Movie Review: In the Land of Cannibals (2004)

Again, I have been absent too long from the CHC universe. I have a sizable stack of nothing but gems, I’m sure, to work my way through just for you people. You shall miss my snark no more!

My return is heralded by a juicy little morsel about cannibals in the jungle. Now, I’ve never seen Cannibal Holocaust so I can’t do a compare/contrast. I know...I’m disappointed in me, too.

In the Land of Cannibals begins with a troupe of commandos flying into the jungles of Brazil (via the Philippines) on a search and rescue mission. Some random General’s daughter went missing on some vague trip to the area earlier. So our merry band of Army brats is here to save the day. I guess. They seem rather inept to me.

With the help of a local guide (Romero) and his native scout (Isaiah), the group sets out to find Sarah Armstrong and anyone else from the original group that might still be alive. They have to worry about the People of the Lake, though, an indigenous tribe of cannibals. No on has ever seen them, of course, or if they have they didn’t live to tell the tale (so who exactly tells the tales about them?).

Luckily they have a prisoner from another local tribe - not cannibals but they DO eat people as part of some ritual (doesn’t that make them cannibals?). They use him to find his village where they might learn about the People of the Lake. But not before stumbling across a guy performing a ritual on his unfaithful wife (read: mutilating her genitalia, gutting her, then eating her uterus). I think I blacked out a little after that bit.

ANYWAY…

Movie Review: Tinto Brass: Maestro of Erotic Cinema (5-Disc Set, Blu-ray / DVD)

As an avid admirer of the wonders of the female form I've always thought that in many ways Russ Meyer is to curvaceous mammaries what Tinto Brass is to luscious derrieres. If you've seen a Tinto Brass film, you'll notice the man truly loves a lady's bottom and how it is presented artistically on film. Framing a pair of butt-cheeks is paramount in the presentation of Tinto's many beautiful subjects he puts in one of his films. Tinto has an amazing eye for the suppleness of a round derrière as well as those other womanly features such as large breasts, much like Russ' ability and has a knack for catching that appropriate jiggle. "Real" woman are highlighted so don't expect scrawny girls, mosquito bite breasts or shaved privates - get ready for some real curvaceous subjects on the opposite side of his camera lens. 

There is a new set entitled Tinto Brass: Maestro of Erotic Cinema from Cult Epics that highlights some of Tinto's finer more recent films - Monamour, the Blu-ray premiere of Black Angel, and also two other decedent slices of Italian naughtiness Private and Cheeky. Could this be an essential addition to the collections of European erotica enthusiasts? Let's have a look!

MOVIE REVIEW: Argento's Dracula (2013, DVD)

Review By: Rob Sibley

Argento... Argento... how the mighty have fallen. I'm kidding, I know Drac 3D has become a running joke ever since the "praying mantis" scene from the first teaser trailer leaked, people joke about this film. Is it a cheese fest? Yes, you bet your ass it but it's also a lot fun. Sure this is pure "cinema head cheese" pardon the plug but you're already reading this, so good for you.

Now we'll get to what the film does right and what it does wrong, this will be a shorter review because it's an easy film to spoil, it really is. Before you watch this film, think of the worst Hammer Horror vampire film, then add buckets of "Mother of tears" style gore and plenty of T&A. Yes Asia Argento is naked a lot in this film. Within the first 10 minutes you see torture, nudity, sex, and major carnage.

Movie Review: The Face with Two Left Feet (1979, Code Red)

...ever bear witness to a movie...never mind if it proves good or bad (...let's face it...some films, like the one you are about to become privy of, are beyond such criticism)...from first frame to last, which has you so incredulously wide-eyed, mouth-gaped, constantly thinking, "...what the @#$%??" Whether you want to walk away or not, that you cannot turn away from it, because of the revelational unbelievability of what you are watching. And at the end, you catch yourself throwing your head back, slapping your forehead with the palm of your hand, rolling your eyes, and exclaiming, "...Jeez!!", a minute or two after the final credits roll...again, not necessarily because of whether the movie was good or bad, but because you just cannot grasp at the reasoning or the possibilities, as to why or how the film could have possibly come into existence, nor can you consider whether or not it deserves to exist. Your mind, gnawed and tortured, you unconsciously pick up the remote, push 'play' again, and engage the film a second time. And after all is said and done, you...uh, you throw up your hands, and sighingly resign yourself to actually liking the film; you're still not sure why or how you like it...or perhaps, you are embarrassed at the reasons for liking the film, but H-H-HAVE to admit liking it, nonetheless. If you can relate to any of this...you, my friends, are in the throes of what is, according to Hoyle, known as the 'guilty pleasure', or perhaps, as in the hapless case of this viewer, having recently embraced the obscure, though still irresistible, enjoyably ludicrous and hilariously wacky, grindhouse-styled, disco-themed comedy, 1979's "The Face with Two Left Feet", you have caught...'The Fever'...

