Movie Review: The Devil Lives Here (2015, Artsploitation)

All righty, 2017. Whatchu got for me? A Brazilian horror movie? Cool, that’s better than a Brazilian wax. But it’s kinda trite and not all that interesting? Well, it could be worse I guess. Wait, there area bunch of metaphors that aren’t really metaphors because the bad guy explains it all? Several times??

Dammit.

The Devil Lives Here comes to us from Brazil, which is actually cool because I don’t think I’ve watched one from there before! The basic story is this: three friends - Ale, Jorge, and Magu - head out to a farmhouse to spend the night with another friend, Apolo. The boys wanna play a prank on Magu but instead of just giving her a good scare, they actually stir up the resident spirits and bring about a terrifying night.

Meanwhile, the two sons of the previous caretaker of the farmhouse, Sebastiao and Luciano, raise the corpse of Bento, a centuries old slave, who’s been keeping the bad spirits inside the house so they can’t wreak havoc on the world. These two and the four friends must work together to stop the evil from getting out.

I’ll give you a hint - they fail.

Movie Review: Meat (2010)

I swear to the gods, Dolniak, you ever send me an arthouse style film again, I will hunt you down, prop your eye lids open with toothpicks, and force you to watch Twilight on repeat for seven straight days. And then when you’re begging for mercy, I’ll put in From Justin to Kelly and leave you there for another seven.

Artspolitation Films (*eye roll*) brings us Meat, an independent award winning film (which means absolutely NOTHING to me if it’s rife with bullshit) about…I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA. It’s basically an art film that’s trying to be exploitation and fails SPECTACULARLY. Though I suppose it succeeded as an art film in which case IT JUST SUCKS MAJOR DONKEY BALLS.

Here’s the film description on IMDB:  “A girl is awakened to a world of cruelty, shadowy passions and sensuality.” They forget to mention it’s via a fat, sweaty, lusty butcher while she films everything and all imagery is some kind of fucking metaphor for humanity or something. I get no sensuality off this film. I suppose the cruelty is the slaughter of animals and not getting love from some guy she hardly knows. I guess peeing on someone could be considered a shadowy passion - it’s not for everyone.

Movie Review: Der Bunker

Reviewed by: James D.

Der Bunker is one of those films that once you watch it, you will have something to digest well after the credits. If “ Serbian Film” was about a typical family in the underground of Serbia. This film can be seen as a typical family in a very odd part of Germany. The story revolves around a young man who is renting a bunker. This room could be seen as a rubber room for the mentally damaged. It has no windows, and is pretty depressing looking. On the surface, this could work because he can throw himself into his passion and work. Also, in this house is a mom and dad and their son Klaus. 

Movie Review: Chasing the Muse (2015)

Reviewed By: James DePaolo

Chasing the Muse is a really odd film to try and get behind. I am not familiar with Jean-Francois Davy, so I was excited to see what he was about and what he could offer. Davy has been around the scene for almost as long as I have been alive; his form of porn is a slant on humor which seems like an exploration into the female being more than celebrating the aspect of nudity. The first film I watched was the title of this film, Chasing the Muse.

It is basically an X rated documentary that also comes with his 1974 so called classic Exhibition. As you can assume Chasing the Muse follows Davy now in his 70’s looking for the next star for his upcoming film. Before Deep Throat and Taboo would shatter records in porn business, Exhibition was the film that was the first porn so- called blockbuster. (This is all in France alone) His life story is about all the women he has filmed and finally being the star himself which when he does talk, he just does not interest me. He seems to be knowledgeably but really does not radiate a personality that keeps me engaged with wanting to know more. He seems very picky in his choosing which I assume most porn directors are, but why Kitty. She to me was just not the beauty I was expecting and she is even more bland and juvenile acting than I expected. This is another letdown in the terms of a documentary that focuses on either porn or the people behind it.

Movie Review: Cub (2015, Artsploitation)

Review By: James DePaolo

Artsploitation Films has to be one of the best indie labels out there right now. They have put out some horror films (among other genres) that have really changed the perception the average fan would have of horror and the boundaries of what is acceptable and controversial. I am in the majority that thinks French horror should be credited with some of the most vicious and satisfying horror films I have ever seen. Jonas Govaerts debut Cub really keeps my faith in the French strong.

What on the surface sounds like a standard horror films of watching a group of cub scouts head into the unknown wilderness for an adventure, it turns into something all-together different as the film rolls on. The cubs find themselves in the middle of some kind of killing grounds of a psychopath. To add to their dilemma, there is also a young mask wearing psychopath in the woods as well. We meet Sam who is a disturbed and troubled lad who is treated differently by others. Some of the scouts and at times the scout leaders pick on him and one in particular named Baloo is cruel to him. We watch in one instance that Baloo sets his dog on Sam for his kicks. Like all camping films, we get the scary stories and this time it is about a werewolf boy named Kai.

Cub Scouts Encounter Evil in the Woods in this Film Festival Favorite

It was only a weekend camping trip for a troop of innocent cub scouts and their older teen chaparones. What could go wrong? Well, start with a evil psychopathic killer, add his ferel young protoge, have them place some ingenious traps in the woods and the results are kind of violent and bloody. This imaginative fairy tale draws on such influences as Lord of the Rings, Friday the 13th and The Devil’s Backbone as it tells the story of 12-year-old outcast Sam who, along with his fellow cub scouts, are forced to confront unspeakable evil!. A wildly entertaining “killer in the woods” actioner that has been a hit in it festival run.

“Kinetic and brutal, gory and graphic with comedic beats in-between.” – Bloody-Disgusting.com

“A brutal new spin on standard camp horror fare.” – Dread Central

“CUB is a rock solid piece of genre entertainment presented bluntly and without irony.” – Fangoria

Movie Review: Treatment (Artsploitation, 2015)

Reviewed by: James D.

Belgium director Hans Herbots before this film, I have never heard of him. After this film, I want to see more from him. The Treatment or the Dutch name De Behandeling is something very unique and very well done. This film has a tone and mood that really grips you by the throat and with its intense plot will keep you biting your mails at the edge of the couch or seat till it ends. This Belgian thriller I should warn the viewers, it is very disturbing and could be viewed as offensive. The material in this film is for people who are not afraid to see things get intense. Our main protagonist is Nick Cafmeyer who seems to be a much traumatized man. It starts out earlier in his life when as a kid he saw his brother abducted to never been seen or heard from again. Nick uses this as inspiration to become a cop and investigating cases that remind him of his brother.

Movie Review: Reckless (Artsploitation, 2015)

By James D.

Reckless, I am not sure if it is a direct remake or just a retelling of The Disappearance of Alice Creed. We meet in the opening minutes Laura Temming who wakes up in a nightmare no one would like to be waking up to. She was abducted and when she wakes up she is handcuffed and tied to a bed. The captors who have her are two masked men who strip off her clothes and put her in this track suit. It seems she comes from a wealthy family, and as you can guess our two captors have money on their mind. They take a picture of putting a knife to her throat to send to her father. The film has the same twists and turns the Creed film had, so if you are familiar with what goes on in that film, you have the gist of what you will get with this film. The film is subtitled which is fine for me, but the problem is the film plays out like a shot for shot take on the Creed film. I was hoping that we would get something different, it seems like they just re-shot the film scene by scene. Alice Creed I actually put in my top ten that year, I loved the surprises and the twists and turns that film gave me.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #129 - The Third Annual Cheesies

Kevin and Jeff discuss Wizard World Portland and their top five movies of 2013 before doling out the Cheesie awards for the best and worst of last year. They get into documentaries, douchebags, Netflix and two inductions into the CHC Hall of Fame.

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Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #120 - Young Frankenballs

Dave is back with Kevin this week, and he talks about his experience with "Young Frankenstein: The Musical." They also discuss the genius of Miley Cyrus, Dave talks about his newest custom Migo and Kevin reviews the twisted Chilean flick Hidden in the Woods.

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One Of The Most Shocking Films Of The Year Debuts On DVD and VOD! "Hidden in the Woods" Arrives September 17th!

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PATRICIO VALLADARES' DESCENT INTO VIOLENCE

HIDDEN IN
THE WOODS

DEBUTS ON DVD AND VOD TUESDAY SEPT 17, 2013!

