Movie Review: Porn Shoot Massacre (2008, Lost Empire Films)

...ya' know?? This viewer truly misses the bygone days of the mid-'80's, to the early '90's, at which time, mail order ad blocks, exploitatively detailing exclusive, micro-budgeted, and independently-produced VHS-formatted horror gems, could be found inconspicuously dotted amidst the other advertisements and articles, in various genre magazines. For a mere 20-spot, on the average, some of the most unique...touch and go, as far as good or bad...titles were rendered available, in this venue...with such offerings, disappearing as quickly as they appeared...and in acquiring these exclusive titles...typically produced by eager fledgling filmmakers, who manage to gather a plethora of friends together, for a bit of fun in grinding out a cheapie...one could proudly engage conversation, in claiming to be the only one within miles, to genuinely have such titles. Titles, such as "555", "Color Me Blood Red...Again", "Splatter: Architects of Fear", the infamous pornographic 'gore' trilogy (..."Gorgasm", "Gorotica" and "Gore Whore"), "Unnaturally Born Killer" and "Mad Ron's Prevues from Hell" (...and yes, this viewer proudly possesses all of these), amongst countless others, were shuffled in with micro-production company titles, from folks like 'Brain Damage Films', 'Tempe Video' & "E.I. Entertainment, and surprisingly enough, many of these obscure horror indies bore enough greater style, imagination, creativity, attitude and ambition, to counter even genre titles produced by the much larger production studios. Yep, such exclusive acquisition days are in the past; however, thanks to the 'net, such eager sophomore genre efforts have proven somewhat more readily available, nowadays, but elatedly, the attitude, style and sense of ambition remain unchanged constants. Considering all that, one might well relish a trist of nostalgic deja-vu, in that respect, with the amusing and oh-so cheesy 2008 softcore horror/comedy effort, "Porn Shoot Massacre"...

Movie Review: The Quiet Ones (2014, Blu-ray)

Oh, the 1970s. Filled with feathered hair, bell bottoms, and unsanctioned experimental medical treatments of psychotically tortured young women. The Quiet Ones brings us Joseph Coupland, a British abnormal psychology professor who truly believes ‘troubled’ people can manifest their negative energy through telekinesis. Once they do that, they can put it...somewhere and it can be destroyed permanently. Hence, Professor Coupland would be able to cure mental illness forever.

No small feat, that.

Coupland has already signed on two students, Harry and Krissi, who truly believe in Joseph’s theories and work. Brian joins last and his job is to film everything. What is everything? Professor Coupland already has a patient, Jane, and they will be performing experiments so she can finally rid herself of whatever is plaguing her.

Too bad the University thinks Coupland is cuckoo for cocoa puffs and pulls all funding. But that doesn’t deter our intrepid professor. He procures some run down abandoned house in the sticks and continues torturing poor Jane until she gives up the goods (I mean teleplasm not sex, you pervs) on the part of her psychosis she has named Evey.

The Corpse-Banging Classic Debuts on Blu-ray! NEKROMANTIK Coming this October from Cult Epics!

NEKROMANTIK Premieres on Blu-ray (dual-layer) and new 2-Disc Special Edition DVD

 Los Angeles, CA (September 2014.) The controversial horror film that shocked the world in 1987, when it was banned in Germany, censored in Japan and simultaneously became a huge underground hit in the US (now long out of print.) Nekromantik tells the story of Rob (Daktari Lorenz) who works at a street-cleaning Agency, and visits roadside accidents to clean up the scene. Incidentally Rob collects the body parts and shares them with his girlfriend Betty (Beatrice M.) When Rob presents a complete corpse taken out of a swamp, their undying love reaches its peak, but soon after Betty gets a more liking towards the corpse and leaves Rob, which takes him to the sick end of his destruction. Cult Epics is proud to release Jorg Buttgereit’s horror classic in High Definition and with 4 hours of extras, including Jorg’s debut short film Hot Love. First 2000 copies include original collectible artwork by Johnny Ryan & Nekrophilia photo of Beatrice M.