Movie Review: Battle of the Worlds (1961, Ultra Films/Cheezy Flicks)

...ya' know?? One really has to hand it off to cult film director Antonio Margheriti (...or, Anthony Dawson, per his domestically coined moniker), for his ever-changing versatility and his ability to smartly adapt to many film genres, adding his unique style to whatever genre he takes on, without necessarily procuring a sense of 'copycat' or 'knock-off', in whatever 'flavor-of-the-moment' genre, which happens to be 'big', at that particular time and place. Whether it's spaghetti westerns (...1968's "Vengeance", 1967's "Dynamite Joe", etc.) ...swords, sandals & sorcery (...1964's "Devil of the Desert Against the Son of Hercules", 1983's "Yor, the Hunter from the Future", etc.) ...spy thrillers (...1966's "Lightning Bolt" and "Killers are Challenged", etc.) ...edge-of-seat giallos (...1968's "Naked, You Die", 1973's "Seven Deaths in the Cat's Eye", etc.) ...'Raiders'-like high adventure (...1982's "Hunters of the Golden Cobra", 1984's "Ark of the Sun God", etc.) ...mixed genres (...the 1975 blaxploitation western, "Take a Hard Ride"...the 1974 martial arts western, "The Stranger and the Gunfighter", 1973's "Hercules Against Karate", etc.) ...war flicks (...1980's "Hunter of the Apocalypse", 1983's "The Last Blood", etc.) ...cannibals, aliens, sharks & shockumentaries (...1980's "Invasion of the Flesh Hunters", 1989's "Alien from the Deep", 1979's "Killer Fish", 1964's "Mondo Inferno", etc.) ...and horror, of course (...1963's "The Virgin of Nuremberg", 1964's "The Long Hair of Death", and this viewer's favorite of Antonio's, the 1963 gothic horror/romance, "Castle of Blood", amongst others). Indeed, if Antonio is guilty of anything, it's the odd occasion where he quite literally 'rips' himself off (...for instance, with 1971's color remake of "Castle of Blood", called "Web of the Spider"). However, for the purpose of this review's study, it's Antonio's contribution to the genre of science fiction, which stands out as prominently as the other genres, which he has tackled...the films of which are as numerous and varied, including 1966's "War of the Planets", 1960's "Assignment: Outer Space", and an intelligent, tension-filled little sci-fi gem from 1961...offered to us, from the fine folks over at Cheezy Flicks...called "Battle of the Worlds"...

Movie Review: Grand Duel (1972, DVD)

Review By: Rob Sibley

How does this sound? Directed by Giancarlo Santi who was Sergio Leone's second unit director on Good, The Bad & The Ugly and Once upon a time in the west. Written by one of the most talented and prolific Italian writers Ernesto Gastaldi. Who brought us many wrote many fine Westerns such as Day of Anger and My Name is Nobody. What might interest you is Gastaldi was more well known for writing Giallo's.

Such classics as Torso, The Case Of The Scorpions Tail, All the colors of the dark and The Case of the Bloody Iris to name a few. He also wrote the hard boiled crime classic "Kidnap Syndicate" for Fernando Di Leo. Then add in the always impressive Lee Van Cleef and you have one of the best and maybe one of the most single handily underrated spaghetti Westerns of all time! Even Quentin Tarantino used Luis Enríquez Bacalov theme for the film very effectively in Kill Bill Vol 1.

Movie Review: Baron Blood (1972, Blu-ray/DVD Combo Pack)

Review By Rob Sibley

Baron Blood may not be Mario Bava's most highly regarded film, but to me it's certainly a blast to watch. I'm a huge Bava junkie and often find myself revisiting his films often and Baron Blood is always a delight for repeat watches. This might have to do with the fact that the film is much faster paced then your typical Bava flick. Don't get me wrong I adore Black Sunday and the Giallo that started it all “The Girl Who Knew Too Much” and “Kill, Baby Kill...” but those films were definitely methodically paced and just a tad slow now and then. Those films are masterpieces of Italian cinema don't get me wrong, but I think younger audiences sadly would find those films painfully slow. Baron Blood on the other hand builds atmosphere quickly and expertly and moves along like a fine tuned freight train.

Movie Review: The Night Child (Arrow Video)

Reviewed By:
Rob Sibley

The Night Child” has finally been given the proper DVD treatment from the fine folks at Arrow Video. The film was directed by Massimo Dallamano, best known for the classic Giallo  “What have you done to Solange?” but he's better known in the Italian film community as the cinematographer on such great spaghetti westerns “A Fistfull Of Dollars”, “For A Few Dollars More” and “Gunfight At Red Sands”.

The plot for Night Child concerns a documentary filmmaker (Richard Johnson) who's researching the occult for a new film. Eventually a mysterious painting leads him on a little research trip with his daughter (A standout performance by Nicoletta Elmi). Things become complicated when they discover a mysterious cursed medallion.

Made during the hay-day of Italian cinema, Night Child features a lot of the staples of 1970's Euro cinema. Calling this film a horror picture is a tough one since the tone is much more early Bava-esque in it's Gothic overtones. Don't go into this picture expecting any Fulchi or Argento style gore or kills. The film is pretty dry on that front. The gore isn't the only dry thing about this picture. The performances leave a lot to desire.

Movie Review: Come Have Coffee With Us (aka Venga a Prendere Un Caffe Da Noi, 1970)

Directed by Alberto Lattuada

Movie Review By Greg Goodsell

In a 15-minute interview with film historian and Italian film expert Adriano Aprà, he informs us that Come Have Coffee With Us is effectively “an erotic film without eroticism.” He’s hit the nail right on the head there, as the film, a neither-the-sea-nor-the-sand comedy features the great Ugo Tognazzi (of the La Cage Aux Folles series) in the pursuit of three most unappetizing women.

Intent on marrying well, the middle-aged Tognazzi sets his sights on the wealthy if deeply unappealing Tarsilla sisters. Left very well off following the death of their wealthy biologist father, the sisters live in their gloomy mansion attended to by a maid. The eldest, Fortunata (Angela Goodwin) appears to be only in her forties, but seems much, much older and is dried up and virginal. Tarsilla (Francesca Romana Coluzzi), is a seven-foot-tall giantess with a mole above her lip; a librarian, she’s engaged in an active sex life with a luckless businessman also out to score some of the sister’s loot. Camilla (Milena Vukotic), the youngest sister, is naïve and gives new resonance to the term “mousey.”

Movie Review: Young, Violent, Dangerous (aka Librii, Armati, Pericolosi, 1976)

Directed by Romolo Guerrieri

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

A pretty young blonde, Lea (Eleonora Girogi) tells a stern police commissioner (Tomas Milian) that her boyfriend Louie (Max Delys)is planing a gas station heist with his two other friends. While the cops are too quick to write it all off to yet another jealous female, Louie and his friends Joe (Benjamin Lev) and Paul, a.k.a “Blondie (Stefano Patrizi)” follow through with the robbery, leaving three innocent bystanders riddled with bullets. It's only the beginning of their crime and murder spree, as the day grows longer and the boy count soars comfortably into the double digits. Buying weapons from some friendly thugs, the boys rob a supermarket and then gun down their accomplices in cold blood. The blonde joins the trio for the final leg of the journey in an attempt to break through the border into Switzerland. When two gangsters refuse to give them dummy passports, the guys bloodily dispatch them in a bit of vehicular manslaughter. Expressing callous disregard for all who get in the way of their bullets, the good, the bad and the ugly all taste lead and the trio's flight from the law ends with a big bang.