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November 11, 2010

Movie Review: Schoolgirl Report Volume #7: What The Heart Must Thereby... (1974)

I’d like to start out this review of Impulse Picture's DVD release of Ernst Hofbauer’s Schoolgirl Report Volume VII: What The Heart Must Thereby, by saying the late Austrian-born director of this very film (AKA Teenage Playmates) is the king of ‘70s Bavarian sexploitation. Why do I have such a man-crush on this gentlemen? My answer to that is – see Volumes one through six, and you might get an indication of this guy's talent in displaying gorgeous European women, naked, mixed in with some of the most ridiculously bawdy humor this side of Benny Hill. If you haven’t been acquainted with any of the previous Schoolgirl Report films , their basically soft-core cautionary tales of promiscuity in youth. Don’t get me wrong these are every bit as exploitative as other similar erotic efforts.

Buy Schoolgirl Report on DVD

Schoolgirl Report VII is essentially six tales, including a wrap-around that takes place at courthouse during a trial of young prostitutes and their Johns. A brothel catering to septuagenarians, who like their conquests young, is raided. Not long after the raid, everybody is promptly put in front of the local judiciary. Inside the courtroom and on benches in the hallways, stories of erotica are told. First up we have Helga, a stunning Christina Lindberg look-alike(almost a doppelganger) giving her sexy testimonial in front of the judge. Helga showers, masturbates, then gets surprise fucked by some horny guy wandering the locker-room. This young woman has an insatiable appetite for sex. She’s able to make her addiction to all things carnal, also assist in her academic future. Anybody Helga screws, has to do her homework in return.

An ice cream man who enjoys crawling under restaurant tables to look at lady bits, is the next sleazy slice on deck. This ice cream man has predicament though, as much as he has an affinity for the ladies – there’e his fugly,snorting wife in the way. This story is easily one of the best as it showcases mucho flesh and some surprisingly funny slapstick humor. I found it quite amusing that this creamsicle Casanova also calls his unit “Vesuvius”- named after the Volcano.
In our next segment, yet again, more older fellas are prey to youthful charms of blossoming young women. This time it’s a hitchhiker who enslaves gramps to her box. Unbeknownst to this unlucky chap, this girl wants more than 50 marks for half-and-half, she wants everything in his wallet. With the help of a biker gang, she beats the shit out of him.

The next dose of Schoolgirl Report madness at the courthouse involves Karla. Karla has the hots for her dads business partner. This guy is very leery of her attempts at seducing him, until of course she puts on a strip-show for him. So long to the partnership, time to hide the bratwurst. The two remaining segments have something in common, both involve educators . The first is about an incredibly prudish teacher, who can’t quite keep is students from baring their breasts in class. Why he thinks this is a problem, I don’t know, as his students are quite busty. One of the young ladies unfortunately bares a monstrous blue vein across her areola. A single scary pair of knockers doesn’t spoil the batch for me though. Last but not least, a teacher who is a polar opposite of the character in the previous segment has an interesting love affair with a persistent student named Gaby(played by the stunning, Marianne Dupont). This is less goofy then the previous stories, but with Dupont on-screen it’s difficult to not watch.

Impulse Picture's transfer of Schoolgirl Report VII: What the Heart Must Thereby, is presented in its original German language with a solid transfer, that has just slight wear but no visible damage to the element. The color overall looks very nice. As per usual with Impulse releases, our feature is presented in anamorphic widescreen. English subtitles are also optional and are translated beautifully. You don’t have to worry about stuff like, “Me want sex” in the subtitles. It’s quality sub work and very easy to follow.

If you haven’t yet indulged in Impulse Picture’s, Schoolgirl Report series, get on it! Schoolgirl Report IIV: What the Heart Must Thereby is one of Hofbauer’s better efforts in the popular German sex film series.

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