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July 13, 2010

The Movie Burrito: Volume 3 - Cultastrophe

by Jeff Dolniak

Are cult movies your thing? Do you love the so-bad-it's-good genre? Well nobody knows them like Jeff Dolniak, so sit back, dig in and worry about society as a whole.

El Topo

Cult director Alejandro Jodorowskys incredible mind numbing hippie trip with out the acid. The imagery hits you consistently with some of the most bizarre images this side of Tod Browning. This film actually is a western to, but Eastwood wouldn’t touch this!! Recommended for lovers of weirdness and lots of midgets in films.

Jungle Holocaust

Jungle expedition about 2 prospectors who try to avoid cannibals, but arent so lucky. A priceless scene has a native woman doing a jungle abortion ,after giving birth she throws the little squirt to the gators.

Night of the Lepus

Giant rabbits terrorize a town. Basically some bunnys hop around some guys trainset in his basement. One of the best bad bad moves around, next to Back Woods.

The Screaming Skull

Boy this flick started off fun with a William Castle type opening. A gimmick about you dying from fright after seeing the film. I didn’t die but I went into a coma, a shitty movie induced coma. Oh yeah and it’s about….. ahh fuck it wasted 68 minutes of my life.

Mondo Trasho

John Waters weakest endeavor, cheaply made for only a few grand, but hey it was his first full length film. Black and white, like the later slightly better Multiple Maniacs. Waters later really hits his mark with Pink Flamingos and Female Trouble.

Love Strange Love

Semi-boner inducing softcore starring latin kids TV star Xuxa. Some good nude scenes, so I'd give it half a rag.

Caligula: Sins of Rome

Corny, off the wall rip off of the original sleaze masterpiece. This sex filled, dismemberment-laden romp has its moments for die-hard Caligula and exploitation fans. The massacre finale is similar to Dead Alive's splashy ending.


From the San Francisco underground filmmakers, the Kuchar Bros. This odd cult film is the closest thing to early John Waters that I've come across. Takes place at a haunted house, spoofs on horror movies and sex films, with lots of overacting. Really bizarre and in need of a video release. Not a porn film but contains some hardcore and softcore scenes. Very funny low budget sleaze.

Faster Pussycat Kill Kill

Outstanding Russ Meyer, surprisingly low on t and a, but still outrageously entertaining with its go go dancer man killer plot. Russ is a legend!!

SS Hell Camp

Ivan Kantansky’s absurd Nazi Exploitation about a female SS officer who creates a human yeti-esque beast to torture unlucky always nude females. Revolting scenes a plenty include a gun shot up a snatch and a hilariously unconvincing baby who is thrown up in the air and shot by the Gestapo. If MST3K could do a commentary, I'd give it a higher rating.

The Pig Fucking Movie

Yes this is a legitimate supposed "art" film from Europe. Really depressing story of a dude who pops a pig (simulated), gets it pregnant, has some adorable piglets, kills the pig and piglets and finally hangs himself. Rumor has it Michael Bay is remaking it. Sick stuff!!!

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