IT’S JUST A GAME (2018) Movie Review

I know nothing about this movie. I know nothing about the writer/director, the cast, the production company, etc. But I saw it at the Flashback convention on a table at the HSPPA booth (Horror & SciFi Prop Preservation Association) offering it to anyone passing by for free. Naturally, being a cheap ass, I picked it up. And after seeing the name of one of the actors on the cover, someone who shares my maiden name, I felt obligated to take it and give it a shot.

I doubt they are any relation to me but what the hell. Seems like the universe wanted me to watch it. So here we go with 2018’s It’s Just a Game.

(As this is relatively new, I will do my best not to spoil any plot points)

 

The flick opens with a quartet of teenage girls having a slumber party. Get your minds out of the gutter, pervs. Not THAT kind of slumber party. They gossip, they play one of those silly ghost games (like Bloody Mary) that, naturally, doesn’t work. It’s just a set up to scare someone. After talking about a bunch of urban legends, they convince the mousy quiet girl, Brianna, to summon Mother Murder – the soul of a long dead witch who was banished to the land of lost souls.

Again, this is just a scare set up by the main mean girl, Claire. She’s the only one laughing so Brianna and Ruby decide to bounce, Ruby inviting Brianna to stay at her house for the rest of the night. Unfortunately, they run into Claire the next day who is STILL a total bitch, making fun of Brianna for her parents committing suicide.

I mean….jeebus ass crackers, Claire.

Brianna runs home and actually tries to summon Mother Murder again, because if you get it right, Mother will grant you any wish. And Bri wants Claire dead.

Typical teenage girl drama.

What Brianna doesn’t realize is that the spell DID work. Mother Murder comes to Brianna in her sleep and gets her to make that wish. Once that happens, all hell breaks loose (literally) as the members of a cult who worship Mother Murder, and want to bring her back into a physical form, come out of the woodwork and make the young teen’s wish come true.

Exactly how many people will die who stand in the way of Mother Murder and her desire to come back and wreak vengeance upon all those who have wronged her?

 

For an indie horror movie, I have to say this wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. That’s probably unfair of me most of the time but you have to admit, A SHIT TON of independent films suck major donkey dick. Can’t blame a girl for being gun shy.

The majority of the acting is lackluster but the actress playing Brianna (Hannah Cohen-Lawler) completely surprised me. Like a pro, she carried every scene she was in. Leah Hudspeth as Amelia was a close second, followed by Sarah Kopkin as Ruby. All three of them played sympathetic characters, though Leah’s Amelia had that extra psychotic flavor to her. Everyone else was just okay…you could see the actor, not the character they played.

I’ve never seen any other works by the writer/director, Daniel Emery Taylor. While the more supernatural urban legend story bits were the most interesting, the rest of the film was filled with  pretty standard horror tropes. But again, for an indie film, I gotta hand it to Daniel for getting some good stuff to the final product.

That said, however…

One of the biggest issues I had was with the audio. Most of the time it was perfectly balanced. But at the most crucial points, let’s say when a few characters are explaining the backstories or important plot points, the music was crushing the actors’ vocals. To this day I have no idea who Skull Girl is, why she can’t or won’t talk, how this damn cult got started, half of Ruby’s sister’s dialogue at the record store, why Thaddeus will back up Skull Girl no matter what, and more.

If the music were any good, which it really isn’t – kinda like eighties punk pop wanna be pretending to be Birthday Massacre -  I’d still be mad because I want to know what’s going on in the film. The background music (ambient, setting the mood, etc.) should be IN THE BACKGROUND.

The other problem I had was with the long winded philosophising of Mother Murder when she shows herself to Brianna. I can only assume she was explaining her back story and what she’ll do when she manifests into physical form. But don’t fucking ask me because, along with music, the vocal echo effects put on the actress’s voice made it nearly impossible to understand her. If it was a short sentence or two, it wouldn’t have been an issue. But this bitch went on and on and on and on and completely lost me about one quarter of the way into her speech.

All of that, and the completely left turn ending (as in introducing new names and characters without any explanation, that I could hear anyway), left me disappointed. While I do hope that Hannah Cohen-Lawler, Leah Hudspeth, and Sarah Kopkin continue to act, I hope they find more worthy vehicles of their talents.

