Movie Review: Scorned (2013; Anchor Bay/Horse Head Pictures)

...crazy-insane femme fatales in the movies...ya' just gotta love 'em. Yep...they be oh-so batshit crazy, though often quite clever, intelligent, cunning and resourceful...their world, skewed in the matters of right and wrong...perhaps not even caring about such petty and trivial things. You know them quite well, as well as their infamous and horrifically reciprocative acts. Hey, how about that silver platter of rat tartar, dished out to the invalid? Eh, perhaps a little diversionary touchie-feelie in the tub, followed by a quick underwater flick of the blade, on those oh-so sensitive parts? Or maybe a tasty pot of bunny stew, as a gruesome and shocking reminder of a spurned one-night stand? And let's not forget about a certain deftly applied sledgehammer to the ankles, all because...well naturally, that's what one does, when one is another's 'number one fan'. Yes, we all know them, as well as their brand of vengeance...perhaps a bit too well; after all, such unflinching scenes in films like "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane", "I Spit on Your Grave", "Fatal Attraction" and "Misery", amongst others, have long since become the stuff of movie thriller legend...often emulated and parodied...quite literally to the point of being cliché, these days. So, when the 'new kid...or rather, new psycho on the block' come along...such as the mentally twisted and diabolical, albeit beautiful protagonist of director Mark Jones' latest film, "Scorned"...and purports to pull the same tricks out of the hat, not unlike her famed 'femme fatale' predecessors...well, as much as 'beating a dead horse' could conceivably drag a relatively good thriller concept down, it most assuredly does, in this case...

Movie Review: Junkie (2013, Indiecan Entertainment)

...ah, yes...the ol' time-worn, though still timeless 'odd couple' plot device. The 'what if' driven coupling...sometimes amiable, sometimes reluctant...of two abrasive and acidic personalities, set invariably against each other. Polar opposites...the oil and vinegar types...the ying, against the yang...Baby Jane and Blanche...Oscar and Felix...Riggs and Murtaugh...Elliot and Beverly...Tyler Durden and...well, the other guy (...Sheesh!! All these years, and it wasn't until now that it hit me, that 'the other guy' was not even named)...haphazardly walking that fine line between compatibility and incompatibility. Will they find that happy medium, in order to co-exist...at the very least, work together...or will they drag each other down, down, down, into a dark and inescapable abyss?? Come on, people...be perfectly honest, now; sure, it's fun and interesting to watch two totally different types, finding it within themselves to amiably play their differences harmoniously in tandem, in order to get the job done, no matter what 'the job' is. However, isn't it so much more outrageously fascinating to watch two polar opposites, tug and pull at each other, gratingly...combiningly driving each other down exponentially faster than what each separately might voluntarily plummet. Like watching two freight trains, barrelling incessively and inevitably towards each other at high speed, on opposite sides of the same track...the resulting and unavoidable crash, a sad and tragic, albeit irresistibly compelling inevitability. After all, misery does love company...and of course, demands an audience...

Movie Review: Murder University (DVD, 2012)

Review By: Rob Sibley

Murder University is the latest film from Wild Eye releasing. A company that for the past couple of years has had a pretty good eye (no pun intended) for releasing quality genre films. They continue the success with releasing this gem. Within the first two minutes a gal already has her top removed and is ready to get down... what happens? Oh boy, she hears a noise and asks her boyfriend to investigate. He responds "Are you serious" "Yes or no sex", then he says "fine, but you better be ready when I get back". "Get back" oh boy I love this shit. I'm watching a modern day 80's horror film.

He is then killed within the next minute... yes this is pure 80's horror. Then a Lesbian kiss, a few more murders, a chase happens and the John Carpenter 80's style score kicks in. All within the 6 minute mark... then the theme song with the lyrics "Murder University" kicks in... I'm in horror heaven baby.

Movie Review: Excision (2012, New Normal Films/Anchor Bay)

...for this viewer, as many might agree, a genre film, which garnishes just the right measure of negative reception, or which exploits the potential for that measured degree of negative reception, or even purposefully and gainfully sets itself up for that potential, just for sensationalism...that is, without going so overboard, that it kills the actual film's potential, may the film be good or bad...is pretty damn cool, in this viewer's book. It's like old-age cliché of heavy traffic on the highway, as the result of a multi-vehicle accident; once knowing that there's been an accident ahead, who isn't gonna stop for moment and gawk at the destructive mayhem, as they drive by?? And if there's bloodshed or injury involved...well, all the more probable, as far as the curious 'lookie-loos'. As far as genre films...especially if they are over-the-top disturbing, or graphic, and whether or not there's method to the filmmaker's madness...purpose, associated his or her twisted and disturbing vision...well, damn the critics!! If word gets out that because of the content of a film, medical personnel and vehicles are stationed at the theater...or if people are reportedly fainting in the theater aisles, as the result of watching the film...or if picketers, with signs menacingly and shakingly upheld, attempt to divert movie-goers...or even when staunch and stiff-shirted critics lambaste & petition against a particular movie, warning that 'you should adamantly not see this movie, because it (...fill in the blank; heck, the late Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel used to do that, all the time)...whether such things are staged or not...well, much like the fact that a measurably greasy laden take-out bag might well be the sign of 'fine' cuisine, within...most ardent genre fans, like this viewer, might probably be the first in line, to view the cinematic 'ugliness', suggested by the naysayers, who in most cases, haven't bothered to even watch what they are speaking out against...

...in this viewer's book...uh, what was that old saying about "...if you can't stand the heat...???"...

Movie Review: Night Train to Terror (1985, Vinegar Syndrome)

...getting right down to the nitty gritty, when discussing a rather unconventional genre film, like the 1985 horror anthology flick, "Night Train to Terror", this viewer cannot help but recall a poignantly applicable line in the 1987 Steve Martin-starring comedy, "Roxanne", where at one point, the Cyrano de Bergerac-inspired character Steve plays, crudely describes his character's rather large nose, and says something like, "...it's not the size of the nose that's important; it's what's in it, that's matters". A fitting metaphor, to be sure, considering that "Night Train to Terror"...this totally batshit crazy insane 'trilogy of terror' is basically culled from keenly edited (...ha!!), easier to digest (...double 'ha'!!), Reader's Digest versions of longer and, for the most part, wholly negligible horror-themed feature films (...well, actually...two feature films, and the footage of one unfinished film), including "Scream Your Head Off", "Cataclysm" (...aka "The Nightmare Never Stops") and "The Death Wish Club" (...aka "Gretta"). Horror anthologies are typically a mixed bag, anyways, but in this case, throw in some whacked-looking stop-motion animation...a rather striking and respectable amount of gore...humorously irreverent and irrepressible character actor Richard Moll (...1986's "House", 1982's "Sword and the Sorcerer"), here, doing the 'Karen Black/Trilogy of Terror' thing, by having unrelated multiple roles in the film...some rather arcane, cross-banter, 'good versus evil' dialog, bridging the stories together...not to mention some of the most cheesiest, brainless and tortuously infectious '80's style music video sequences, and you've got an off-the-charts and over-the-top excursion into horror anthology insanity, which tosses in everything, including the kitchen sink...and you know something?? Well, I'll be damned...how about that?? In a weird way, this actually works!!!