Movie Review: The Chambermaids (1974; Impulse Pictures)

...the period, stationed at the Naval drydocks, on the Norfolk, Virginia Naval base, during the early-to-mid '80's, wasn't exactly the most off-time activity prevalent time, in this viewer's eclectically varied military career. Not much to do off-base, after a daily, rough & rigorous 10-hours-plus work shift, except to clear out the mess hall every night, killing the lights, chug a few cans of piss-warm Milwaulkee's Best, and spin the clunky reels of military-sponsored feature films on the rickety ol' projector. However, on the weekend evenings, there was always someone who somehow managed to covertly commandeer one of the base's VW non-designated buses, and as the result, a jaunty motley crew of us would speedily barrel miles down the road, whooping & hollering, and just being good ol' boys, out looking for a good time...or trouble, depending upon the inebriation level. When the bar-hopping scene got stale, and we found ourselves wearing tread on the dirt roads, in and about the midnight hour...without fail, we'd always find ourselves at one of several tucked-away-in-the-fields drive-in theaters, which exclusively flickered some of the wildest, albeit cheeziest and dated X-rated double-feature film fare, ever to have been seen stamped on celluloid. And it was one of these adventurous, late-night occasions, at which time, this viewer first laid eyes on this aged and obscure, playful and kinky little skin flick. Fast forward to 'this very moment'...at which time, afforded the opportunity to fondly revisit this obscure X-rated ditty, with considerably more objectivity, and considerably less alcohol...the invariable question, in this viewer's mind, arises: ...how does "The Chambermaids" hold up, in the advent of 40 years since the film's initial release, during the '70's golden age of skin flicks??...

Movie Review: 42nd Street Forever: Peepshow Collection Volume 3 and 4

It's amazing to think how far we have come when it comes to accessing quality material to get off to. Nowadays, if you're by yourself and looking to squeeze a goopy load to some hot chicks or dudes or whatever all it takes one or two pecks at the keyboard at your taken endless options to make your mess. There was a time when actual adult theaters theaters featured full-length films and loops. While pornographic feature films really just caught on around the early 70's with Deep Throat -- xxx rated loops have been given many an opportunity to choke the bald man into the turtle soup.

Synapse Films' super sleazy sub-label Impulse Pictures have shown a lot lately to make fans of golden age porn happy...now though, they've taken to handling loop compilations with their releases in the 42nd Street Forever: Peepshow Collection. The most recent additions to the collection are volumes three and four which include fifteen outrageous sex loops from the 70's and early 80's. If you think you can handle it here's a look at both!

Volume three serves up a grouping of loops that have plenty of interesting highlights. We get to see a young John Holmes slap around his mammoth python with a young gal. Before he pummels the lass from behind a bunch of butter to the area. Does this help dull the pain? We'll never know because all you can hear is the projector running as is the norm for every single loop on these collections.

Nightbreed Director's Cut Blu-Ray & DVD 10.28.14 from Scream Factory!

EXPERIENCE CLIVE BARKER’S CLASSIC MASTERPIECE IN TERROR 

LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE!

NIGHTBREED: THE DIRECTOR’S CUT ON BLU-RAY™ & DVD 

EVERYWHERE OCTOBER 28, 2014

"This is film history and beyond my wildest dreams of realization.” Clive Barker

Pre-order now at:

Limited-Edition: http://www.shoutfactory.com/product/nightbreed-directors-cut-deluxe-edition

Special Edition: http://www.shoutfactory.com/product/nightbreed-directors-cut

In 1990, the film was released theatrically nationwide. However, the movie studio edited the film extensively and several scenes were excised or rearranged – much to Clive Barker’s disappointment. Since then, a fan-driven movement was created (www.OccupyMidian.com) to see the full version of the film restored and re-released.  Now, after 25 years, fans and horror enthusiasts can finally experience NIGHTBREED like never before! Scream Factory, in conjunction with Warner Bros., was able to find the long-thought-missing original film elements and combed through over 600 boxes to locate not only the lost scenes but a treasure trove of never-before-seen footage as well. With lost footage meticulously restored, the result is not only a more faithful adaptation of Clive Barker’s book Cabal, but also what he originally intended NIGHTBREED to be.

Movie Review: Deadly Eyes (1982; Golden Harvest/Scream Factory)

