Movie Review: Inception (2010)

Review by Hollis Jay

I only heard my father play sax once. The notes draped over me and transformed my environment into a spectacular wilderness of sound. But, in that one playing I could tell that he was a master at music. Déjà vu. It only took me one minute to figure out that the movie Inception was a masterpiece. As the first dream sequence began to turn to rubble, my heart caught into my chest and I could feel something that I rarely feel while viewing a film: anticipation.

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First of all, the casting was amazing. John Papsidera performed a fabulous job of balancing out actors in regards to their strengths and weaknesses. He chose actors from all forms of cinema. He chose experienced actors and those who have only performed in a few films. He also chose actors who would give depth to the story, and be able to allow their characters to evolve in a smooth manner. If Marion Cotillard doesn’t get an Oscar nomination for her performance, I would be surprised. Also, all of the actors allowed the story to be the star and didn’t appear to fight over their position in the film regardless of their character. They allowed the story to speak for itself.

Book Review: Security Risk by Ed Wood

by David Hayes

As Security Risk truthfully states on the back cover, “If a man can’t be bought with money… Get him a woman!” and semi-truthfully states on the front cover, “Another Pad Library Best Seller.” This is another classic case of Wood’s real-world experience (minus the freaky sex) shoved smack dab into a smut novel. It seems there is a terrorist group killing employees of a small, low budget production company that produces films for the American Government (much like Wood’s stint with Autonetics Aviation). Detective Tom (or Tim, it keeps changing) Wiere of the Los Angeles Police Department is called in, and so is Colonel Harvey Tate… an expert in such matters.



Tate is “hired” on to the production company staff. His true purpose, though, is to ferret out the spy (there’s always a spy) and keep the production company safe. When Tate’s friend and superior is assassinated, the job becomes personal. It becomes even more personal when Tate starts and affair with silver screen superstar Karen Faber. Faber, as a favor to the producer, has agreed to star in one of their low budget pictures. Tate’s first meeting with Faber is classic Wood:

Movie Review: Shower of Blood (2004)

by Hayden Davis

Wow. That’s it. Wow. This shot on video vampire epic had more gratuitous nudity than this humble reviewer has seen in many a moon. In a nutshell, 5 teenagers (all played by thirty and forty-something non-actors) are driving to a concert. They decide to spend the night at the home of one of the girl’s uncle. Unbeknownst to the group is the fact that Uncle Marty (Martin Shannon) is an ages old vampire, who happens to be the horniest man on the face of the planet.

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Before we’re even 10 minutes into the film, we have already had full frontal nudity, more penis jokes than you can shake a stick at, a vomiting stripper and the debut of the completely over the top Uncle Marty. It just gets better. Characters start to die and come back (it really doesn’t matter in what order) and EVERYONE gets naked. The cast is comprised of a Penthouse model (Robin Brown), a tight real-life fitness instructor (Lia Montelongo) and a Troma Tromette, a girl that was in an ad in the back of Playboy and a few other local strippers.

Movie Review: Recycled Parts (2007)

by Hal Astell

Directors: Erick Vega, Bradley Young and Larry Sands

Stars: Girstin Bergquist, David Dartt, Brandon Brendel, Michael Dias, Lisa Gail, Joe Duffy and Larry Sands

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We get a naked girl even before we get a title: that has to count for something, right? It really needs to count for something because this doesn't promise to be a very good movie, cool title notwithstanding. There isn't much of a story and what there is gets diluted by three directors and four writers, never a good sign. It's cheesy as all get out but after surviving the first twenty minutes or so I came to the conclusion that it's meant to be and it merely takes that long to get what the filmmakers were trying to do. No, it isn't a good film but there's a really fun one trying to get out, one that would play like something Herschell Gordon Lewis would have made, had he started out twenty years later than he did. It's capable stuff, though that may be stretching the definition of the word a little. Obviously low budget and made by people who had to juggle many roles at once, I've seen a lot worse in every department but I've seen a lot better too.

