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March 5, 2013

Movie Review: Climb It, Tarzan! (2011, Independent Entertainment)

Directed by Jared Masters
Starring Jennicka Andersson, Jamie Devitt and Zrinka Dozic
Run Time: 75 minutes

The time is the sixties, its the dawn of the sexploitation era and aspiring model Ginger (Jamie Devitt) learns the only available photo assignments are for naughty men’s magazines, and that she must risk eviction or succumb to the sadistic perversions of dominating lesbian photographer Paula (Jennicka Andersson). As naive Ginger discovers first-hand that there is no chance of becoming a wholesome pin-up queen, her secretive sister Janet (Jessica Hichborn) takes a job as a go-go dancer, baring her flesh by night and living out of a Venice Beach sailboat by night.

Billed as a tribute to sexploitation cinema, Climb It, Tarzan! consists of an all-female cast of over fifty young budding starlets, most of which are more then willing to “drop the top” for the camera of the creepy but hot Scandinavian photographer Paula. In all honesty this movie started out quite nicely, with a nude photo-shoot followed by the hapless model getting chloroformed and molested by the photographer. Five minutes in I’m thinking to myself, “Gentlemen, we have a winner!” Unfortunately it was all pretty much a free-fall into the lamest, most yawn-inducing recesses of bad-cinema imaginable from that point forward.

Now don't get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of bad movies, I really am. An unhealthy addiction to Mystery Science Theater in my early 20's helped to educate me on the subtle nuances of what makes certain bad movies great. And Climb It, Tarzan had the potential to be a really fun, bad movie. Its main downfall in my opinion was the fact that it all but abandoned the theme of the sadistic photographer fucking with the brainless models after that interesting opening scene. Eighty percent of the movie from that point on was nothing more then an endless string of scenes showing girls talking on the phone or sitting pool-side having cocktails and indulging in pointless conversations about modeling and whether or not they should take their tops off to earn a buck.

There was one almost humorous scene involving two girls who inadvertently take some LSD and have a nice little trip complete with sweet retro 60‘s style psychedelic visual effects, as well as a  pool-side party scene near the end featuring a short make-out scene between two chicks which was also nice but way too brief, and neither was enough to save this movie from itself.

On The Positive Side- This movie’s got tons of nudity. The girls rate from cute to smoking hot and all the ones I wanted to see naked, got naked. (there were even a few muff-shots as well, of both the shaved and hairy werewolf type) A definite thumbs-up for that. And the soundtrack at times was actually pretty fun and overall helped to create a decent 60‘s feel with an abundance of surfer songs from the time.

On The Negative Side- The story just goes nowhere and becomes a seemingly endless string of dialog scenes between girls that come and go so fast that it just becomes a blur of boobs and bad acting, (boobs and bad acting I can totally groove on but when there’s no real fun-factor involved even those two great things become tedious after a while.)

Obscure cinema fans out there with a high tolerance level may get something out of this one, but for me it came across as a missed opportunity, a movie that could have went in any number of fun and interesting directions but instead chose to just flounder around, recycling the same two or three scenes over and nauseum.

I rate it a disappointing 4 out of 10 ( with 3 of the 4 points awarded for the sheer volume of boobage)

*Deleted Scenes

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