...going into Shout/Scream Factory's recent release of the 1982 Canadian-produced 'nature-gone-amuck' horror chiller, "Deadly Eyes", sight unseen (...I missed it, when it was originally released theatrically, having instead been intensely engaged in the ol' 'hut-one, hut-two' 12-week-plus military boot camp 'game', at the time), this ardent and devoted viewer of the genre, to be quite honest, really didn't expect much. In fact, given the Fortune Star/Golden Harvest opening logos, I almost thought that I had inadvertently plugged in one of those cheezy chop-socky flicks, which for years, Golden Harvest was best known for. Sure, for a long time, it was dimly known by this unsuspecting fright film fan, that the movie had something to do with killer rats...that the film was based upon a best-selling page-turner, by genre author James Herbert...that, in a surprising genre switch, cult film director Robert 'Enter the Dragon' Clouse, handled the reins of the film. Heck, this viewer was even a bit privy to the concept, that inspiration for the outrageous special effects...especially those depicting the rats...was picked up and taken from that ol' class, notorious known as 'Killer Shrews 101'. Later on, even the dark and somewhat vague box art, displayed on the video shelves, didn't phase nor mesmerize this mega monster movie mogul, who often picked up said video rental from the shelves, took a quick & casual look at it, and with a shrug of the shoulders, placed it back, with an uninterested sigh. I mean, really...a killer rat movie?? What could I see in that, which I had not already seen in, say movies like 1971's "Willard" (...also based on a novel), it's 1972 follow-up, "Ben", or even the 1976 drive-in-flavored creature feature, "Food of the Gods"?? (...I could also mention the 1972 Andy Mulligan stinker, "The Rats are Coming...the Werewolves are Here!"...I could, but naw, scratch that...I won't even go there. Eh, forget I even brought it up...)

...boy, was I in for a big surprise...an understatement, to be sure...

Movie Review: The Legend of Billie Jean (Blu-ray)

Reviewed By: Jimmy D.

The Legend of Billie Jean holds a special place in my heart. I am proud to admit I was at the theater when this Tri-Star film opened in 85. Matthew Robbins, many will say killed Mark Hamill’s career with Corvette Summer or tried to cash in on the Cocoon craze with Batteries not Included. Many will forget the little gem that is this film. Starring Supergirl herself Helen Slater, Pump up the Volume’s Christian Slater and one of my favorite directors ever Keith Gordon. This film centers on this nobody who just one day gets to be a huge somebody.

People will compare this film to Turk 182 which came out around the same time with another rebel played by Timothy Hutton who really does not have to do that much to win over the people’s love and adulation. The film tells the story of Billy Jean Davy who looks like she was auditioning for either Square Pegs or Flashdance, who lives in a trailer in Texas. She is an innocent beautiful blonde who seems to attract the wrong kind of attention. She gets bullies to chase her and her younger brother played by Christian Slater. When the bullies cause around 600.00 dollars to damage to Binx’s motorcycle, she goes to the father of the kid who started it and demands the money. Well the father tries to get a little too fresh and Billie Jean knees him till Binx stumbles onto a gun he fires it and turning him and his sister Billie Jean into outlaws.

Interracial Sex Havoc #6: 1978

The Interracial Sex Havoc project is trying to catalog as many films as possible that contain at least one interracial sex scene. Not all films included here are pornographic, but they had to have at least one interracial sex scene in order to qualify.

This chapter is about movies released in 1978 and I wrote about golden age porn [one film by Alex deRenzy], and a Joe D’Amato sleaze-fest. So, enjoy!

Pretty Peaches (1978)

The title’s girl [Desiree Cousteau from Caged Heat (1974)] is wearing red t-shirt and matching shorts (so short that half her ass cheeks are out for everyone to see at the car service parlour she stopped for a while) on her way to her father’s wedding to a black woman [Flower]. After some gambling (it’s a proper Las Vegas ceremony after all) and some shots of alcohol, she leaves, driving her fancy jeep. But she loses control of the vehicle and crashes on a tree. She gets out of the car and falls on the ground unconscious. Two opportunists find her and rape her. When she wakes up properly, she realized that she has amnesia. Her journey to remember her name begins and the trio drives to San Francisco.

Peaches is soon introduced to a bogus doctor/friend of the rapists, who places a paper bag on her head and tries to perform oral sex to her, she refuses, but she happily proceeds to some anal play which ends up with some impressive ass squirting.

Movie Review: Curtains (1983, Blu-ray)

Directed by Richard Ciupka

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Overbearing stage and screen director Jonathan Stryker (John Vernon) seems intent on casting his longtime star and erstwhile lover Samantha Sherwood (Samantha Eggar) in his new production of “Audra.” Said hot property is about a woman who murders her lover for infidelity and is then sent to a sanitarium. Adherents to the “method,” both Stryker and Sherwood plot to have Sherwood committed to an insane asylum to add authenticity to the role. Sherwood at first adapts to the “snake pit,” but it turns out that it was all a ruse on Stryker’s part to keep her out of the way in order to ogle some fresh new starlets in a most unorthodox audition process at an isolated countryside mansion. Left languishing, Sherwood is sprung from the nuthouse by a friend (in a quickly done single-take scene) and meets Stryker and his chorus line of bimbos at the house. Slowly but surely, a killer in an old hag mask (perhaps symbolic of Eggar’s status as an aging actress?) begins to thin out the cast. A surprise ending that MAKES NO SENSE follows.

