Movie Review: Shogun Assassin (Blu-Ray)

Review by Jeff


Directed by: Robert Houston

Shogun Assassin has had quite a history as a bonafide cult film. For one, It's easily one of the more notable Asian cult film entries, that has maintained a strong cult status over the past 30 years. The definition of the term "Grindhouse" has to have director ,Robert Houston's, Shogun Assassin written in somewhere. "Grindhouse" films generally have a unique hook -whether they be horror, blaxploitation, martial arts, action, porn - that separate them from their own genre counterparts. Shogun Assassin is no Seven Samurai, by any stretch. Seven Samurai is also not a grindhouse film. As someone who has viewed Shogun Assassin numerous times - via shoddy bootlegs and the original long out-of-print Media video release - I've been able to enjoy all of it's visceral exploitedness; but never did I think their would be an uncut Blu-ray release. Well, thanks to the folks at Animeigo, Shogun Assassin the Blu-Ray has become a reality.

Buy Shogun Assassin (Blu-Ray) on Amazon.com

Movie Review: Behind Convent Walls (Cult Epics)

Directed by: Walerian Borowczyk

Cinema Head Cheese has been pretty sparse in the nun-sploitation department, so I thought, why not kick off this sub-genre with Walerian Borowczyk’s classic contribution, Behind Convent Walls – from Cult Epics. For those of you unfamiliar with Walerian Borowczyk – he is Polish-born Catholic filmmaker who immigrated to France to pursue his passion of making movies, that were not only a visual feast but filled with very controversial subject-matter. One of those being, the Catholic church. His focus in Behind Convent Walls is clearly on the oppression of sexuality in the Christian faith – with nuns and a very cantankerous Mother Superior. These nuns look nothing like the ones you may have grown up with in Catholic school – many are actually quite lovely. Add an uninhibited-ness to the saucy mix and you have a convent filled with raging desire that would make Pope Benedict mess his papal gown.

Buy Behind Convent Walls on Amazon.com

Based on Stendahl’s story, Roman Walks, Behind Convent Walls tells the tale of a Mother Superior(Gabriella Giacobbe) that has nearly lost all control of the young nuns in her convent. This proves to be a monumental task, as virtually all of the young ladies are showing no sense of restraint when it comes to giving and receiving the carnal pleasures - they’re so forbidden . Behind Convent Walls is as much an exploitation film as it is an arthouse feature. Borowczyk’s choice to have Luciano Tovoli as his Cinematographer, truly, is what sets this – what could be your average nun-sploitation – into the realm of the sublime. Aside from Tovoli’s energetic camera , he also uses soft-focus - which only enhances the atmosphere to an almost dream-like feel. If you’ve only viewed Behind Convent Walls in its truncated form you’ll be thoroughly pleased with Cult Epic’s release, as it’s completely uncut – featuring the often excised “Nun and wooden dildo scene”. This scene is divine in its presentation, and is sure to make all God-fearing folk scramble for their rosary beads.
The picture quality of Cult Epics' release of Behind Convent Walls is very good. Their isn't any visible print damage and grain is at a bare minimum. The fact that this is the uncut version of the film , it's very impressive. This release is also in it's original aspect ratio, 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen. The audio is quite solid and unforgettable the organ music sounds clearer than ever before. You also have both Italian and English subtitle options.

Supplementary materials are featured on this disc as well : Behind The Walls (featurette), an interview with Cinematographer extraordinaire, Luciano Tovoli and a Photo and Lobby Card gallery. The Behind The Walls featurette isn't very long, but for that duration we are given many facts on Behind Convent Walls, Walerian Borowczyk's career and censorship. Borowczyk historians, Marc Morris, Sam Dunn and Daniel Bird provide great insight on the Polish filmmaker.

Behind Convent Walls gets first-rate treatment overall in this Cult Epics’ release.

Format: Color, DVD, Enhanced, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen
Language: English, French, Italian
Subtitles: English
Region: Region 1
Aspect Ratio: 1.66:1
Rated: Unrated
Studio: Cult Epics
DVD Release Date: March 30, 2010
Run Time: 95 minutes

Six Degrees of Cheese: Six Comedians Gone Too Soon

by Kevin Moyers

I've loved stand-up comedy since I was a kid. Seeing George Carlin at age twelve truly changed my life and way of thinking. All I wanted to do was what he did. While I'm a long way from being Carlin, I do enjoy performing now and again. I'm not very interested in all of the travel it takes to do this for a living, but I understand the draw of that difficult lifestyle.

