Silent Screams: Waxworks (1924)

The anthology film is popular in the indie world, especially with genre filmmakers. This popularity is predicated on the notion that it is 'easier' to make a series of short films and compile them as a feature with a wraparound story. A vast majority of these schlock-y, shot on video masterpieces are in direct response to Stephen King's Creepshow (1982). Which was a response to Hammer's early Tales from the Crypt (1972). Which was heavily influenced by Paul Leni's Waxworks (Das Wachsfigurenkabinett) from 1924. This was, quite possibly, the first feature-length anthology.

Movie Review: Bloody Birthday (1981, Severin Films)

Thinking about having a kid? Want to expand your family so you can have more love in your life (and a lot of snot and poop from what I’m told)? That’s cool. Just don’t give birth on the night of a lunar eclipse. That’ll fuck your plans up but good.

Bloody Birthday begins with a trio of families birthing unto the world three kids - two boys and a girl. It’s also the night of a lunar eclipse. Isn’t that fascinating? Not really. And you’ll find out why.

The story jumps ahead ten years later to a young teenage couple making out in a cemetery. Um, what? The gal is worried about being seen “doing it” out in the open. Really, sweetheart? That's what you’re worried about? The boyfriend is nothing but accommodating so he leads her to an OPEN FUCKING GRAVE where they can bow-chicka-wow-wow in private. And then promptly die.

After the murders, the local Sheriff thinks discussing the travesty openly and honestly with a bunch of 10-year olds is the best thing to do. To be fair, a broken jump rope handle was found at the scene and personally I think they all look like they could have done it. And it soon becomes apparent that three of these kids are responsible.

Movie Review: We Are What We Are (2013)

I think because I had built this movie up so much in my mind I ended up somewhat disappointed. Don’t get me wrong - it’s a good flick. I may even watch it again in case I missed any little nuances. But I wasn’t blown away like I expected. I also discovered it’s yet another remake so I’m interested in seeing the original Mexican flick to do a comparison.

We Are What We Are is about a backwoods small town family, The Parkers. The movie opens with the mom’s death. It’s clear she’s been sick for a while: hand tremors, grey pallor, coughing up blood. You know, the usual.  Now the distraught father, two daughters, and one son, are left behind to pick up the pieces.  And carry on the tradition (dun dun duuuuuuuun!).  Apparently that begins with the first day of Abstinence (not from sex - that would have been an entirely different flick): no solid food for 3 days. When the little boy, Rory, tries to sneak a paltry raisin, dad nearly tears his arm off.

Movie Review: Predatory Instinct (2011)

David Hayes gave me a copy of this movie a couple of years ago but I forgot about it until I needed to find something to review. And as Abnormal Entertainment made this flick, I hope none of my musings offend any of my buds at AE or CHC.

Three young people get smooth talked into attending a party out in the fucking boondocks by the oh-so-dreamy Emmit. (Personally I think he talks too much and sounds like he was raised on Mark Twain and Machiavelli.) Randi's up for it because she a ho. Brandon is basically a male Randi. And Trish doesn't really want to go but she gets peer pressured into it. Ah, youth.

They drive down a dirt road for, like, ever, and Randi flips out at seeing....something. Though they've all been sneaking booze from the bar they work at since the afternoon so whatever. They finally arrive at the house party which in this movie means 6 attendees: our illustrious youngsters, Emmit, his tart, Lydia, and some random dude named Shea (sounds like HEY why didn't I STAY at home instead of coming to this LAME parTAY). I think they need a serious lesson from Kid n PLAY.