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Showing posts with label revenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label revenge. Show all posts

September 4, 2021

Hollywood’s New Blood (1989) Movie Review

What seems to be happening to me more and more lately is that I’ll come across a flick that I think, at first, will just be a small fluffy piece of crappy entertainment. I’ll watch it; I’ll hate myself for watching; eventually, I’ll move on. Perhaps I might even turn it off because it’s boring beyond belief.

But sometimes these flicks make me pause. I hold my thumb over that “off” button for a long time before I realize I’ve put the remote down and have become fully immersed in the shit show unfolding before me. The only time I pick that fucker back up is to pause said garbage parade when I can’t stop laughing and I’m afraid I’ll miss more terribleness that might keep me entertained.

Hollywood’s New Blood is just such a movie.

(SPOILERS AHOY)

Picture it: 1989, a small troupe of up-and-coming thespians attending an acting seminar out in the woods. A woods that comes with its own tragic backstory – of the Glouster family clan (yes, the entire clan) that was accidentally blown to smithereens on a movie set. Legend says the locals can still see the figures of three Glouster brothers as they roam the woods, looking for the body parts of their clansmen.

Or something like that.

One of the young performers, Bret, grew up nearby. He heard all the stories; he spent his summers on this very lake. And he piecemeals these gory little tidbits over the course of the seminar to his fellow actor wanna-bes and their teacher. Too bad absolutely NO ONE cares because if they did, they might have been able to save themselves from terrible fates at the hands of the vengeful Glouster family ghosts as they exact their revenge.


Sounds good on paper, right? Maybe not that new or exciting but a reasonably entertaining dive into the ghost/revenge/horror trope, right?


If they’d stuck with the ghosts out for revenge idea, that would have been fine. But halfway through the film, Bret tells us oh yeah, three of the brothers – Jeb, Luke, and Neil -  were never found but let’s just count them as dead, okay? Even before that, when we see the three Glousters, they’re hobbled and scarred and still wrapped in bandages. Okay, yes, Jacob Marley looked like that, too, but Charles Dickens this is not.

Pretty much all of the characters are fodder. They aren’t developed enough for us to care about. The viewer wants them to die so they can just STOP BEING TERRIBLE ACTORS. I will give Joe Balogh, who plays Mitch, some props because he was the best actor in the bunch, and his character was the biggest smart ass. That doesn’t mean I was sad to see him die; he just did a decent job with his character before the Glouster boys got him.

The whole movie is filmed on two locations – the cabin and the woods. So there was a lot of repeated usage of the same stills, shadowy action shots, killer cam moving through the woods. I’m sure that was a budgetary choice but it also felt like padding the run time. And I’d wager they REALLY padded the film with the extended grappling scenes between killers and victims, stalking scenarios, and shambling though the woods to their intended destinations.


What if C-A-T really does spell dog?

The sound isn’t the worst I’ve come across. There’s not a huge range of decibels between dialogue and sound effects. But the sound effects themselves…any time we got the killer cam as he moved through the woods, the sound effects were jungle noises. And I’m talking howler monkeys and shit. That was the first time I paused the video. I thought I was hearing it wrong. Noooope. Honest to gods: howler monkeys.

The second time I paused the movie was during the scene where each actor had to find an object in the woods, bring it back to the cabin, and make up a story about it. And Mitch finds some bones and a skull. A mother fucking skull. Fortunately for us, Bret is there to tell us that it’s not an animal. It’s human!

Whoever didn’t already know that is probably too young to be watching this. But thanks for clearing up any confusion none of us were having.

The third time I paused the film was during the climactic fight scene between the last Glouster brother and Bret. At a point earlier in the film, Bret instructs Liz to break up the skull and bones and sharpen them so she can have a weapon. Later, as Bret wrestler with Neil Glouster for FAR TOO LONG, Bret grabs the skull and slams it into Neil’s face, whereby it sticks as Neil screams bloody murder.

