. I don’t think you’ll be sorry!

3.5 Hatchets (out of 5)

 

 

Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast 
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

Movie Review: Tales from the Campfire (2017; Night of Terror Films)

…ya’ know?? This able-scribing reviewer…nay, even more so, this ardent devotee of the cinema macabre and fantastique…hath seen it hundreds of times. Uh, no…not the rather cool lil’ movie, which will momentarily get a sweep of keenly focused and illuminating spotlight, herein. Rather, we’re talking the multitude of times having been in the attentive audience of special screening personal appearances, movie-based lecture events and film convention forums…the film stars, the genre writers, the directors, the filmmakers and behind-the-scenes contributors…often times, once fans themselves, and now embracing their own fans…with the unrelenting gauntlet of varied questions asked by eagerly inquisitive forum attendees…’what was it like, working with (fill in the blank)’…’how did you manage to…’…’what are (you) doing now/what are (you) doing next?’…and so on…

…and time & time again…from the more ambitious few in the audience…the same, if not similar question of ‘…if I wanted to get started, how would I get started…how could I get my stuff out there??’ And without missing a beat…to a varying degree, the seasoned response is almost always, ‘…really?? Just get out there and do it…don’t be afraid of taking the chance, given an unswerving passion, and a respectable measure of resources…even the smallest and unpolished projects, given one’s heart and passion, may be well enough to get the ball rolling…even towards something bigger…’…or well, something along those lines…

The Scarlet Scorpion (1990) and Deadtime Stories (1986) Double Movie Review

Just when I thought I was making a dent in the pile of tripe. I mean…no, that’s what I mean. As I get closer to the bottom of the stack of DVDs, sometimes I get a double disc and dammit, that means I’m really not that much closer to getting through this craptastic supply!

But this time it’s okay because these were actually kinda fun, for the most part.

The Scarlet Scorpion comes to us from Brazil. It opens with what looks like those news reels that used to play in theaters back in the 40s and 50s. After a few stories, it closes with the announcement that the long loved The Angel comic has been adapted for radio! People across the country are shown stopping EVERYTHING they do just to listen in each week. And I mean everything - even a local priest refuses to continue an exorcism because he’s got more important stuff to do! Like find out in this week’s chapter of The Scarlet Scorpion what that rapscallion bad guy is up to and who he's trying to kill!

As the show airs each week, it seems in the real world someone is mimicking the crimes portrayed in the show. Is there a real Scarlet Scorpion running around? Gloria, a local designer, is the only one who seems to connect the dots. The police laugh her out of the station but the director of the show thinks she might be on to something. So let’s create a fan based program around her theories! We never actually get to hear it, though, because the Scarlet Scorpion is targeting her next.

Will he kill Gloria to get her off his trail? Will Alvaro Aguiar, writer and creator, be able to save his lady love on the show AND in real life? Stay tuned to find out. But first, a word from our sponsor…

Movie Review: Sinister Visions (2013)

I didn’t realize this was an anthology flick until halfway through the second story. In my defense...no. I’m just slow. Chemical Burn Entertainment brings you five short films covering a range of themes: zombies, revenge, crazy, and more. Four come from our Nordic friends (Denmark and Sweden) and one comes from the US with our very own David Hayes.

Succubus

Emma is on a dig somewhere with lots of sand and rebels. After finding a sparkly egg, in a moment of panic she drops it, unleashing a dark smoke that takes up residence in her sinuses. This nasty little entity takes control of Emma’s body and does unspeakable things to any man she fancies - not in the sex way. Well, not all in the sexy way. And Emma can only watch from the bench.

My Undead Girlfriend

This begins with found footage recorded by the last known scientist left alive after an undead epidemic sweeps the country. Then there’s an ad for a company called Holdcare. Their business is to capture the undead and put them on a leash so you never have to worry about them. Okay…

The story finally begins with a man whose fiancé wakes up a zombie. But he can’t kill her because once they are married, he’ll come into some money and that will go a long way in paying back the loan shark he owes. He just needs to fool her parents into thinking everything is still normal and the wedding can proceed.