As gorgeous and as hopeless as its victims, Curtains is a mess of the first water. Filmed around 1981, then shelved, with additional scenes filmed and inserted later, Curtains was shot on a not-inconsiderable budget of $4 million and is as disjointed and nonsensical as any shot-on-video cheapie. Let us count the ways: one character plunges out a second story window and somersaults through a first floor window; a young male character is introduced in the first scenes at the mansion and then inexplicably disappears; and so on. Slasher films generally are very poorly plotted with ample plot holes but compensate with energy and clever kill scenes. Other than its classic scene of an ice skating session cut short – literally, Curtains is slow and tame even by 1981 standards! It does feature the first example of a severed head found-in-a-toilet, but is otherwise dull and lifeless.

Movie Review: The Man from Laramie (1955; Columbia/Twilight Time)

...hypothetical question time: What makes a good western, a great western?? Is it the sweeping, spansive view of the prairie, stretching out almost endlessly across the dusty frontier?? Not necessarily; one can find that in just about any well-shot oater. How about the prerequisite conflict between the dedicated lawful, and the self-serving, greedy & corrupt...invariably culminating in the ol' cliché of meeting in the middle of town, at sun-up, for the prerequisite gun-slinging showdown?? Naw...call such things, a dime-a-dozen, in the common western film tradition. The fleeting, hero versus villain, horse-galloping pursuit, with guns a-blazin'?? The free-for-all, barroom brawl, instigated by too many aces in the deck, during a 'friendly' little game?? The grizzled ol' drunken geezer, 'teched' in the head by too much sun, and too many crazed illusions of tapping into that ever-evasive gold vein?? Same old, same old, for those who are ardently devoted to the flicker of the celluloid western film fervor...

...so what exactly makes for a superior western epic, as opposed to something more generic, routine and derivative?? Depth and complexity of character, perhaps?? Motivation of said character, hiding a much more determined, albeit underlining purpose?? Both suppressed and exposed levels of strengths, weaknesses, jealousies and insecurities?? Basically, knowing what makes such characters, tick?? 1955's "The Man from Laramie"...one of Twilight Time's most recent limited edition releases, and the fifth & final western-themed collaboration between actor James Stewert, and director Anthony Mann...brilliantly balances a more psychologically inclined study of it's varied characters, amidst the backdrop and routine staples of high western drama, culminating in a somewhat unconventional and much more compelling approach to the genre, than typically rendered...

Movie Review: A Survey of an Open Space (2013)

Directed by Peat Duggins

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

In 2009, bicyclists Zach Hall and Michaela Duggins (the director’s sister) set off to span the breadth of our nation, from the Mexican border of their hometown of Austin, Texas, to the furthermost reaches of the Alaskan border. Ninety days and 4,000 miles later, both Hall and Duggins successfully completed their mission. What did they learn? Many things, chief among them the fact that America is still a place of wide open spaces and startling beauty. Touching three oceans before reaching the Arctic, the duo saw much natural wonder and desolation.

A Survey of An Open Space is as sparse and beautifully simple a documentary as one could hope for. While it would be expected that this project would have some sort of agenda, it has none other than objectively capturing the trip. It’s ironic that the film’s chief virtue works against the film’s favor: the two protagonists are just too gol-durn good natured and focused! One would think that Hall and Duggins would erupt into a big fight somewhere along the way, but it never occurs. Duggins in particular is so virtuous and pure she verges on the fringes of Pollyanna. Both bicyclists face bad weather and unfortunate situations but greet it with good ol’ fashioned American optimism. The audience is kept waiting for a big blow-up that never occurs … one wonders if any of this was edited out.

Movie Review: Born Yesterday (1950, Twilight Time)

Directed by George Cukor


Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

The classic tale! Corrupt, kind-of gangster Harry Brock (Broderick Crawford) breezes into Washington D.C. to buy a congressman – or two to facilitate his growing junkyard empire. Renting out the top floor of a luxury hotel, Brock becomes concerned that his unpolished chorus line girlfriend Billie (the incredible Judy Holliday in her Academy Award-winning performance) may not go over well with the local intelligentsia. Hiring journalist Paul Verrall (William Holden) to school her in the finer things, Billie hits the books big time. Eating from the Tree of Knowledge, Billie goes from dumb blonde to an increasingly aware, socially responsible woman. No longer blind to Brock’s corrupt dealings, Billie decides to take a stand. Confronting the bully, and hatching a scheme to keep herself immune, Billie confidently sails out of Brock’s life with Paul on her arm, in order to marry.