I honestly hurt myself laughing so hard at the point, though I will admit that the jawless skull stuck on Neil’s face as he screamed looked pretty fucking creepy.


Resting Bitch Face a Deux

The last bits I’ll harp on come at the end. Once the story is done, we get cut scenes of each character that probably last about 15-20 seconds each. You’d think the filmmakers would use this as a chance to put up titles such as “Bobby Johnston as Bret” or “Lynn Pirtle as Joely”. Nope, just snippets of film while the most terrible, awful, no good, very bad, unbelievably dreadful theme song plays. FOR SEVEN MINUTES AND FIVE SECONDS before we get the ending credits.

Who was in charge here? I demand to see the manager!

Look, I try not to steer people toward unmitigated crap if I can help it. There’s nothing worse than spending 90 minutes watching something that makes you want to question all your life choices leading up to this point in time. However…Hollywood’s New Blood is 77 minutes of accidental hilarity. Yes, at times it’s painful. You may even feel personally attacked. But why not pour a hefty drink, maybe have a little edible (hey – it’s legal here, shut up), and tune into Hollywood’s New Blood? Chances are you’ll hate yourself in the morning but you’ll enjoy the ride before the sun comes up.

Extra: best line of the film come from the character, Donna. “How can I feel scared? There’s nothing dangerous around here.”

You got that right, sweet cheeks. You got that right.

1.5 hatchet (out of 5)


(SORRY - I could not find a trailer posted anywhere for this one) 

 


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February 21, 2020

Clownado (2019) Movie Review


I’m not exactly sure when the tipping point came in the horror/comedy genre, where filmmakers felt the need to incorporate weather phenomena into EVERY FUCKING STORYLINE that involved some kind of predatory animal, usually sharks. Well, not to be outdone, the carnival circuit wants in on the fun, too, and so we have...

CLOWNADO.

I. Shit. You. Not.

Writer, director, and editor, Todd Sheets, brings us the tale of a traveling circus and its troupe of murderous clowns. Head clown, and circus owner, Big Ronnie, finds his darling wife, Savanna,  having an affair with Cash (a guy, not a pile of currency). The two are planning to rob the circus, then run away to start a new life together with their unborn baby. As you might imagine, Ronnie has a problem with that plan. He murders Cash, but keeps Savanna around to humiliate and abuse her.

Well, Savanna ain’t having that shit, so she asks her friend to perform a spell to trap Ronnie and his clown crew in a giant tornado. Might have been more generic, as in ‘get rid of that asshole for me’ but that’s how the magic interpreted it. Either way...it’s a weird way to go. However, it works. The group is swept up into Mother Nature’s vacuum cleaner, and Savanna hits the road, hoping to never see Ronnie again.

Unfortunately, she can’t run far enough. The clownado rips across the country, wreaking havoc and killing everyone, as the clowns seek revenge against the woman who cursed them.



*wipes hand across face*  Where do I begin...

The problem with films that have a multitasking crew member (writer, director, and editor comes to mind...) is that one, or all, of those jobs are weaker for it. To me, the editing and writing have suffered here. The film looks and feels choppy, particularly during the kills. Editing is a great way to save funds on special effects and whatnot, but maybe a separately dedicated editor could have done a better job, and made me feel less seasick.

What the hell are we watching, dude?

The general story itself is clear, but Todd adds in way too many moving parts. Character  development is rushed and incomplete; plot holes abound, or aspects to the cursed clowns are brought up once then never explored; and the whole idea that the heroes need to stop the tornado itself to end the killer clowns’ destructive spree, but once the clowns are killed off by good old-fashioned guns or some stabby-stabby with a knife, then the absolutely ridiculous “scientific” method of ending the tornado becomes a moot point, doesn’t it?