Movie Review: Monamour (2005)

Directed by: Tinto Brass
Cult Epics

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What Russ Meyer was to curvaceous mammaries; Tinto Brass is to luscious derrieres. If you've seen a Tinto Brass film, you'll notice the man truly loves a lady's bottom and how it is presented artistically on film. Framing a pair of butt-cheeks is paramount in the presentation of Tinto's many beautiful subjects he puts in one of his films. Tinto has an amazing eye for the suppleness of a round derrière as well as those other womanly features -such as boobage-, much like Russ' ability to catch that appropriate jiggle. "Real" woman are highlighted -don't expect scrawny girls, mosquito bite breasts or shaved privates- in most of Tinto's cinematic entries, and celebrated. Cult Epics' newest release of director, Tinto Brass', Monamour is (thankfully) not a departure from his other creations. Cult Epics' growing Tinto Brass library includes many films from the Italian king of erotica: The Voyeur, I Am What I Am, The Howl and the recently released, Kick The Cock (just to name a few).

Movie Review: Poultreygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006, Blu-Ray)

by Jeff Dolniak

Directed by: Lloyd Kaufman

Few people in the history of independent filmmaking have been able to accumulate such a grand resume of cult classics as Poultreygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead writer, director, producer and co-star Lloyd Kaufman has been able to accumulate over the past 35 years. Lloyd's company, Troma films has contributed more, tits, shit-jokes, handicapped gags, exploding heads, evisceration, social commentary, pustule-poppings, dick jokes, rabid senior-citizens, non-porn Ron Jeremy cameos, urination, toxic super-humans, redneck zombies, Joe Fleishaker (AKA Michael Herz) moments, singing cannibals than most (or all) independent companies I can think of. Yes, there's more stuff I'm leaving out...but you get it. Some of the details in the sentence above may not be your cup of toxic goo, but for the most part, this reviewer has had plenty of cinematic memories via Troma productions. With the likes of tasteless splatter classics, such as, The Toxic Avenger, Bloodsucking Freaks, Troma's War, Class of Nukem High, Tromeo and Juliet, Redneck Zombies, Combat Shock and others; Troma -while certainly not always hitting the mark- has set a bar for fans of extreme cult cinema. That bar is something they...themselves must compete with. That brings me to Troma's most recent production -recently released on Blu-Ray- of the horror-comedy Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.

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Movie Review: Fable: Teeth of Beasts (2009)

by David Hayes

I really, really, really wanted to like Fable: Teeth of Beasts. You don't run across a micro-budget dark fantasy very often. There's a reason for that, though. Having no budget, when completely manufacturing a fantasy world, is a huge hurdle to get over. If you have no money, you must have a stellar crew, engaging and charismatic cast and the story has to be tight like a tiger. Unfortunately, Fable didn't have any of that. I will say, though, that the film is ambitious. Probably one of the most ambitious micro-budget films I've seen. With that said, ambition can only go so far. The story, if I can make this out, revolves around Lilith Noir (Melantha Blackthorne), a freelance lady bad-ass in the city of Fable. Fable is a parallel dimension, essentially, where demons and ghouls and homeless people all live together. There is a weird little sub-story about a human girl that crosses over (due, I think, to a combination of 1983 Aptiva special effects and a heavy, heavy dose of bad acting) from our world to Fable, but that is abandoned pretty quickly. Lilith gets the job to stop a Gallu Demon (Dale Denton). This being a fantasy/horror film, she succeeds in the end, but at what cost? I'll tell you what cost... my retinas burn.

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Movie Review: Carnies (2010)

by David Hayes

Carnies is an interesting film. I doubt that anyone can relate to this, but it is very, very reminiscent of Ed Wood's work once his film career had ended. Wood wound up writing a large amount of novels and a good deal of these dealt with horror as set in the world of the travelling carnival. Clowns, sideshows, barkers... all of them were wrapped up in Wood's dark tales (usually murdered and a poor transvesite was the patsy, but that is classic Ed Wood). Fifty years later, that unique blend of old-school carnival and slick, modern horror is revived in writer/director Brian Corder's Carnies. It is, most definitely, a lush and colorful film noir, but it escapes the hackneyed murder-mystery plot fairly quickly, while retaining the stylish atmosphere of Tod Browning's Freaks. Carnies, after establishing the mood, is a straight-up horror film... and that is a compliment where I come from.