Movie Review: Body Bags (Blu-ray)

Scream Factory has been going above and beyond with some really fine treatment of John Carpenter’s classic films on Blu-ray. Just this year we’ve seen excellent releases of The Prince of Darkness, Assault on Precinct 13 and what could possibly be their best Blu-ray release this year in The Fog. During the early 90’s Carpenter put together an anthology along with genre great Tobe Hooper for Showtime called Body Bags. Here, Carpenter directed two of the films -- Hair and The Gas Station, and Hooper directed The Eye. Much like Creepshow, Carpenter also does a frequently humorous and gory wraparound piece where he plays a mortician who uses the bloody corpses to tell the stories unfolding.

The Gas Station is the first in the anthology and this is a straight-up slasher with some sprinklings of humor. It follows a young, attractive women and her new job as an overnight gas station attendant. She’s alone the whole night after reliving the evening shift attendant (Robert Carradine, Revenge of the Nerds). Creepy red-herrings are strewn about here in the form of a bum played by Carpenter regular, Buck Flower (They Live) and a drunk played by horror great Wes Craven.

The bodies gradually start to pile as someone is wandering about the darkness surrounding the gas station and hacking up folks. The premise of The Gas Station is routine but it starts a fun pace for the film and has an enjoyable performance by Robert Carradine.

Movie Review: Sean Weathers Presents: Vault of Terror (2013, Full Circle Filmworks)

...gotta admit, it's a pretty damn good idea. Getting one's independently produced stuff out there, for all to see, by wrapping around it, classic stuff that's much more familiar to the masses...perhaps even attempting to correlate a connection between the two, in some way, shape or form. But it seems that's exactly what we have here, with the under-the-radar and off-the-charts cult film collection, "Sean Weathers Presents: Vault of Terror". For those unfamiliar (...and as of recently, not so much, as far as this viewer), Sean Weathers is a micro-budget independent film producer & director, who since 1996, has specialized in underground feature films and shorts, with a flavored emphasis on gritty, urban-based exploitation, horror and erotica...while providing a reportedly underlining social commentary, where applicable. Regularly expounded upon, via a weekly podcast, are notable titles in his repertoire, such as "House of the Damned", "They All Must Die" and "The Trade-Off", amongst others; and amidst these broadcasts, he (...along with fellow filmmaking associate, Aswad Issa...both of whom spearhead film production, with their small, maverick company, Full Circle Filmworks) features classic independent and low-budget films of the past...for the most part, public domain properties...and provides insightful commentary & personal thoughts on these films, as well as how such films have inspired his own unique work...

Movie Review: Night Train to Terror (1985, Vinegar Syndrome)

...getting right down to the nitty gritty, when discussing a rather unconventional genre film, like the 1985 horror anthology flick, "Night Train to Terror", this viewer cannot help but recall a poignantly applicable line in the 1987 Steve Martin-starring comedy, "Roxanne", where at one point, the Cyrano de Bergerac-inspired character Steve plays, crudely describes his character's rather large nose, and says something like, "...it's not the size of the nose that's important; it's what's in it, that's matters". A fitting metaphor, to be sure, considering that "Night Train to Terror"...this totally batshit crazy insane 'trilogy of terror' is basically culled from keenly edited (...ha!!), easier to digest (...double 'ha'!!), Reader's Digest versions of longer and, for the most part, wholly negligible horror-themed feature films (...well, actually...two feature films, and the footage of one unfinished film), including "Scream Your Head Off", "Cataclysm" (...aka "The Nightmare Never Stops") and "The Death Wish Club" (...aka "Gretta"). Horror anthologies are typically a mixed bag, anyways, but in this case, throw in some whacked-looking stop-motion animation...a rather striking and respectable amount of gore...humorously irreverent and irrepressible character actor Richard Moll (...1986's "House", 1982's "Sword and the Sorcerer"), here, doing the 'Karen Black/Trilogy of Terror' thing, by having unrelated multiple roles in the film...some rather arcane, cross-banter, 'good versus evil' dialog, bridging the stories together...not to mention some of the most cheesiest, brainless and tortuously infectious '80's style music video sequences, and you've got an off-the-charts and over-the-top excursion into horror anthology insanity, which tosses in everything, including the kitchen sink...and you know something?? Well, I'll be damned...how about that?? In a weird way, this actually works!!!

Movie Review: Slices (2009)

You know how much I love anthology movies? In case you haven't been paying attention, I adore them. I think it's an MTV short-attention span generational thing. And thanks to David Hayes, I got to watch one to wile away two hours as the subarctic temperatures raged across the Midwest. I'm not saying the flick kept me warm with its awesomeness but it did keep me distracted at least.