Recently, we lost two comedians that I would hold up among the greats. I don't think anyone was ready to see either go. They had so much more to say, and that's why they're on my list below.

Movie Review: Vamperotica: Tales from the Bloodvault (2010)

by David Hayes

Vamperotica: Tales from the Bloodvault is another entry in the hugely successful comic book-to-film formula. Don't expect Spider-Man style effects or Road to Perdition type drama… but get ready for a fun little exercise in the large-breasted vampire genre. The title alone is undeniable proof of "what you see is what you get." Written and directed by Vamperotica comic creator, Kirk Lindo, Tales tells the, well, tale of b-movie producer Nicky, the money he owes to the mob and the one last epic he produces (in a single night no less) about a sexy and evil Vampire Queen (played by the always buxom Glori Anne Gilbert who could, if she concentrates really hard, breast feed an entire third world nation). Little does Nicky know that the Vampire Queen actress is a real vampire (and not a "natural" like Nicky thinks). The feature comes in at a lean 80 minutes.

Movie Review: Jingles the Clown (2010)

by Heather Henshaw

Directed by Tommy Brunswick

Written by Todd Brunswick

Buy Jingles the Clown on DVD

If you love to scare the crap out of your friends with a movie about a psychotic killer clown who just won’t die then this film is for you! If you have a deadly fear of crazy ass psychopathic clowns, well then, you’re out of luck.

Mr. Jingles was a child entertainer who turned into a murderous serial killer clown. He would take his victims to his house to torture then murder them. Well, one day, he took Angela and her family back to this house. One by one, Angela is forced to watch her family slaughtered. Luckily for her, the police come just in time to shoot the mad clown down before he can kill the poor little girl.

Movie Review: I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

by Heather Henshaw

Directed by: Steven Monroe

Written by: Meir Zarchi

Buy I Spit on Your Grave on DVD or Blu-ray

Many people bash or refuse to see remakes due to Hollywood's deservedly poor reputation in that regard. Either the original is far superior or the remake has absolutely nothing to do with the original. Regardless, this was a remake I was highly anticipating (as were many others). The tickets to this screening were gone in three hours from the moment they went on sale. Everyone at the screening I attended waited for hours in line and a few of us talked about the original. Due to the marketing for this version, we were trying to imagine how this move was supposedly going to be “even more graphic” than the original. Boy, did they ever deliver on that promise! Multiple audience members couldn't make it through the entire film.

Movie Review: Inception (2010)

Review by Hollis Jay

I only heard my father play sax once. The notes draped over me and transformed my environment into a spectacular wilderness of sound. But, in that one playing I could tell that he was a master at music. Déjà vu. It only took me one minute to figure out that the movie Inception was a masterpiece. As the first dream sequence began to turn to rubble, my heart caught into my chest and I could feel something that I rarely feel while viewing a film: anticipation.

BUY THE INCEPTION BLU-RAY/DVD COMBO AT AMAZON.COM


First of all, the casting was amazing. John Papsidera performed a fabulous job of balancing out actors in regards to their strengths and weaknesses. He chose actors from all forms of cinema. He chose experienced actors and those who have only performed in a few films. He also chose actors who would give depth to the story, and be able to allow their characters to evolve in a smooth manner. If Marion Cotillard doesn’t get an Oscar nomination for her performance, I would be surprised. Also, all of the actors allowed the story to be the star and didn’t appear to fight over their position in the film regardless of their character. They allowed the story to speak for itself.

Book Review: Security Risk by Ed Wood

by David Hayes

As Security Risk truthfully states on the back cover, “If a man can’t be bought with money… Get him a woman!” and semi-truthfully states on the front cover, “Another Pad Library Best Seller.” This is another classic case of Wood’s real-world experience (minus the freaky sex) shoved smack dab into a smut novel. It seems there is a terrorist group killing employees of a small, low budget production company that produces films for the American Government (much like Wood’s stint with Autonetics Aviation). Detective Tom (or Tim, it keeps changing) Wiere of the Los Angeles Police Department is called in, and so is Colonel Harvey Tate… an expert in such matters.



Tate is “hired” on to the production company staff. His true purpose, though, is to ferret out the spy (there’s always a spy) and keep the production company safe. When Tate’s friend and superior is assassinated, the job becomes personal. It becomes even more personal when Tate starts and affair with silver screen superstar Karen Faber. Faber, as a favor to the producer, has agreed to star in one of their low budget pictures. Tate’s first meeting with Faber is classic Wood:

Movie Review: Shower of Blood (2004)

by Hayden Davis

Wow. That’s it. Wow. This shot on video vampire epic had more gratuitous nudity than this humble reviewer has seen in many a moon. In a nutshell, 5 teenagers (all played by thirty and forty-something non-actors) are driving to a concert. They decide to spend the night at the home of one of the girl’s uncle. Unbeknownst to the group is the fact that Uncle Marty (Martin Shannon) is an ages old vampire, who happens to be the horniest man on the face of the planet.

Buy Shower of Blood on DVD

Before we’re even 10 minutes into the film, we have already had full frontal nudity, more penis jokes than you can shake a stick at, a vomiting stripper and the debut of the completely over the top Uncle Marty. It just gets better. Characters start to die and come back (it really doesn’t matter in what order) and EVERYONE gets naked. The cast is comprised of a Penthouse model (Robin Brown), a tight real-life fitness instructor (Lia Montelongo) and a Troma Tromette, a girl that was in an ad in the back of Playboy and a few other local strippers.

Movie Review: Recycled Parts (2007)

by Hal Astell

Directors: Erick Vega, Bradley Young and Larry Sands

Stars: Girstin Bergquist, David Dartt, Brandon Brendel, Michael Dias, Lisa Gail, Joe Duffy and Larry Sands

Buy Recycled Parts on DVD


We get a naked girl even before we get a title: that has to count for something, right? It really needs to count for something because this doesn't promise to be a very good movie, cool title notwithstanding. There isn't much of a story and what there is gets diluted by three directors and four writers, never a good sign. It's cheesy as all get out but after surviving the first twenty minutes or so I came to the conclusion that it's meant to be and it merely takes that long to get what the filmmakers were trying to do. No, it isn't a good film but there's a really fun one trying to get out, one that would play like something Herschell Gordon Lewis would have made, had he started out twenty years later than he did. It's capable stuff, though that may be stretching the definition of the word a little. Obviously low budget and made by people who had to juggle many roles at once, I've seen a lot worse in every department but I've seen a lot better too.

Movie Review: Monamour (2005)

Directed by: Tinto Brass
Cult Epics

Buy Monamour on DVD

What Russ Meyer was to curvaceous mammaries; Tinto Brass is to luscious derrieres. If you've seen a Tinto Brass film, you'll notice the man truly loves a lady's bottom and how it is presented artistically on film. Framing a pair of butt-cheeks is paramount in the presentation of Tinto's many beautiful subjects he puts in one of his films. Tinto has an amazing eye for the suppleness of a round derrière as well as those other womanly features -such as boobage-, much like Russ' ability to catch that appropriate jiggle. "Real" woman are highlighted -don't expect scrawny girls, mosquito bite breasts or shaved privates- in most of Tinto's cinematic entries, and celebrated. Cult Epics' newest release of director, Tinto Brass', Monamour is (thankfully) not a departure from his other creations. Cult Epics' growing Tinto Brass library includes many films from the Italian king of erotica: The Voyeur, I Am What I Am, The Howl and the recently released, Kick The Cock (just to name a few).