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Movie Review: Suck (2009)

by Jeff Dolniak

When the acclaimed horror-spoof Suck came across the desks here at the Cinema Head Cheese office, I had to wrestle the new vampire comedy-from E1 Entertainment and director Rob Stefaniuk- out of our eager staff's paws. After climbing over the mountain of KFC Double-Down wrappers on my desk and wading through spilled Milwaukee Best -courtesy of Kevin Moyers- ,I grabbed the Blu-Ray from the top of our "to watch" stack, before any of the Cheesers. With likes of rock legends, Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper (that guy from Monster Dog), Henry Rollins, genre great Malcom McDowell and my favorite "Kid" from "Kid's in The Hall, Dave Foley; Suck has really got some star-power going for it. What an assemblage of talent, I thought. Oh and look… a quote from Rolling Stone saying Suck has the potential to be a cult classic". The Blu-Ray quickly disappeared into the slim orifice of my Playstation 3.

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Movie Review: Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! (2010)

by Heather Henshaw

Written and directed by: Chad Ferrin

This was the worst episode of Saturday Night Live ever! Oh, wait, I was just informed this was not a SNL skit. If you sat down to watch this film, you would swear it was. From the slow points all the way to a kid who you can tell was not handicapped.

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A con who we know as Remington (Timothy Muskatell) has worked his way into a mother's heart, putting on a caring show to her son, Nicholas (Ricardo Gray) when she is there. But as soon as she leaves for work, the abuse towards the boy begins. While the mother, Mindy (Charlotte Marie), is hard at work, this con goes for some hookers and cocaine. He also invites his friend over to play with the boy. The only comfort the boy gets is in confiding with his new pet bunny that he got in the first part of the movie from a stranger. It's time for the party to start, but Nicholas is nowhere to be found. Someone is lurking around in an Easter Bunny outfit and taking them out one by one. It's time for a little holiday fun.

Movie Review: Deadfall Trail (2010)

by Hal Astell

Director: Roze

Stars: Shane Dean, Slade Hall, Cavin Gray Schneider

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I've been looking forward to Deadfall Trail for quite some time, even though it appears to be a backup movie, made when director Roze and executive producer Robert Guthrie failed to raise enough funding for the project they really wanted to do. They only had $100,000 to play with, still a decent amount for an indie Arizona picture, but it was a surprise hit at the Phoenix Film Festival earlier this year, enough so that it landed a limited theatrical run at Harkins Theaters. I think I missed it in favour of Lovely, Still, which was such a great film that I never regretted my choice, but I kept hoping I'd be able to catch up with this one anyway. Shot in northern Arizona over three weeks, it's an intelligent piece, supposedly based on a true story about a three week survival trip in the Kaibab National Forest. It follows three men who head out into the wilderness to hunt, to commune with nature and to embark upon a peyote fuelled spirit quest.

Hollywood Roadkill: Star Wars: The Lost Episodes

by David Hayes and Kevin Moyers

Long before we were punished with the world's worst prequel trilogy, rumors led us to believe that George Lucas was planning on making nine Star Wars films. Many assumed that since the first six episodes were made that numbers seven through nine would close out the series. We were all wrong. What follows are the three sequels that will never be filmed.

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Episode VII: A Wookie Home Companion

After the downtime that Chewbacca suffered through post-Return of the Jedi, he sought out future reality show guru, Mark Burnett, and put together a pilot for a Do It Yourself-type of show. Way ahead of his time, Chewbacca patterned his show, A Wookie Home Companion, after the highly-successful PBS outing, Old Yankee Workshop, fronted by the perennially flannel-clad, Jewish cobbler Norm Abrams. Although Chewbacca was very skilled, mostly from impromptu repairs on the Millenium Falcon, test audiences reacted poorly to his on-air persona. Each of the audience members felt that the information and handyman knowledge they received from Chewbacca was priceless, his constant howling and poor sportsmanship with guests. Court cases began to pile up as dismembered specialty workers, like Leon the Spanish Tile guy, sued for punitive damages after having his arms ripped off by the Home Companion's host. Apparently, he did not let the Wookie win. Rumor has it that Chewbacca only took the role in the disastrous third Star Wars prequel in order to pay the legal fees.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #3 featuring Tom Towles