THE FANTASIA AUDIENCE FAVORITE INVADES YOUR HOME ON DVD FROM ARTSPLOITATION, VOD, AND ON VHX HD VOD, TUESDAY, SEPT. 17! 

“The screenplay is the best thing about the film as a work of perverse art…Valladares and Andrea Cavaletto admirably avoided falling into the clichés of this kind of flick. I never knew where things were heading, and that kept the material, as well as the film’s power, constantly fresh…” - Roy Frumkes, Producer and Writer ofStreet Trash and Document of the Dead

One of the most controversial horror films ever to emerge from Latin America, Hidden in the Woods is 21st century grindhouse horror cinema at its most shocking.

Deep in the Chilean countryside, Ana and Anny live with their deformed brother and are subject to their father’s perverse and sadistic whims. After a dispute with the police leaves a wake of death and mutilation, they flee and find refuge in a remote cabin hidden from society. Meanwhile, a crime lord, convinced they have stolen the massive stash of drugs their father was hiding, sends a violent pack of thugs to find them.

Based on a bizarre true story and not for the faint of heart, Hidden in the Woods (currently being remade by actor Michael Biehn [The Terminator, Grindhouse] in the U.S.) features extreme violence, prostitution, sexual assault, buckets of blood and even cannibalism.

Hidden in the Woods tramples your way on DVD and VOD on Tuesday, Sept. 17. For those craving their terror in HD, this descent into terror will be available via VHX
at: http://www.hiddeninthewoodsfilms.com. Fans buying this online, DRM free download will also have the option to access all the wonderfully grisly bonus features included on the DVD and a special, exclusively online bonus feature: Toro Loco, Patricio Valladares' raunchy and grimy grindhouse flick.

Movie Review: Combat Girls (aka Kriegerin, 2013)

There is no better quality for a movie to have, in my opinion, than the ability to drag you in by the emotional short hairs and hold you there for the duration. During the first few minutes of Combat Girls, a group of modern day Nazi kids living in Germany terrorize every passenger on a city bus in a way that made me absolutely loathe every one of them. I watched as they shoved one kid and called him a faggot. I sat with my heart racing as a young Asian guy was pummeled in front of his girlfriend. I wished I was on that bus. I wanted to be in a seat at the back of the bus with a bat or a pipe so that I could stand up and mash the unholy shit out of each of their skulls until they turned into pudding. I hated these people. HATED them. I've seen these assholes in the real world, and I've been the guy to step in on more than one occasion, not out of heroics, but out of anger and necessity. I can't stand aggressive bullies. It was like everyone involved with Combat Girls knew exactly where my buttons were, and they mashed all of them down as hard as they could with an open palm. For the rest of this movie, I was in, and there was no way for me to turn away. I needed justice in some manner or another.

Movie Review: Hemel (2012, Artsploitation Films)

Reviewed By: John Beutler

A strange thing happened, on route to my critique on this very sexually charged and compelling character study...wrought from an exploitively intimate and carnal genre, which I had little direct exposure to, despite my embrace of just about all other facets of the exploitation genres. Sort of headlong into uncharted territory, so to speak, going into this film...though surprising, pleasantly quite affecting and thought-provoking. Despite my able-readied ability, I found myself hard-pressed to wretch an immediate review of Hemel from my mind...not so much in finding the words to express. Indeed, the words were there, but they were rampantly disjointed in my head, as it took longer than norm, to process the film, both mentally and emotionally...trying to relate to the subject matter...applicable words and phases swimming about...my attempt to join those phrases...like trying to blindly mate mismatched couplings...to find the connections, and the sense in those connections, amidst the unconventional and intimate character interactions, which I had just been privy of. 

Later that evening, I spoke to a fellow associate of mine, regarding Hemel... explaining the carnal nuances of the plot... an inner-lonely woman who hides an underlining desire for intimacy, despite a number of forgettably by-the-way and coldly disregarded sexual couplings with a wide spectrum of men, with their own individual nuances, as far as sex...like the old song says, '...looking for love, in all the wrong places'...a woman clearly in search of something, which she cannot seem to find...an itch, which she cannot scratch.