Movie Review: In the Land of Cannibals (2004)

Again, I have been absent too long from the CHC universe. I have a sizable stack of nothing but gems, I’m sure, to work my way through just for you people. You shall miss my snark no more!

My return is heralded by a juicy little morsel about cannibals in the jungle. Now, I’ve never seen Cannibal Holocaust so I can’t do a compare/contrast. I know...I’m disappointed in me, too.

In the Land of Cannibals begins with a troupe of commandos flying into the jungles of Brazil (via the Philippines) on a search and rescue mission. Some random General’s daughter went missing on some vague trip to the area earlier. So our merry band of Army brats is here to save the day. I guess. They seem rather inept to me.

With the help of a local guide (Romero) and his native scout (Isaiah), the group sets out to find Sarah Armstrong and anyone else from the original group that might still be alive. They have to worry about the People of the Lake, though, an indigenous tribe of cannibals. No on has ever seen them, of course, or if they have they didn’t live to tell the tale (so who exactly tells the tales about them?).

Luckily they have a prisoner from another local tribe - not cannibals but they DO eat people as part of some ritual (doesn’t that make them cannibals?). They use him to find his village where they might learn about the People of the Lake. But not before stumbling across a guy performing a ritual on his unfaithful wife (read: mutilating her genitalia, gutting her, then eating her uterus). I think I blacked out a little after that bit.

ANYWAY…

Movie Review: Grindhouse Trailer Classics Vol. 1 (Intervision / Nucleus Films)

A few years back the U.K genre specialists at Nucleus Films produced their first of four volumes (up to now) of cult film trailer compilations entitled Grindhouse Trailer Classics. At the time it wasn't available for anyone outside of England unless you had an all-region DVD player...that is, until now. Severin Films’ sleazy little brother, Intervision have now locked their teeth into the region one debut of this collection with their new release making it even more available to the masses. If you have yet to see it, it’s a deliciously diabolical compilation of trash that shows some major love for the lost art of the trailer and grindhouse theaters of yesteryear.

This particular collection is pretty exhaustive as there are well over 2 hours of trailers with the different genres often associated with the grindhouse -- horror, sexploitation, kung fu, Blaxploitation, Nazisploitation and so on. Here's a list of most of what you’re going to catch on this first volume:

Movie Review: Things (1989)

Severin Films’ even more eclectic label Intervision has shown some consistency on the unpredictability of their title choices. Case in point, Barry J. Gillis’ and Andrew Jordan's mind-numbingly ridiculuous Things. If you have yet to see Things, it really is kind of crazy and shockingly amusing in a Tommy Wiseau's The Room kind of way. Ironically Severin’s release  of Birdemic has been labeled The Room for the horror crowd. As a big fan of The Room, this little Canadian number feels a lot closer, and just as inept.

Don Drake (Barry J. Gillis) and Fred Horton (Bruce Roach) are a couple of beer chugging hosers hanging out in a house that’s infested with mutated ants that look sort of like the spawn creatures from The Deadly Spawn.  Sounds like a fun creature? Well, after what seems to be an hour of beer drinking, watching TV and putting bugs in each others sandwiches we eventually get to see them. Yes, it's a slow burn, much like the clap. Things can be incredibly tedious at times with so much lame padding, after a while though it grows on you.

Movie Review: Sledgehammer (1983, Intervision)

The folks over at Intervision have tackled some eclectic titles over the past couple years. Their line of oddities includes some of the craziest shot-on- video epics ever made. The Canadian flick Things is one film (err video) of note that made me question a lot of “things” about myself. First and foremost, why am I watching this fucking movie and why am I enjoying it.  B-movie maven David A. Prior (Killer Workout, Future Justice) started his storied movie career off with his take on the slasher genre that was huge in the early 80’s with Sledgehammer. Intervision has some obvious love for the movie and just like with Things has released it onto DVD with all the trimmings.

A mother is shown abusing her young son by locking the moppet in a closet so she can get busy with her boyfriend. The kid’s a crafty fellow so he’s able to MacGyver himself out and track down mum and her beau before they can even get sticky. Junior grabs a hold of a sledgehammer and plants the tool in the back of their melons in cheesy but gory fashion.

Movie Review: Australia After Dark (1975)

Review by Greg Goodsell

Directed by John D. Lamond

In Australia, “Sheila” is slang for woman, due to the preponderance of gals down there who have Sheila for their first name. What do “Sheilas” like to do Down Under? If this Australian mondo-shockumentary is correct, Sheilas like nothing better than to engage of lots of “messy fun.” Said practice is a sexual fetish where the woman finds release in covering themselves – either clothed or naked – in messy foodstuffs.

Australia After Dark begins with a trio of lassies who gleefully agree to have their naked bodies with paint, rubbing themselves on stark, white studio walls before collapsing joyfully on the canvas covered floor. Long before the United Kingdom’s Splosh! Magazine forced this particular kink out of the closet (Splosh! Is championed by director John Waters), Australia After Dark gives this particular byway a strenuous workout. Women cover themselves with honey, treacle, mud, whipped cream and even more body paint, taking up the final half hour of this film’s running time!

Movie Review: The Burning Moon (Intervision, 1997)

Severin Films' eclectic label Intervision has brought some very interesting titles to DVD recently in the form the 80's SOV oddities Things and Sledgehammer. Say what you will about either film, they do have an audience. Olaf Ittenbach's splatter film The Burning Moon is another one of those "films" that seems to be a perfect selection for the label. After sitting on the shelf with only a VHS release via the long defunct Dead Alive Productions the gore classic is making its debut in the US courtesy of Intervision, and well... it's gonna get messy.

Buy The Burning Moon on DVD

Movie Review: The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff (1973, Intervision)

European cult cinema has produced many undeniable talents over the past 50 years: Dario Argento ( Suspiria, Deepred), Mario Bava ( Black Sunday, Bay of Blood), Jean Rollin ( Living Dead Girl, Grapes Of Death), Walerian Borowczyk ( The Beast, Behind Convent Walls) and Lucio Fulci ( City Of The Living Dead, The Beyond ) are just a handful of names that have contributed numerous memorable features. And then there's Jess Franco. A highly skilled and talented filmmaker in his own right, Franco has been brilliant with films like Venus of Furs and Succubus but has also unfortunately churned out unwatchable shot-on-video sludge like Marie Cookie and the Killer Tarantula and Tender Flesh. The directors mentioned earlier are far from perfect but seem to have a tad more consistency than the Spanish filmmaker. A brand new company specializing in euro-cult features called Intervision has just released a thought to be "lost" Franco film from his popular Dr. Orloff series titled, The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff.

Buy The Sinister Eyes Of Dr. Orloff on DVD