Episode #3 - Tom Towles: Portrait of an Actor

Heather Henshaw interviews horror movie regular Tom Towles, and Kevin Moyers talks about the loss of two great comedians, Robert Schimmel and Greg Giraldo.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

Find Tom Towles, Robert Schimmel and Greg Giraldo on Amazon.com

Hollywood Roadkill: SNL Movies That Never Happened

Saturday Night Live has produced many movies from their wealth of characters. Some, like The Blues Brothers and Wayne's World, were big hits. Other characters did not fare so well. Pat, Stuart Smalley and the Ladies Man come to mind. We have been threatened with movies from a few other characters, but a handful have been overlooked. Here are a few characters and sketches from the SNL lineup that I think could carry a movie, good or bad.

Find Saturday Night Live on Amazon.com

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Tarzan, Tonto and Frankenstein

Imagine our three heores in a fish out of water tale. They work in cubicles together in an office building. Mayhem ensues as the complications of the coffee maker, fax machine and Internet make Frankenstein mad. While Phil Hartman is no longer with us, Darrell Hammond might be able to slide right into the role. Grunts and grumbles would be too hard to type out in the screenplay, so this might never get off the ground.

Movie Review: Graphic Sexual Horror (2009)

by Jeff Dolniak

Directed by: Barbara Bell and Anna Lorentzon

Synapse Films

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Generally, when a documentary appears on television (no matter what the subject matter) I tend to, at the very least, give it a watch. Real people, doing real things in this fascinating world of ours. Scripted film can rarely touch the drama or depth of what all we living humans do. Documentaries on adult entertainment have always appealed to me, but they tend to be all over the place. Graphic Sexual Horror, from producer and director's, Barbara Bell and Anna Lorentzon, is not one of them. It's not about adult films, or even straight up "screw-and-chew"; it's about the notorious and highly popular site called, INSEX. INSEX is not your average site for those seeking sexual gratification via the internet; it's a website solely committed to outrageous bondage and sado-masochism. Many of the acts shown on INSEX were so extreme it eventually led to their demise courtesy of The Department of Homeland Security.

Intercultural Barriers in Machete

by Neal Trout

Machete is the latest offering by writer / director Robert Rodriguez and his Austin, Texas based Troublemaker studios. Drawing from the highly charged current events surrounding immigration reform and border security, Rodriguez penned this grindhouse film centered on the title character, Machete, a Mexican Federale, who is double crossed in his home country, and, after his family is killed, ends up an illegal worker in the United States. Flash forward to present day, where Machete is hired by a mysterious business man to assassinate a crooked, anti-immigrant senator, John McLaughlin, played by Academy Award winner Robert De Niro. During the assignation attempt Machete ends up being framed, the whole thing setup as a publicity stunt to garner more anti-illegal support. This sets Machete off on a brutal rampage of revenge against his former bosses and their henchmen, including a group of vigilante minutemen, lead by Lt. Stillman, played by Don Johnson. He is helped by Luz, a woman running the Network, an organization that helps smuggle undocumented workers over the border, played by Michelle Rodriguez, and by Sartana, the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent trying to stop the Network, whom Machete shows the error of her ways, played by Jessica Alba. In the end Machete is able to stop the men oppressing his people and get revenge on the drug lord who killed his family. Throughout the film there are a number of characters that encounter intercultural communication barriers. We will briefly examine a few examples of this, exploring exactly what these barriers were, and how the characters could have used different strategies to overcome them.