Movie Review: Poultreygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006, Blu-Ray)

by Jeff Dolniak

Directed by: Lloyd Kaufman

Few people in the history of independent filmmaking have been able to accumulate such a grand resume of cult classics as Poultreygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead writer, director, producer and co-star Lloyd Kaufman has been able to accumulate over the past 35 years. Lloyd's company, Troma films has contributed more, tits, shit-jokes, handicapped gags, exploding heads, evisceration, social commentary, pustule-poppings, dick jokes, rabid senior-citizens, non-porn Ron Jeremy cameos, urination, toxic super-humans, redneck zombies, Joe Fleishaker (AKA Michael Herz) moments, singing cannibals than most (or all) independent companies I can think of. Yes, there's more stuff I'm leaving out...but you get it. Some of the details in the sentence above may not be your cup of toxic goo, but for the most part, this reviewer has had plenty of cinematic memories via Troma productions. With the likes of tasteless splatter classics, such as, The Toxic Avenger, Bloodsucking Freaks, Troma's War, Class of Nukem High, Tromeo and Juliet, Redneck Zombies, Combat Shock and others; Troma -while certainly not always hitting the mark- has set a bar for fans of extreme cult cinema. That bar is something they...themselves must compete with. That brings me to Troma's most recent production -recently released on Blu-Ray- of the horror-comedy Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.

Buy Poultreygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead on Blu-Ray

Movie Review: Fable: Teeth of Beasts (2009)

by David Hayes

I really, really, really wanted to like Fable: Teeth of Beasts. You don't run across a micro-budget dark fantasy very often. There's a reason for that, though. Having no budget, when completely manufacturing a fantasy world, is a huge hurdle to get over. If you have no money, you must have a stellar crew, engaging and charismatic cast and the story has to be tight like a tiger. Unfortunately, Fable didn't have any of that. I will say, though, that the film is ambitious. Probably one of the most ambitious micro-budget films I've seen. With that said, ambition can only go so far. The story, if I can make this out, revolves around Lilith Noir (Melantha Blackthorne), a freelance lady bad-ass in the city of Fable. Fable is a parallel dimension, essentially, where demons and ghouls and homeless people all live together. There is a weird little sub-story about a human girl that crosses over (due, I think, to a combination of 1983 Aptiva special effects and a heavy, heavy dose of bad acting) from our world to Fable, but that is abandoned pretty quickly. Lilith gets the job to stop a Gallu Demon (Dale Denton). This being a fantasy/horror film, she succeeds in the end, but at what cost? I'll tell you what cost... my retinas burn.

Buy Fable: Teeth of Beasts on DVD

Movie Review: Carnies (2010)

by David Hayes

Carnies is an interesting film. I doubt that anyone can relate to this, but it is very, very reminiscent of Ed Wood's work once his film career had ended. Wood wound up writing a large amount of novels and a good deal of these dealt with horror as set in the world of the travelling carnival. Clowns, sideshows, barkers... all of them were wrapped up in Wood's dark tales (usually murdered and a poor transvesite was the patsy, but that is classic Ed Wood). Fifty years later, that unique blend of old-school carnival and slick, modern horror is revived in writer/director Brian Corder's Carnies. It is, most definitely, a lush and colorful film noir, but it escapes the hackneyed murder-mystery plot fairly quickly, while retaining the stylish atmosphere of Tod Browning's Freaks. Carnies, after establishing the mood, is a straight-up horror film... and that is a compliment where I come from.

Buy Carnies on DVD

Movie Review: Suck (2009)

by Jeff Dolniak

When the acclaimed horror-spoof Suck came across the desks here at the Cinema Head Cheese office, I had to wrestle the new vampire comedy-from E1 Entertainment and director Rob Stefaniuk- out of our eager staff's paws. After climbing over the mountain of KFC Double-Down wrappers on my desk and wading through spilled Milwaukee Best -courtesy of Kevin Moyers- ,I grabbed the Blu-Ray from the top of our "to watch" stack, before any of the Cheesers. With likes of rock legends, Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper (that guy from Monster Dog), Henry Rollins, genre great Malcom McDowell and my favorite "Kid" from "Kid's in The Hall, Dave Foley; Suck has really got some star-power going for it. What an assemblage of talent, I thought. Oh and look… a quote from Rolling Stone saying Suck has the potential to be a cult classic". The Blu-Ray quickly disappeared into the slim orifice of my Playstation 3.

BUY SUCK ON DVD OR BLU-RAY

Movie Review: Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! (2010)

by Heather Henshaw

Written and directed by: Chad Ferrin

This was the worst episode of Saturday Night Live ever! Oh, wait, I was just informed this was not a SNL skit. If you sat down to watch this film, you would swear it was. From the slow points all the way to a kid who you can tell was not handicapped.