Slices is about a man who can't sleep and decides to spend the wee hours of the night watching a Creepshow-esque show on television, Theater of the Macabre, replete with giggling something-wrong-with-that-guy host, Lucius Phibes (sorry, had to do an eye roll at that). And Lucius brings us 5 horrifying tales to help pass the time.

Movie Review: Black Sabbath (1963, Blu-ray/DVD combo pack)

Review By: Rob Sibley

  Mario Bava is the king of Italian horror, plain and simple. Don't get me wrong I am obsessed with Italian masters of horror. Dario Argento, Lucio Fulchi, Umberto Lenzi, Sergio Martino, Luigi Cozzi and Pupi Avati all are brilliant filmmakers. But Bava was special... some may call his films old fashioned. If by old fashioned you meant classy I'd agree. Bava single handily created the Giallo genre and at the same time (to me) did the first true slasher film with Bay of Blood. A film which was ripped off more times then I can count. Let's just say you wouldn't have Friday the 13^th 1 or 2 without Bay. You wouldn't have all the great early Giallo's from Argento if it wasn't for The Girl who knew too much and Blood and Black Lace.

Bava was ahead of his time, other filmmakers were just playing catch up. He was a man of many talents, not only an excellent director but a phenomenal cinematographer and writer. Look at “Hatchet For the Honeymoon” and tell me Brett Easton Ellis wasn't inspired by it for American Psycho. Bava didn't always just make horror films. He directed the criminally underrated epic “Hercules: In The Haunted World” and the Viking epic Erik The Conqueror. He also wasn't afraid to add humor to his films. His films often were filled with irony and pitch black humor.

Movie Review: The ABCs of Death (2012, Magnet Releasing)

...not too long ago, a most intriguing proposal was afforded 26 film directors, from around the world...some relatively fledgling and unknown, some known and very much seasoned: given free and unbridled creative reign...write, produce and film a small vignette about the subject of death, with the only boundaries and limitations being that each directer is assigned a single letter in the English alphabet, and the death-themed film produced, has to relate to a word...it's first letter being that of the assigned alphabet letter (...budget seemingly unknown, though an amount of $5,000 is per chance mentioned, in one of the segments). What resulted in this rather unusual cinematic experiment, is something which, for the most part, is equal parts uneven, thought-provoking, unnerving, provocative, funny, perverse, shocking, irreverent, jaw-dropping, horrific and...well, just totally off-the-wall, in an enjoyably macabre and engaging way. A fleetingly chaptered anthology, spanning a widely diverse and eclectic spectrum of subject matter, in alternately brutal, grotesque, perverse and, well...admittedly beautiful ways, at times...Now, now...gather around, boys and girls, as we learn "The ABCs...of Death"...

Movie Review: Dark Dealer (1995)

I do love a good anthology movie. Granted, this movie isn't really all that good but let's call it good enough.

Dark Dealer came out in 1995 but it has a 1980s vibe that makes it more fun campy than pretentious campy. The movie begins with the end of the wrap around story. Ray is being chased through some office building by a giant plasma globe. He escapes by entering the back room of an office. Instead of what he would expect to be an empty room, three men sit at a round table. Seems Ray has just joined in a game of Black Jack with the souls of two dead men and a demon dealer. Because yeah, why not?

Ray is told he did not survive the encounter with that giant electric ball and by joining the game, if he wins, he could win back his soul and be alive again. But since he just got there, he goes last.
The first man plays and with each deal, we flash back to the events in his life that brought him to the devil's game.

"Cellar Space" is the first man's story. He's a petty thug who's crimes are witnessed by a lone elderly gentleman who lives basically in a cellar. When the thug and his enforcer break into the man's home, to hide from the cops for a recent murder and apparently to eat all the man's food, they discover the old man is not an easy mark and will not be bullied into silence or cooperation. In fact, the thug and his enforcer would have been much safer with the police.

The second story is "Blues in the Night". Sam Burke is a brilliant blues musician but dies before he can become a big star. 30 years later, Phil Barton comes across a taped recording of Sam's music and decides to sell it as his own. Phil is a lawyer for a handful of decent albeit spoiled rock musicians but he wants to write his own music. The talent to do so is non existent so with Sam's genius hidden behind Phil's name, he scores big time. Sam is none too happy with that plan and returns from the grave to exact royalty payments out of Phil's hide.