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Movie Review: Color Me Blood Red (1965)

by David Hayes

This is one of the famed "Blood Trilogy" by Herschell Gordon Lewis. The other films in the trilogy (Blood Feast and Two Thousand Maniacs) are a littler gorier and a little better done than this entry. Color details the
artist-y and neurotic-y life of one Mr. Adam Sorg, played by the ugliest man in Hollywood, Don Joseph, who is chastised by a local art critic, Gregorovich, for not having a sense of color. Now, this art critic is obviously worldly and intelligent, due to the prominent beret and long cigarette holder. The gallery that Sorg shows his paintings in is obviously austere and culture-defining because they use mismatched folding chairs to seat their patrons. To boil it down, Sorg is quite upset by his lack of acceptance and runs home to his HIDDEN HOME ON THE BEACH (sorry, but I am possessed by the Gods to capitalize plot devices) and his caustic live-in girlfriend. Blah, blah, blah Sorg cuts his finger and realizes that the color that he needed to be set apart and accepted in the art world is blood. Pay no mention to the fact that blood dries a maroon like color and Lewis blood dries a bright, brothel red. After Sorg drains himself of enough blood to paint an entire picture (and enough to kill a horse) his painting is accepted as genius by the worldly critic and the incredibly trendy gallery. But after that, what to do? The only sensible thing is to kill your wise-mouthed girlfriend (and after sex with Don Joseph, she probably asked for it) and paint another picture. Well, Mr. Sorg is off and running, but his materials are running low. What now? Of course, there are always teenagers making out on your HIDDEN PRIVATE BEACH, so the answer presents itself handily. He paints some more, he gets caught and he is killed. A copy of the film is sent to the Academy for Oscar consideration and the world is a better place.

Buy Color Me Blood Red or The Blood Trilogy on DVD

The first thing that I want to know is why would anyone steal the plotline from Roger Corman's Bucket of Blood? The second thing I want to know is, why does Lewis continue to hire Don Joseph? He looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid with severe acne. And finally, why did anyone make this film? The tagline is appropriate. The posters that Lewis printed for the "theatrical release" (all four days of it) say, "Fiendish is the word for it!" and I wholeheartedly agree. This movie is fiendish! In a bright spot, Iris Marshall plays a wonderful piece of cardboard interested in Sorg's paintings. Her characterization rings true, I actually believed her to be corrugated. Snubbed once again by the People's Choice awards, Lewis went on to hire Don Joseph again. Luckily for the world, Don Joseph's romantic ingénue days ended by 1970. Ironically, his sex appeal came to a halt when free love was in full swing.

Note: If you want to watch the entire movie, just press play below.

Game Review: Halo: Reach (2010)

by Zack Anderson

I just finished the campaign in Halo: Reach. As the Pillar of Autumn proceeds slowly toward the floating ring world that gives the series its name, I must say that it certainly has been one helluva ride. Ten years, five games, (I don't count Halo: Wars, and you shouldn't either) and countless dead Covenant have passed over my eyes and ears, and it has all been exciting and challenging.

Buy Halo: Reach for Xbox 360

That being said, I still don't know what the hell the story is really about, other than the simple one: "The aliens want to kill everyone. Kill them first." I've been told that the books fill in the story, so I guess I should check those out if I really want to know what's happening.

Movie Review: Lights Camera Dead (2007)

by Jeff Dolniak

Directed by: Tim Reaper

Buy Lights Camera Dead on DVD

These days, it seems many micro-budget filmmakers are going the way of the 60's and 70's exploitation films (I Dismember Mama, Night of the Bloody Apes, etc.) with the use of some truly absurd and at times humorous titles. Who can resist popping in recent b film entries with titles like Incest Death Squad or the awful Destined to Be Ingested? I know I can't, that's why I was excited to pop this micro-budget slasher, from writer and director, Tim Reaper, called Lights Camera Dead. Great title, right? Some times you find a diamond, and other times you get Destined to Be Ingested. Will Lights Camera Dead live up to its clever name, I wondered; or is it just going to seriously lay the smackdown on my brain-stem.

Doing the JOB... with Joe Broni: Des Moines, IA

by Joe Broni

Hello wrestling fans! Joe Broni here with my inaugural Cinema Head Cheese column. Being on the road is rough. As I travel up and down, around and across this great country of ours (and sometimes Canada, a great country that is almost ours) the professional wrestler can encounter any number of weird promoters, fans and fellow workers. Even though my win/loss record isn't stellar (currently 0-142), it seems there is no end of colorful road stories that you fans are drooling over. For example: