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August 9, 2012

Movie Review: 1970s Triple Climax: GrindHouse Triple Feature (After Hours Cinema)

Everyone loves a good finish, getting there is fun, no doubt, but its the big, juicy climax that you remember most. And After Hours Cinema is at again, delivering not one....not two....but three obscure porno gems from the 70‘s. Chock full of all the good stuff you love about retro porn.

Youngun’s, this isn't your porn. It isn't even your parents porn, this is the stuff your grandparents were watching on a projector with the bedroom door locked.....way back in the day. When porn movies were grainy and dirty. When polyester was all the rage and wood paneling covered every wall. An era when the pubic hair was so thick the male actors looked like they were making love to sleeping badgers super-glued to the women's crotches. Ahhh... the good ‘ol days. Fans of this type of retro-smut have a lot to be excited about with this trio of spunk-flying goodness, so lets take a quick peak at whats inside...

Film One~ Love Thy Neighbor: A salesman comes home to find his wife screwing a random stranger in his bed. Feeling a bit butt-hurt, he spends about 5 minutes in an awkward and uncomfortable conversation with his wife. She refuses to make her lover leave, so hubby walks out on her and decides to start off on his own sexual adventure. And for a guy who looks like Al Bundy and talks like Pee Wee Herman, this guy is hammering everything with a heart-beat he crosses paths with. The Neighbors, the secretary and random strangers. (One of the women sporting some of the most breath-takingly long armpit hair I have ever seen) The big finale is a fairly well shot orgy scene. (I would hate to be the janitor who had to clean up after this one.)

Film Two~ Rose and the Bee: This one is some type of attempt at art-house porn from the looks of it, in other words there is no hint of a plot, just random, nonsensical scenes. Lots of sex though, and a lot of scenes involving people fucking while watching porn on a projector. So your actually watching for the most part, two different porno’s at one time.....mind-bending stuff. Another gratuitous orgy-scene caps this one off. The women aren't that attractive and most of the guys look like unshowered hobo’s drug in to make a quick buck.
Film Three~ Two Hours on a Sunday: This one is somewhat similar to film two in the sense that everyone is watching pornos on a projector while in the midst of a non-stop orgy sequence that lasts the entire length of the film. Only in this one, everyone involved are friendly and horny neighbors gathered together for some type of secret adult style block party. Fun stuff for the most part and a couple of the girls were actually pretty cute. Most of the time they were grinding to background music suspiciously similar to the theme song from I Dream of Jeanie.

For collectors and fans this off-the-wall stuff, everything you love about old porn is in here, funky music, horny actors that look less like porn stars then they do the people you see standing in line with you at the 7-11, and hundreds of minutes of close-up penetration scenes, complete with more pubic hair then you can shake a machete at. The acting level’s range from bad to comical and the DVD quality is dicey at time. I would imagine this is due in most part to the fact that the original film worked off of was probably in pretty bad shape to begin with. Personally, I love my 70‘s cinema (no matter what genre) grainy and dirty because that's how I remember it.

This stuff isn't for everyone of coarse, as it bares little resemblance to the slickly made porn of today, where every actress looks like frikkin super-model and the guys all seem to be hung like a Blue Whale. Thankfully, After Hours Cinema is keeping the past alive for all of us old-schoolers though. A good effort here.

Reviewed by KennyB

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