The dialogue is so cringe worthy. A lot of similes and metaphors are thrown around, and the cadence is more in line with the noir gangster films of the 1940s (or Rocky from Bugs Bunny). In line with that, the acting is (wait for it....) less than stellar. It’s not the most horrible I’ve seen; I never felt the need to turn off the film because the performances were so terrible, except perhaps during Big Ronnie’s scenes. I don’t know if he was trying to channel The Joker (whichever incarnation you want to imagine, or maybe all of them) but he chewed up his scenes with more gusto than a rabid hyena.

And, unfortunately, the ninety seconds of screen time Linnea Quigley brought to the bar owner character was not enough to save...anything. Neither did the gratuitous naked titties, nor the lesbian make-out sesh.

Now, all that said, there are a few things I did enjoy. The kills are about 95% practical effects. There are a few blood splatters that are CGI, along with the storm footage and the final kill, but the rest is a good mixture of rubber, silicone, fake blood, and gooshy stuff to entertain, even in their “that’s not how the human body is built or works but whatevs” extremity.

The Gacy Fan Club Board of Directors

And there were two points in the film where I laughed out loud. This is a comedy, so it was planned that way, I’m sure, though most of the humor was more dad than pro comedian. One joke: “This storm is nastier than a $2 hooker on $1 Thursdays.” And just near the end, as the survivors each pop out from behind a wall, in time with an accent in the music, felt very Three Stooges - and I mean that in the best way possible.

Overall, this is a pretty shit film. Maybe if the clowns had been left on the ground and just traveled around being nefarious, it would have been better. I feel like the tornado aspect put a damper on something that could have been more interesting and less trend-whoring. The dissonance between the subject matter and dialogue was too jarring to work well. And the underdeveloped characters floundered in an over complicated and unbelievable story (and that’s leaving out the clowns-traveling-in-a-tornado thing).

I say skip it.

1/2 hatchet (out of 5)





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March 20, 2019

Movie Review: "Family Honor" (1973, Cinerama Releasing/Code Red)




…this reviewer?? Always been a highly devoted and respectably knowledgeable top-40 pop music lover…a progressive and well-versed fan of the more familiar, more popular, and often played music hits of countless high profile artists, stretching as far back as the golden age of ‘50’s pop and rock ‘n’ roll (…wasn’t even yet a twinkle in my parent’s eyes, back then…but nonetheless, God bless them for instilling a love of that era of music, into my appreciative listening repertoire). Hardly unusual...that scuffed, scratched and worn plastic dial on the car radio, or on the shoulder-straining portable ‘boom box’, was evermore ‘super-glued’ to the lower-band AM dial. Indeed, an almost religious disciple of the Sunday morning Casey Kasem top-100 countdown, back in the day when he reigned supreme over the radio airwaves. And those old-school TV advertised top-40 music collections from the ‘70’s, periodically released by Ronco and K-Tel (…yes, folks…only $5.99, per album or cassette tape…20 original hits, 20 original stars, like…)?? Yeah, (I) had ‘em all…

…now, y’all may roll your eyes at the mind-numbing, umpteenth time that the Lipps, Inc. version of “Funkytown” is toted out on the airwaves. For myself…hey, my toes, they’ll still be a-tappin’…again, and again, and again (...as I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…doo-doo doo doo doo, doo doo dah dee-doo…)…

…at home, the myriad collection of artists’ greatest hits albums, cassettes, compact discs…yeah, there might even be a dozen and a half or so of 8-track tapes, still buried in a box somewhere, too…far outnumbering the singularly themed releases, containing maybe one or two hits, and the rest of the lot…eh, likable, but for the most part, negligible and rarely heard. Even the hundreds…nay, even thousands of Frisbee-sized, black vinyl .45 RPM records…hey, a mere $1.99 each, at the long defunct Tower Records…with a top-40 hit on one side, and a notable, though slighted ‘other’ song…the lauded ‘B’ side, on the other…each carefully preserved in their own individual sleeves, and occasionally…the dust blown off those scratchy singles, and piled up on a turntable spindle, for successive, drop-sequential aural appreciation (…i.e., ‘hey Buddy!! Wanna come over and play some records??)…

…that been said…eh, every once in a blue moon…well, change-of-pace curiosity would momentarily take the driver’s seat, and invariably suggest that…hey, why not flip those dang .45’s over, like thin ebony-shaded flapjacks, and ‘cook up’ those lesser appreciated ‘B’ side puppies?? And the result of that revelation?? Well, more than often enough, you retain the artist’s intended heartfelt mood and fervor, but on a much more personal, ambitious, and meaningful level, though considerably less commercial and less prolific. The ‘A’ side…well, that’s for the dance-floor, arena rockin' general masses…but the ‘B’ side?? Perhaps advocated by the more ardent and appreciative of the artist’s following…something more personal, meaningful and diminutive, than the ‘preferred’ commercial piece…but no less reflective of the artist’s favored musical form or genre…

…from a cult film enthusiast’s point of view, this comparative observation might well seem not unlike…yeah, not unlike those well-paired old-school drive-in double features, of decades past…you know, where the first movie is a very commercial, higher-profile and higher budgeted film, within a specific genre…followed by, providing you stick around for it, the co-feature…usually within the same genre, to keep that momentum of flavor going, but on a much lesser, though no less ambitious scale & intent, budget and production–wise…

...(…sigh…OK, so I’ve had better lead-in’s…hey, doing the best I can, with what I’ve got, focusing on this ‘lil’ film that could’...gimme a break, will ya'?? But, then again...sheesh!! Talk about a shortcut, by way of Albuquerque…LOL!!!)…

