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August 26, 2012

Movie Review: Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012, Anchor Bay)

Directed by John Shepphird

Starring Jack Scalia, Jeremy Luke and Joey Russo

Run Time: 87 min.

With summer in full swing and a record-breaking 4th of July crowd soaking up the boardwalk sun, Seaside Heights is the place to be in New Jersey. But when an illegal coastal drilling operation inadvertently unleashes a horde of man-eating albino bull sharks, the coastal town is hurled into chaos, and its up to a local bunch of Italian beach bums led by TC, aka- The Complication (Jeremy Luke), his band of  shirtless Guido sidekicks and his sometimes girlfriend Nooki (Melissa Molinaro), to save the day, save the party and save the town.

When N-SYNC front man Joey Fatone is swallowed alive during a pier-side concert things really get out of hand and they only get worse when Nooki runs off with the rich boys from the local yacht club, forcing the gang to steal the sheriff’s boat and come to the rescue.

In spite of all logic, the whole “Jersey Shore Phenomenon” does have quite a cult following. Love it or hate it, its basically cemented itself into American pop-culture. So a movie like this had to happen sooner or later. And since its a made-for-TV movie put out by SyFy, you should know exactly what your in store for, as its right on par with their other classics like Mega-Python vs. Giant Octopus and Dinocroc vs. Supergator. So if your a fan of this kind of stuff, or just a fan of the whole Jersey Shore thing then it should be worth checking out, as there is a plethora of hot Italian chicks with way too much make-up on and plenty of shirtless guys showing off the abs. There actually were a few laughs to be had here too.

The script wasn't great, of course, but it was silly enough to keep me from wanting to use the disc as a shim to hold up one side of my entertainment center. All that eye-candy didn't hurt either, unfortunately its all of the PG variety, (lots of bikini’s, zero be warned). And that infamous SyFy CGI, good lord it was in all of its glory here as the computer generated sharks were just horrible on a level was laughable and sad all at the same time. In its defense though, there actually were a couple of pretty decent gore scenes, nothing great but pretty bloody for a PG movie.

This movie wasn't my cup of tea, but I am not gonna knock it too bad because I know there are a lot of casual horror fans out there that just might get a kick out of it. Serious, hard-core horror fans need only understand that this is a TV movie based on a ridiculous reality show and not much more.  If nothing else, you do get to see Joey Fatone swallowed whole by a shark though, so it does have that going for it.

Score it 5 out of 10
*Audio Commentary
*On Set: Jersey Shore Shark Attack

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