Movie Review: Muckman (2009)

While I’m not entirely convinced I’ve not incurred the wrath of someone over at Cinema Head Cheese, I have to say this latest film was not all that shitty. So that gives me hope.

Muckman is the story of a disgraced reality show host, Mick. While trying to prove the existence of a mythical monster, he was exposed as a fraud. Now he’s got a new idea, though not really because it’s just the same shit as before. But the station producer wants proof of a REAL monster, not some crap legend. 

His new crew, and the hot reporter chick from his original show who is a raging diva beeyotch, road trip out to Pennsylvania to find proof of The Muckman, a local legend. After meeting their contact, Hobbs, they go in search of the elusive creature.

Unbeknownst to the new crew, everyone else is in on yet another hoax. They set up ‘proof’ around the forest of Muckman’s existence. Though one member of the crew, Billie, is a hell of a lot smarter than the rest of these bozos and can see through the set-up, it turns out the Muckman might not be such a hoax after all.

You’re shocked, I know. But it’s not just the Muckman these yahoos have to worry about. Something else is lurking in the marshes of Muckman territory.

Nope, not joking.

Movie Review: The Black Waters of Echo's Pond (2009, Project 8 Films/Anchor Bay Entertainment)

...oh, that ol' rascally demi-god, Pan...yes, folks, we're talkin' the impish, clove-footed one with the pipe flute, of legendary Greek folklore...often consorting with them pesky, mischievously demonic entities and dark ones, residing in his abysmal lair, Pandemonium (...in learning something new, every day...and now, privy of that word's origin). Tortuously preying upon the eternally damned ones...gleefully partaking of a most sadistic level of entertainment...cruelly exploiting the weaknesses, insecurities, vulnerabilities, jealousies and deceptions of mortal men...if need be, even turning them against one another, for the mere purpose of insidiously voyeuristic pleasures. Wouldn't it be interesting, and wrought with a twisted sense of intrigue, if modern man...who has long since abandoned the classical gods of lore...stumbled upon a venue, whereby the horrors of Pan and his diabolical minions could carry on, in their eternal gameplay of elating torture, pain-infliction...and death. Step right up, folks...gather around the circle...find your token in the game...a game where one is drawn to peer ever so deeply into a watery abyss, in an effort to see one's fate...one's desires...one's true self. Except, such unveiled truths...they aren't always what one expects, and sometimes…well, they ain't too pretty, either...as the following story's hapless and unwary 'players' find out, in the cleverly contrived, chilling and oh-so horrific thriller from 2009, "The Black Waters of Echo's Pond"...

Movie Review: Cropsey (2009)

Childhood legends are created to terrify us into being good. There's the Boogeyman, the stranger with the lost dog and a pocket full of candy, and even Santa Claus. On Staten Island in New York, there was the legend of Cropsey. Cropsey was supposedly a mental patient who escaped a place called Willowbrook and murdered children in the night. The filmmakers recall hearing all of that when they were young, and they talk to a few people about it. That's about the first ten minutes, and then they go on to something else that's not really related, but they try to connect it. Most of the documentary has nothing to do with this legend, which did nothing less than annoy the bejesus out of me for the entirety of the film.

Buy Cropsey on DVD