…Scruffy and shaggy New York police officer and Army veteran Joey Fortunato is in the throes of dilemma and conflict. You see, some seven years previous, his father…a well-respected and seasoned cop, himself…was reportedly set up, ambushed and brutally killed in the streets, in cold blood by the local mafia. Since his father’s well-mourned passing, Joey’s mother and his uncle…both devoted Catholics, and both direct descendants of Italian immigrants…have relentlessly scolded, ranted at, and pressured him, insisting that he seek out ‘eye for an eye’ justice, and outright kill his father’s murderers, if at the very least, for the sake of the family’s honor (…uh, roll credits). Unfortunately, given a police officer’s morality and limitations, Joey finds himself hard pressed to act according to his mother’s wishes, as although everyone on the streets seems to know who killed Joey’s father, there appears to be no definitive proof that Carlo Regatti, the local mobster high-lord, was responsible for the contracted hit…
…in hopes of appeasing his mother and uncle to some degree, Joey reluctantly instigates his own covert investigation of his father’s murder; unfortunately, in the midst of having heavily roughed up and hammered one of Carlo’s loyal cronies for information, Joey is suspended, and forced to surrender his badge and gun, in response to his unorthodox and unauthorized actions. And to make matters worse, in pursuing and stalking Carlo from the shadows…seen just enough to let a progressively angered and enraged Carlo know that he is being pursued and stalked…not to mention, rousting and scaring one of Carlo’s business gatherings, with the blast of a sawed-off shotgun…Joey finds himself propelled to the number one spot, on Carlo’s hit list…
…keeping himself covert and in the shadows, Joey finds momentary solace, and a sense of personal progress in taking in and helping out a destitute, young and sickly waif of a drug addict, whom he is surprised to find out, he once went to school with. However, the well-intentioned headway efforts in getting the girl clean are short lived, when Joey returns home from his continued investigation, and finds that the girl has died…or rather, has been killed via overdose, by the ordered hit-man sent to his apartment to kill him. And to make matters even worse, the mob boss Carlo is also inexplicably found brutally killed, with the murder having been set up to suggested that Joey had perpetrated the killing. Despite all of this, as well as the fatal possibility of now getting killed by either his misdirected fellow police officers, or the now-vengeful quite mobsters…Joey nonetheless carries forward with his 'investigation'...sawed off shotgun in hand...realizing all too well at this point, that there is clearly more than meets the eye, with regards to his father’s death, and any involvement with or by the mob…
…thinking back and recalling those bygone classic times of drive-in cinema…say, back in the late ‘60’s to early seventies (…at the time, as a snot-nosed kid, seated on the backseat car window ledge, folded over the car roof, and getting a slight crick in the neck…my view, nonetheless unswervingly transfixed on the towering movie screen before me, reflecting back onto the car windshield), there was no mistaking those great, high-profile, big studio crime dramas, released at the time. Coppola’s “The Godfather” & “The Godfather, Part II”…Sidney Lumet’s “Serpico”…Scorsese’s “Mean Streets”…among countless others. The unnerving, albeit transfixing viciousness and grit of inner city intrigue and crime…a grim, grating and chilling city street borough ‘brrr’ to the mind, like being ‘forced’ to bite the concrete curb. The ruthless & ambitious criminal agendas and attitudes portrayed…outwardly, one can’t help but entrust that these ‘goodfellas’ would invariably be squelched by the local John Q. Law; however, in the alternate interim, one cannot help but feel an underlining measure of precarious glee and satisfaction, in seeing the bad guys do their thing…
…and after having let loose an exasperating breath of relief, once the final credits begin rolling on the screen…unclenching from a mentally, even a bit physically exhausting cinematic experience…hey folks, it’s intermission time. Time to get that last little walk and stretch, before the next movie…not to mention, gotta drain the ol’ lizard…maybe get one of those greasy ratburgers, or some of that cardboard crusted pizza…and quickly saunter back to the car, with hopes that the next feature film will continue the engaging momentum, having been instilled by the first movie…
…more than often enough, that second feature…given an ideal exhibitor’s pairing…does that very thing, albeit on a lesser budget, lesser profile and lesser production fervor. Trouble is…although they may well perform in that intent…well, who actually remembers by name, those ideally paired, lower-tiered, under-the-radar flicks, which often play for the mere moment, then disappear into obscurity, leaving perhaps a faint whiff of ‘…say, I remember seeing this great little movie, way back when, when it played with (fill in the blank)…but I be damned if I don’t remember the title”??...

