All righty. Let's continue our journey down Atomic Swan Films lane, shall we? Here we go with Part 2.
PEDIE THE CLOWN COLLECTION
I reviewed the Vampire Hunter one from 2019 and you can read that HERE.
This short is called:
Pedie the Clown Sex Educator (2022)
(I’m already dying)
Again we have an instructional video from Pedie the Clown only this time,
instead of prepping us for vampire hunting, he is teaching children about the
female reproductive system. It’s a little like Pee Wee’s Playhouse but instead
of talking furniture and childlike wonder, we get an oversexed pedo with a
medical illustration poster.
The kids learn all about the clitoris, the honey hole, eating babies, bush, crabs, the word of the day “Vagina,” and how to effectively use your tongue for the little man in the canoe.
(What is happening??)
I just…okay, look. It’s no secret here at Cinema Headcheese that I have the humor of a 12-year old boy. So I find this short film FUCKING HILARIOUS. Nearly as funny as the Vampire Hunter one. Tuan Edwards has a lot of fun playing Pedie and it shows, especially when he starts laughing through his lines. If you have a good, irreverent sense of humor and are not easily offended, then Pedie the Clown series is for you!
This is from the Vampire Hunter short but I just needed you to get the idea of who/what Pedie is.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
INDIE FILMS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
Some kind of movie host is presenting the greatest movies in the world
that you’ve never seen. Hey, toot your own horn, man. Who else is gonna do it?
We’re presented with three killer or mutated or weird ass animal movies and
they are, sort of, connected.
Killer Raccoon Fish in 3D (2016)
We begin in Creaming, KY (because of COURSE we do) where a girl is yelling
at a bunch of sculpture pieces that she claims got her fired. As she gyrates
and sexy dances around/on them (this goes on for some time), a mysterious
stranger sneaks up on her, knocks her out, and takes her to some kind of
basement laboratory.
Dr. Doctor has (holy shit, it’s Chris Ringler. I know that guy!) kidnapped her and plans to combine her with a racoon and a fish to make, you guessed it, a killer raccoon fish. The creature wreaks havoc all over town but the Mayor refuses to cancel any public celebrations and activities. After he jerks off and takes a massive shit, credits roll.
 |
| If you had 3D glasses, this picture would make more sense. |
Uh…wut? I honestly didn’t know a lot of what was going on because the audio is absolute shite. It was also the most nonsensical film of everything I’ve watched so far and that’s saying something. While the 3-D effect is not that bad, it’s actually easier to see what’s happening without the 3D glasses (which were included with the DVD – so that’s pretty cool).
Radioactive Skunk (I assume it’s 2016 as well)
The ending of the killer racoon fish movie is copied and pasted into the
beginning of this one.
The Kid is speaking to…someone on the phone about going in to rescue his sister from Dr. Doctor (remember the gyrating chick from the previous film?) and if he doesn’t call back, contact Squint, a professional commando three days from retirement. There’s something else about a radioactive skunk but honestly, it doesn’t matter at all.
Naturally, The Kid doesn’t call back. Dr. Doctor has captured him and sprays him with some hallucinogenic liquid. But why though?
I DON’T FUCKING KNOW.
Squint finally shows up for the rescue mission, and a bunch of other commandos do, too. Shenanigans ensue – we assume because some title screens pop up about how the movie studio didn’t like how the big fight sequence turned out so they just explain what went down - and the Doctor escapes, after Squint is tricked into some chamber where he’s Brindleflied into another person.
Da FUQ?
Honestly, I have no idea what happened in this movie. The audio was terrible again so it was hard to hear all the pontificating exposition. Chris Ringler is fun as Dr. Doctor, especially while wearing a cooking pot on his head.
Quick little promo before the next killer animal film shows a conversation between two guys and a muppet about "Attack of the 6-foot Squirrel." My guess is this is some kind of promo…? Anyhoo, we finally get to the last of the killer animal shorts with:
Night of the Werebeaver (2019)
Three people are inside a small shelter playing cards while a couple guys
patrol the perimeter. Apparently there’s a werebeaver on the prowl and it’s
very dangerous. Also if you eat werebeaver shit (WHO IS DOING THIS??) you’ll
get all high or something. So when the werebeaver finally rears its ugly
(Halloween mask) head, pretty much only Corporal Half-Sack can fight it. But
the creature just flips him off and scampers out into the night.
Uh..wut?
Most of the audio is gods awful; Half-Sack is just scream-improvising his lines; and there’s really no point to any of this.
I got nothing else.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
EXPERIMENTAL TALES (2023)
I reviewed a bunch of shorts in this collection already (listed below). There were in a different collection called Tales of Time but seemed to have just been added into this new set. DOESN’T MATTER.
- 357
- Experiment 7734
- seven/eleven
- The Longest 20 Seconds
- Wet
I already reviewed the first four that you can read HERE and "Wet" was
reviewed in Part One of this two part post, which you can read HERE. The two new
shorts I watched are:
What is the Nightcrawler? (2023)
The same newscaster from Canado is reporting on the so-called Nightcrawler,
a creature that puts victims in a trance and then has its way with them. After
his special guest, the janitor, talks on camera, the newscaster quits because
his job sucks.
I mean…it all felt improvised. Some stuff was kind of funny; most was not.
A lot of words and ideas are thrown around but don’t really work together. It’s
like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces from ten different sets.
The Executive
Basically this is some kind of producer looking at a clip from Manila
Extract. He thinks the idea for this flick is dumb. He’d rather see a guy
who puts on kids shows after he’s gotten out of prison (i.e., Pedie the Clown). That
has more substance!
The producer is played by Tuan Edwards who is also Pedie the Clown. Uh,
this just felt like filler. But hell, I’m all for more Tuan Edwards!
That wraps up Part 2. Atomic Swan Films brings us some crap, and some funny and less bad crap in all shapes and sizes. Not the best out there in filmland but certainly not the worst. Honestly their films are mostly enjoyable to watch, and at least useful just to have some background noise on while you masturbate and you don’t want your roommates to hear you.
Just keep your eyes and ears open as I'm sure this won't be the last ASF offerings I'll review.
Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!
Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.
No comments:
Post a Comment