 

1.75 hatchets (out of 5) 

Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast 
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

Lurking Terror (2002) Movie Review

I’ve been going back and forth on whether I wanted to review this movie as, you might guess, I didn’t enjoy it. I’m friends with people who worked on it; I’m familiar with those who wrote/directed it and the…less than stellar behavior they’ve exhibited toward their vendor friends and family in recent years. I, personally, have not been a victim of their, let’s be honest, unethical business practices. But I know quite a few who were.

I only say this because I don’t want anyone reading my review to think that I’ve taken up the flag of war and am ripping the movie because I think these folks are big poopy heads and I don’t like meanies. For any review, whether I know the creators or not, I always give my honest opinions. ABOUT THE MOVIE. If a movie is great, I’ll say so. If it’s a total train wreck, I’ll say that, too, regardless of the creators being total shitbags or Mother Theresa reincarnate.

We good? Good. Let’s get to the review. SPOILERS: More than likely I’ll let a few plot points and spoilers loose in the hopes that will keep anyone from watching the film themselves.

Lurking Terror is a 2002 indie horror about a backwoods family that must sacrifice total strangers to a centuries-old curse on their town of Bridelson and the family line. If they don’t, The Evil will come and destroy them all. And sometimes, when they’ve got more than one person to choose from, they’ll sacrifice one and BBQ the other.

The movie starts with three fugitives on the run from police. Honestly, I don’t remember their names but I want to say they are Reggie, Betty, and Kenny (and if I’m wrong, does it really matter?). Reggie has been shot and they need to find help. After pulling off the road, they stumble through the woods toward a house in the distance. After Kenny is killed by The Evil, the other two hide out in the house and receive help from its owner.

Only he ain’t helping them. He’s leading them into a trap - into the waiting arms, and cage, of the family. Betty will be sacrificed to The Evil and Reggie…well, he’s wounded and won’t make a proper offering. Plus, they haven’t eaten well in too long so he goes on the spit! Unfortunately, before they can enjoy him (blargh), Deputy Laura shows up in her search for the fugitives.

They get the jump on her and lock her up with Betty. But, because BEWBS, the two sons get suckered into her cage where she promptly knocks them out. She and Laura escape in a stolen truck, leaving the family to be taken by The Evil, or even just each other as tempers and fears arise.

But just as you think our two heroines are in the clear, The Evil hitches a ride on their getaway buggy. After Betty slams on the brakes in an attempt to shake it loose, The Evil pops up and snatches Laura from her tentative grasp on freedom and safety.

The closing shot is of “some woman” listening to a news broadcast in her car as the announcer talks about the missing deputy. Just then the car passes the sign to Bridelson where Deputy Laura’s head sits atop a pike.

HOW DOES NO ONE NOTICE THIS??

 

Oy, where to begin? Let me get all the bad out of the way first (believe it or not, there are a couple things I enjoyed while watching).

The acting is absolute trash. Not exactly unexpected though. The original music is amateur. It sounds like any indie horror movie soundtrack with its distortion effects and gruff voicing. Completely generic. Camera/photography is shoddy at best whether for regular shooting or shaking the camera for effect. Editing is terrible and the slo-mo effect was overused and unnecessary (except in one instance which I’ll touch on in a minute). The blood and guts practical effects are...okay.

The sound is uneven. It seemed they only had one or two mics so not every character’s lines could be heard well within the same scene. But at least there wasn’t a lot of disparity between the dialogue and the sound effects. I never felt the need to grab gauze because my ears started bleeding from decibel overload. 

The story is derivative, unoriginal, filled with cliche characters. Way too many exposition dumps, character ramblings, confusing actions, and things that just made no sense. Examples: After taking off her bra to seduce the brothers, does Betty really have time to put it back ON before escaping? I mean, is that a priority here? And how are members of the family confused that The Evil took their “livestock” after they chained it to a tree, like they do with their sacrifices?

By the way, using the word livestock as code for your human BBQ victims…*eye roll*

The Evil itself is confusing. Is it only supposed to attack those from the original bloodlines that incorporated Bridelson or literally anyone on the land, aside from the sacrifices? Because it seemed to do whatever the fuck it wanted. One family character spits out a quick factoid about The Evil not acting normal, which happened once before, but they never expand on that.

With all that said, though, I did find a few things about this flick enjoyable.