Buy Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! on DVD


A con who we know as Remington (Timothy Muskatell) has worked his way into a mother's heart, putting on a caring show to her son, Nicholas (Ricardo Gray) when she is there. But as soon as she leaves for work, the abuse towards the boy begins. While the mother, Mindy (Charlotte Marie), is hard at work, this con goes for some hookers and cocaine. He also invites his friend over to play with the boy. The only comfort the boy gets is in confiding with his new pet bunny that he got in the first part of the movie from a stranger. It's time for the party to start, but Nicholas is nowhere to be found. Someone is lurking around in an Easter Bunny outfit and taking them out one by one. It's time for a little holiday fun.

Movie Review: Deadfall Trail (2010)

by Hal Astell

Director: Roze

Stars: Shane Dean, Slade Hall, Cavin Gray Schneider

Buy Deadfall Trail on DVD

I've been looking forward to Deadfall Trail for quite some time, even though it appears to be a backup movie, made when director Roze and executive producer Robert Guthrie failed to raise enough funding for the project they really wanted to do. They only had $100,000 to play with, still a decent amount for an indie Arizona picture, but it was a surprise hit at the Phoenix Film Festival earlier this year, enough so that it landed a limited theatrical run at Harkins Theaters. I think I missed it in favour of Lovely, Still, which was such a great film that I never regretted my choice, but I kept hoping I'd be able to catch up with this one anyway. Shot in northern Arizona over three weeks, it's an intelligent piece, supposedly based on a true story about a three week survival trip in the Kaibab National Forest. It follows three men who head out into the wilderness to hunt, to commune with nature and to embark upon a peyote fuelled spirit quest.

Hollywood Roadkill: Star Wars: The Lost Episodes

by David Hayes and Kevin Moyers

Long before we were punished with the world's worst prequel trilogy, rumors led us to believe that George Lucas was planning on making nine Star Wars films. Many assumed that since the first six episodes were made that numbers seven through nine would close out the series. We were all wrong. What follows are the three sequels that will never be filmed.

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Episode VII: A Wookie Home Companion

After the downtime that Chewbacca suffered through post-Return of the Jedi, he sought out future reality show guru, Mark Burnett, and put together a pilot for a Do It Yourself-type of show. Way ahead of his time, Chewbacca patterned his show, A Wookie Home Companion, after the highly-successful PBS outing, Old Yankee Workshop, fronted by the perennially flannel-clad, Jewish cobbler Norm Abrams. Although Chewbacca was very skilled, mostly from impromptu repairs on the Millenium Falcon, test audiences reacted poorly to his on-air persona. Each of the audience members felt that the information and handyman knowledge they received from Chewbacca was priceless, his constant howling and poor sportsmanship with guests. Court cases began to pile up as dismembered specialty workers, like Leon the Spanish Tile guy, sued for punitive damages after having his arms ripped off by the Home Companion's host. Apparently, he did not let the Wookie win. Rumor has it that Chewbacca only took the role in the disastrous third Star Wars prequel in order to pay the legal fees.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #3 featuring Tom Towles

Episode #3 - Tom Towles: Portrait of an Actor

Heather Henshaw interviews horror movie regular Tom Towles, and Kevin Moyers talks about the loss of two great comedians, Robert Schimmel and Greg Giraldo.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

Find Tom Towles, Robert Schimmel and Greg Giraldo on Amazon.com

Hollywood Roadkill: SNL Movies That Never Happened

Saturday Night Live has produced many movies from their wealth of characters. Some, like The Blues Brothers and Wayne's World, were big hits. Other characters did not fare so well. Pat, Stuart Smalley and the Ladies Man come to mind. We have been threatened with movies from a few other characters, but a handful have been overlooked. Here are a few characters and sketches from the SNL lineup that I think could carry a movie, good or bad.

Find Saturday Night Live on Amazon.com

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Tarzan, Tonto and Frankenstein

Imagine our three heores in a fish out of water tale. They work in cubicles together in an office building. Mayhem ensues as the complications of the coffee maker, fax machine and Internet make Frankenstein mad. While Phil Hartman is no longer with us, Darrell Hammond might be able to slide right into the role. Grunts and grumbles would be too hard to type out in the screenplay, so this might never get off the ground.