Sinister Visions: NEW International Gore Anthology!

Horror anthology SINISTER VISIONS is making its way out on the world as we speak – cinematic showings are planned during the summer in the UK, Italy and Spain and a DVD release for the North American market is planned for early autumn. The cover art has just been revealed, see below this text.

About SINISTER VISIONS:

Are you ready for a terror attack combining both succubi, women possessed by demons, serial killers in electric chairs, aggressive zombies, vengeful crazy women, men with very deep emotional scars and of course a fair amount of amputation and gore? SINISTER VISIONS consists of five grueling horror stories to make your bones freeze.

SUCCUBUS is about a beautiful young blonde, Emma, studying to become an archeologist. On an excavation trip to Syria she finds something in the sand that is about to change her life completely. She hurries home hoping to be able to escape it, but she is about to get wiser.

MY UNDEAD GIRLFRIEND is a twisted story with a lot of morbid, dark humor, telling the story of the day Keith woke up next to his girlfriend who had out of the blue turned into a flesh eating undead and tonight he is about to meet her parents for the first time! This day is going to be a bit out of the ordinary!

MOTHER KNOWS BEST is the story about Carl, a somewhat shy man preparing for a date with his childhood sweetheart, Rebecca. Carl’s mother has quite a few objections about the date and she is not too shy to express them, though.

Movie Review: Doomsday Book (2012)

Korea has given us some interesting films in the past few years. Most notably, I Saw the Devil, which was brilliantly directed by Jee-woon Kim. Kim returns in this interesting anthology for the segment entitled "The Heavenly Creature." In this segment, we are asked whether or not a robot can reach full enlightenment and become Buddha. Interesting ideas like this and other what-ifs propel the three futuristic stories in Doomsday Book.

The other stories center around a possible cause for a zombie outbreak and an internet shopping venture gone wrong. These are all compelling concepts, but I'm not sure how to feel about the movie as a whole. I guess it would be best to take on each segment individually.

DVD Review: The Collective Vol. 4: Emotions (2012)

If good quality short-films are something you have a taste for, then here’s a recommendation for you- Go out and get your hands on Jason Hoover and JABB Pictures latest short-film collection entitled, Emotions. It’s the work of ten indie filmmakers that most people have probably never heard of but definitely need to know about. Each short is roughly ten minutes long and unlike a lot of short films whose purpose is to tease the audience in the hopes of possibly being made into a feature, these films are all complete stories.  Ranging from disturbing, to funny, to creepy, spooky and just plain bizarre, there really is something for everybody in this DVD. Lets have a quick look at each-

Movie Review: ASS Studios Presents: 4 Short Films by Courtney Fathom Sell & Reverend Jen (2011)

Directed by Courtney Fathom Sell

Starring Reverend Jen, Faceboy and Reina Terror

Not surprisingly, I had never heard of ASS studios before popping in this DVD. Nor had I heard of Courtney Fathom Sell or Reverend Jen, the studios founders and collaborators on this little collection of shorts. Ranging from 20 to about 8 minutes each, they run the entire gambit of weirdness, from the bizarre and disgusting (The Sinful Bitches), to the downright sexy and stimulating (The Bitches of Bowery), to the absurd and silly (Killer Unicorn) to the “Who's fucking idea was that?” (Elf Workout).

Movie Review: The Theatre Bizarre (2011)

There's been much talk over the past six months on how the horror anthology has made its triumphant return.  The 70’s and 80’s, for me, had some of my favorites: Vault of Horror, Tales From the Crypt, Trilogy of Terror, Creepshow and From a Whisper to a Scream were all titles that I enjoyed viewing. When approached correctly, the anthology film can be like a tremendous food sampler at your favorite hole-in the- wall-bar; when it isn’t, it’s a shitty appetizer dish at Applebee’s.

David Gregory of Severin films is an obvious admirer of the format. So much so he brought together the talents of six fine genre film directors: Karim Hussain (Subconscious Cruelty), Douglas Buck (Cutting Moments) , Buddy Giovinazzo (Combat Shock), Tom Savini (Dawn of the Dead), Richard Stanley (Hardware) and Jeremy Kasten. Gregory even contributes his own entry to this strong group.