…”Family Honor”…coined herein on this reviewed blu-ray release as merely “Honor”…much like one of those quirky character actors, whom one recognizes by sight, despite being unable to place an immediate name with the face…is definitely one of those films…
…interestingly enough…and most likely, the resourceful, well-scribed credit to the writer & director team of Clark Worswick and Louis Pastore (…who would tag-team their well-matched efforts again, some 13 years later, for the equally under-appreciated, extreme balls-to-the-wall espionage crime thriller, “Agent on Ice”)…’Family Honor’s sometimes claustrophobically photographed (…uh, you can’t tell me that ol’ Quentin Tarantino wasn’t influenced by this film, to some degree…that closed-in, circling 'round-the-table dialogue scene between gangster goons and mob accountants, or that DIY 'shooting up the junk' snippet, is a dead giveaway), wonderfully thick and atmospheric, albeit economical 17-grit grating (…hey, don’t knock the ol’ 17-grit sandpaper, now; it’ll deftly put a deep, slivered texture in the wood grain…as well as un-obstructively take off the top six layers of skin, with one swipe…Yikes!!), hard-nosed city street attitude is rendered in not so much the rough and deteriorated locales and visuals, but in the damn realistic exposition of the film’s no-holds-barred characters…
…really…the film’s main ‘setting’ is outwardly and liberally flavored the cold and ruthless inner-city asphalt streets of New York, as one might suggest...the outskirts city structures, the ratty and decrepit suburban slums, apartments, et al…and indeed, that may well be where they filmed the movie’s various scene proceedings. However, with the clearly economical, minimally budgeted photography and production values herein…hey, “Family Honor” might have been generically, albeit suitably filmed in just about any big-city Anywhere, USA…and rather, it’s the emotionally driven, hard-nosed, slightly over-the-top characterizations, which convincingly sell the film as a born & bred New Yorker, in as far as to say that when one watches the film, one doesn’t so much see actors playing the characters on the screen, than more so one might genuinely believe that these were real people we are seeing. Even the setting’s early ‘70’s wardrobe attire is picture perfect timely, in that respect, if you consider the clunky-bulky police uniforms, as well as the swag rock star-like gangster suits and hairstyles (...hey, them thugs gotta be hip wit' da' times, right??). Uh, yeah…it’s that thickly, deliciously realistic, and New York-style gritty…
…with stand-out performances from, for the most part, a surprisingly untried cast, heavily mustachioed actor Anthony Page…who would go on to portray further gritty, inner-city characters, including a powerhouse performance in 1981’s “Prince in the City”) leads the proceedings, as the staunchly charismatic Joey Fortunato…our disgraced, though no less determined police detective…torn between the law-abiding values of justice, and the insistent demands of family honor (…uh, roll credits), which would see justice swiftly stricken, no matter the cost (…I can’t help but quote Sean Connery, in his role as Malone, from 1987’s “The Untouchables”, who poignantly said, “…what are you prepared to do??”). Despite being virtually the only films to their credit…Vera Visconti, William Paxton and James Reyes nonetheless make their film roles herein, unique unto themselves, as…respectively…Joey’s mother, his uncle Tony, and the enraged & vengeful mafia boss, Carlo Regatti. And kicking her early acting chops into gear…a young and spunky Toni Calem, playing Carlo’s overly sheltered school-age daughter; she would continue taking on roles in gritty urban settings, with her television and cable work on shows like “Baretta”, “Kojak”, “Starsky & Hutch”, and much later, a prominent role in the acclaimed HBO series, “The Sopranos”…
…the spotty, synthesizer score ideally accents the rough, tough and grimy events that unfold…but of a much more ironic note, music-wise…why, we have famed rock guitarist, vocalist and songwriter Leslie West, of the ‘70’s hard rock group, Mountain (…oh, c’mon folks!! Surely, you remember the hard-geared, heavy rock smash, “Mississippi Queen”…hey, ‘more cowbell’, right??), strangely cast (…yet not so strangely, considering the rockin’ big hair of the mafia goons, in this flick) as a ‘blink, and you’ll miss ‘em’ walk-on part, as a background mob gangster…
…Code Red’s salvaged print of “Family Honor” is as deliciously gritty, grimy and bottom -of-the-barrel scuzzy as the film itself; but then, to clean up and remaster this particular film, might well instill some wrongful injustice in the overall drive-in flavor and experience of the film. Surprisingly enough, the promotion and distribution of this film (…by famed independent Cinerama Releasing, who that year, was also representing classic cult hits like “The Harrad Experiment”, “Walking Tall”, “The Mack”, and the equally obscure, under-appreciated & almost forgotten  horror/comedy, “Arnold”) was measurably faltered, commercially…which might well explain the film having been slipped through the cracks, discarded and unjustly buried…

…nonetheless, “Family Honor” is that rare-occasioned second tiered flick…that forlorn, negligible and seemingly disowned .45 ‘B’ side, at it were…which in it’s own right, proudly and shamelessly stands out, even in the spotlight snatching light of higher-showcased, bloated budgeted films of it’s like…

…a cool, late summer evening’s bumper-to-bumper drive-in double feature of Scorsese’s “Mean Streets”, followed by Clark Worswick’s “Family Honor”?? Oh hell, yes…I’d buy that for a dollar…or maybe even $5.50, a carload.....