Jamie White, who played Deputy Laura, was actually fantastic. Her acting was top notch and she played the only character I gave a damn about. I’m surprised, and a little sad, she didn’t pursue an acting career. Her final scene was the only time the slo-mo effect worked really well as The Evil snatched her up. It’s a great shot.

The daughter of the family pretending to be a captive before her mother scolds her to help the others - I actually laughed out loud at that part.

The Evil creature itself was pretty cool. We never really get a long close look at it during the film but that may have added to its mystique. I have seen a few still images of it and the overall design is great - giant teeth, moss covered body, and long savage claws and teeth make for a creepy creature!

Unfortunately, those few bits are all that’s worthy in this 74-minute pile of hot, steaming garbage. I can’t honestly encourage anyone to watch this just for those few morsels. Avoid this like the clap, people.

1/4 hatchet (out of 5)

Get books, comics, graphic novels and more at bunny17media.com. Use the code CHC at checkout for 15% off your purchase!

Follow Cinema Head Cheese:
Website: cinemaheadcheese.com
Facebook: /cinemaheadcheese
Twitter: @CinHeadCheese
Email: cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com
Instagram: abnormalpodcast 
Pinterest: /abnormalpodcast/cinema-head-cheese/
RSS Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/CinemaHeadCheese
iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/cinema-head-cheese-movie-reviews-news-a-podcast-and-more/id393261942?mt=2
Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=18843&refid=stpr

You can support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment on our Support Us page.

Movie Review: The Devil Lives Here (2015, Artsploitation)

All righty, 2017. Whatchu got for me? A Brazilian horror movie? Cool, that’s better than a Brazilian wax. But it’s kinda trite and not all that interesting? Well, it could be worse I guess. Wait, there area bunch of metaphors that aren’t really metaphors because the bad guy explains it all? Several times??

Dammit.

The Devil Lives Here comes to us from Brazil, which is actually cool because I don’t think I’ve watched one from there before! The basic story is this: three friends - Ale, Jorge, and Magu - head out to a farmhouse to spend the night with another friend, Apolo. The boys wanna play a prank on Magu but instead of just giving her a good scare, they actually stir up the resident spirits and bring about a terrifying night.

Meanwhile, the two sons of the previous caretaker of the farmhouse, Sebastiao and Luciano, raise the corpse of Bento, a centuries old slave, who’s been keeping the bad spirits inside the house so they can’t wreak havoc on the world. These two and the four friends must work together to stop the evil from getting out.

I’ll give you a hint - they fail.

Movie Review: Auteur (2013)

Oh, fake documentary films. Stop it. Just stop. You and your ‘found footage’ asshole cousin need to go spend time in a sanitarium and get clean until you can be real movies again.

Ugh.

Auteur introduces us to Jack Humphreys, a doughy genteel film maker who just hasn’t been able to break into the movie business. But he has a genius idea. If he can track down the missing horror director, Charlie Buckwall, and tell his story, the high brass in Hollywood won’t be able to ignore him anymore and will give him a fantastic movie deal!

Poor naive bastard.

Who the hell is Charlie Buckwall? Well, I’m so glad you asked. Charlie Buckwall is an infamous horror director. And his last film, Demonic, promised to be a giant success. But for some odd reason, before the movie could be released, he disappeared with the only copy, basically screwing over the entire crew, cast, production company, movie house, etc. etc. etc.

Movie Review: Blown (2005)

While I’m working on a series of articles reviewing a certain doll centric movie franchise for another site (*coughcough* REVIEW WHORE *coughcough*), I needed a bit of a palate cleanser before I venture into the final phase. Not sure if this movie is a cleanser so much as a vehicle for alien mouth spores that become sentient, take over my consciousness, and make me kill everyone wearing the color blue.

Blown is a movie brought to us by Abnormal Entertainment. The unholy trinity of David Hayes, Kevin Moyers, and Jeff Dolniak concocted the most ridiculous film I’ve seen in a while. And I just slogged my way through Bride of Chucky.

Bobby (Dolniak) is getting married and celebrates with a loud party. His neighbor, a voodoo witch named Esmerelda (really guys?), has had enough with his merry making. She asks a severed head for advice in creating a curse to put upon Bobby and his buddies. Long story short - her soul ends up in a inflatable fuck doll in whose plastic form she exacts her revenge.