Movie Review: The Horde (2016)

While I await my next CHC box of tripe…I mean, care package, Jeff was kind enough to send me a few on-line screeners to occupy my time. I wish I had been able to watch this one before the Motor City Nightmares convention because I would have been able to talk to Costas Mandylor about his role.

Or, you know, just stand in front of him giggling like a 13 year old virgin.

313 Films offers us The Horde, a happy little film about a horde (duh) of mutant cannibals being bossed around by a trio of psychopathic escaped convicts, led by Cylas (Mandylor). They attack people who decide to camp out in ‘their’ woods and the current targets are a class of photography students (their names aren’t important), their teacher, Selina, and her ex-Navy Seal fiancé, John.

The boys are taken as ‘meat’ and the girls, as they are ‘breeders’, get the privilege of NOT being sent to the butcher but instead nailed down or chained up to be available for nookies with the inbred mutated members of this group. Too bad nobody could kill John because he rides in to the rescue and pretty much kicks everyone's ass.

Movie Review: "Dead Shadows" (2012; DC Medias/Section 5/Shout Factory)

...for this ardent viewer of cult and genre films...well, sometimes it almost seems that he's seen it all. Heck, are there really any more original ideas, out there?? It's gotten to the point where this devoted auteur of oddball cinema can spot a concept film, coming from miles away. It's no wonder, one cannot help but think that all of the great core concepts have been used up, and all that there's left, is a melding of concepts....'this', crossed with 'that', with a smidgen of 'this, over here'. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I truly wish that I was a fly on the wall, in one of those darkened studio executive board rooms, watching some young and enthusiastic writer, wildly acting out a concept, in front of a gaggle of stiff-suited, stogie-puffing, poker-faced executives...trying to convince them to invest their interest and monetary resources, in what the writers believe is a great idea for a movie (...and to be quite honest, being an aspiring writer myself, I would genuinely want to be on the writer's end of this scenario, as for the most part, they're on the deckplate level, like all of us, and as such, they seem to have a finger on the pulse of what audiences would want to see; most studio execs, given their opportunity to put in their two cents worth, idea-wise, seem driven foremost by money, and as such, think that they know what movie watchers want...coupled with what they believe will bring in the big bank...and for the most part, time and time again, both motivations fail to mesh as irreadily as their mis-matched concepts, and in the end, more than often, they tend to be wrong)...

Movie Review: Full Moon's Grindhouse Collection - Dreamaniac, Mutant Hunt & Famous T&A

Full Moon Features are releasing several films from the old Wizard Video label onto the masses through their website at ten bucks a pop under the title Full Moon's Grindhouse Collection. Three of those releases I've gotten a chance to take a peek at - Dreamaniac, Famous T&A and Mutant Hunt.

One of those films is David DeCoteau's 1986 schlock-rich nugget Dreamaniac. DeCoteau has made a name for himself as being one of the more consistent B movie filmmakers to get behind a camera over the past 30 years. Most frequently he's been working with none other than Charles Band. I know what your thinking, "what's Clint Howard doing on the cover of this movie?". That isn't Clint folks, it's the knife-wielding psycho-bitch who slices and dices the majority of the cast. Not shockingly for a DeCoteau film, Dreamaniac opens with a dream sequence that comes complete with a fog machine, bright gels and some very gratuitous shots of shaved male buttocks. Ass is here in abundance, both clothed and unclothed are on display with lecherous close-ups.

Movie Review: X-Men: First Class (2011)

Hey, look. We're sorry about that whole The Last Stand thing. Oh, and Wolverine? Yeah, we really don't know what happened there. Just, please, let us make it up to you. We'd like to extend a goodwill gesture. It has an origin story, and uh, oh, just to make sure it's good, we let the guy who made Kick-Ass direct it. I know, right? So, we really hope you'll accept our apology, and just for kicks, we'll throw in Kevin Bacon. We cool?

Buy X-Men: First Class [Blu-ray] or DVD

That's basically what it felt like the people at Marvel were saying when they served up X-Men: First Class. As for me, apology accepted. Origin stories can be great, or they can be ham-fisted attempts at explaining every detail of a character's being. This was very smooth and organic. Several origin questions are answered, and it all stays true to the preceding trilogy. This is not a reboot or remake. This is a prequel in the same line of films. This movie actually fits into the X-Men series quite well.