TEXT HERE

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January 7, 2019

Movie Review: Animalistic (2015)

Okay, it’s time to get back on this movie reviewing mechanical horse! Hey, you have your mixed idioms, and I have mine…

We begin 2019 with a screener for a movie that came out in 2015 (though I just got it last summer, which is why I don’t feel too bad for being so late in bringing you this review.) Animalistic brings us the story of a young woman, Emma, who is kidnapped on her way back from a big business interview. The shady taxi driver, Shirley, chloroforms our not-so-savvy professional woman, and when she wakes, Emma finds herself the captive of a greasy man named Jim, and his slow-witted buddy, Peter.

Over the course of the next few days, Jim rapes and sodomizes Emma. Peter is more there for the gross stuff – I’m pretty sure he fucked the corpse of the previous victim – or to keep an eye on the captive while Jim goes about his normal life with his buddies, and WIFE AND KID.

Eventually, Emma finds the means to escape (a couple of times,) and is able to get revenge on her captors before walking off to freedom.

June 24, 2018

Movie Review: Tales from the Campfire (2017; Night of Terror Films)


…ya’ know?? This able-scribing reviewer…nay, even more so, this ardent devotee of the cinema macabre and fantastique…hath seen it hundreds of times. Uh, no…not the rather cool lil’ movie, which will momentarily get a sweep of keenly focused and illuminating spotlight, herein. Rather, we’re talking the multitude of times having been in the attentive audience of special screening personal appearances, movie-based lecture events and film convention forums…the film stars, the genre writers, the directors, the filmmakers and behind-the-scenes contributors…often times, once fans themselves, and now embracing their own fans…with the unrelenting gauntlet of varied questions asked by eagerly inquisitive forum attendees…’what was it like, working with (fill in the blank)’…’how did you manage to…’…’what are (you) doing now/what are (you) doing next?’…and so on…

…and time & time again…from the more ambitious few in the audience…the same, if not similar question of ‘…if I wanted to get started, how would I get started…how could I get my stuff out there??’ And without missing a beat…to a varying degree, the seasoned response is almost always, ‘…really?? Just get out there and do it…don’t be afraid of taking the chance, given an unswerving passion, and a respectable measure of resources…even the smallest and unpolished projects, given one’s heart and passion, may be well enough to get the ball rolling…even towards something bigger…’…or well, something along those lines…

March 25, 2018

Double Review: Retirement of Joe Corduroy and Skin Eating Jungle Vampires

Since one of the films I’m covering today is a short, let’s make this a double review, shall we? You’re welcome. Though after reading the second review, you may die a little inside.


The Retirement of Joe Corduroy (2012)

This short film is a nice little slice of revenge exploitation. I’m not saying it’s superior to most that are already out there but only using up 25 minutes AND still getting me to care about the characters is a pretty neat trick.

Joe is a retiring dentist. He’s not all that thrilled at the reality but seems he can’t do much about it. He and his nephew, Spencer, are really close and share a love of guns. I think it’s implied that they share a lot more and have a great relationship but the guns are the main focus here. One night, Spencer is jumped, mugged, beaten, and left for dead. As he lies in a hospital bed, comatose, Joe whispers a promise to him - “They’re all gonna pay.”

And so Joe starts a new job of taking down criminals, vigilante style! 

December 29, 2017

Movie Review: Kill Katie Malone (2010)

Sorry it’s been a hot minute since I delved into the slooooooowly dwindling tower of DVDs I got from CHC. I’d like to say the holidays have been super busy for me but to be honest, I think I just got overwhelmed by the stack of suck staring at me every day from the TV stand...reminding me...that it’s full of suck...

Anyway, let’s get into the next one. *weeps*

Kill Katie Malone opens with a terrified young girl holding a box that obviously unnerves her. As she runs to grab something to set the cursed thing on fire, she trips over nothing (bitches always be tripping over nothing) and doesn’t succeed. When her father bursts in, trying to convince some unseen power to spare his daughter, it doesn’t listen.

Obvi.