No doubt about it, Born Yesterday is one of the most wonderful movies ever made. Based on playwright Garson Kanin’s hit Broadway play, the celebrated movie adaptation is above all else a tale of redemption. Movie audiences in the past had long laughed at a long parade of dumb blondes and gangster molls before. Born Yesterday was among the first films to suggest that intelligence and wise decisions are available to the least aware, provided they set their minds to it. It also offers a timely message to the viewer as well: In order to defeat bullies, it’s essential to educate yourself and then follow through on what you know is right.

In this sense, Born Yesterday is a far more radical film than My Fair Lady (1964), to which it is frequently compared. In My Fair Lady, Eliza Doolittle (Audrey Hepburn) is transformed from a hardscrabble Cockney to regal lady-in-waiting under the tutelage of Dr. Henry Riggins (Rex Harrison) – but remains a common girl at heart. Not so in the case with Billie, whose slow transformation ultimately dismantles Brock’s ruthlessly constructed fiefdom of corrupt lawyer, for-sale politicians and gun thugs.

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Movie Review: Man Hunt (Blu-ray, Twilight Time)

Reviewed By: Hal Astell

I've seen a lot of Fritz Lang movies, having been stunned by M and Metropolis and so deliberately seeking out as many more as I could find. I was impressed to no small degree by films like Hangmen Also Die!, Scarlet Street and The Big Heat. I even thoroughly enjoyed 1956's Beyond a Reasonable Doubt, the most recent film of his that I've seen thus far, though the quality of his films generally decreased as time went on, other films from the fifties like The Blue Gardenia, Moonfleet and While the City Sleeps leaving me surprisingly disappointed. The problem is that while some of his films are perennials on TV, my supply of Fritz Lang movies dried up at sixteen and I've only managed to see one more since 2007: Human Desire, again not one of his best, especially now I've seen the far superior original French movie that it remade. This one thankfully is much better.

Shortly before the war, as close as late July 1939, a British hunter called Alan Thorndike is holidaying in Bavaria and there is gifted with the biggest game of them all: Adolf Hitler, right there in the sights of his Hammond & Hammond. He even shoots him dead from 550 yards, or at least would have done had he a bullet in his rifle. When he loads that bullet, he's still only doing it to play the game, because it's the thrill of the chase that drives him. If he can get close enough to a game that doesn't want him to get close enough, then he knows he can kill and so actually doing so isn't necessary. Given what we know from history it won't surprise you too much to find that Hitler lives and we'll never know if Thorndike could have made the shot or not because he's interrupted by a patrolling German soldier, this being one of the most guarded buildings in the world, after all, and he's promptly delivered into the care of George Sanders.

The Billy Bagg Double Feature (The Violation of Claudia/Hot Honey) DVD

Label: Distribpix Inc / Sweetheart Theaters

Prebook: September 9, 2014 Streets: October 7, 2014 SRP: $19.99

UPC: 828320020016 Cat: 2001 Run Time: 134 Minutes Language: English

Color Widescreen 1.85:1 Dual Mono All Regions

Production year: 1977 / 1978

Genre: Adult Erotica / Drama Not Rated

Director: Bill Lustig

Stars: Jamie Gillis, Sharon Mitchell, Serena, Heather Young, Long Jeane Silvers

Before he became one of the most famous and important horror filmmakers of the 1980s, Bill Lustig(Manic Cop, Vigilante) directed these two X rated oddities. Both films have been newly restored in 2K from their original negatives and each audio commentary with Bill Lustig is moderated by Danish film director, Nicolas Winding Refn(Drive, Only God Forgives, Valhalla Rising, Bronson).

TV on Blu-ray: The Walking Dead - Season Four (2013/2014, Blu-ray)

The Walking Dead is undeniably one of the most popular shows on all of television -- for good reason, of course. When Robert Kirkman unleashed The Walking Dead on the comic book world a few years back, possibly the last thing on his mind had to be that it would be one of the most popular shows (on American Movie Classics of all places). Well, it is even with some imperfections, this thrilling story of a group of survivors battling a zombie apocalypse has easily amassed a loyal fan-base and continued on to where it is now going into its 5th season of production.

After releasing the three previous seasons on Blu-ray and DVD Anchor Bay and AMC has now gone forth with season four with this packed, 16 episode, supplement filled Blu-ray set that should put zombie fans in a frenzy for what could very well be the best season of The Walking Dead to date.

Following a brutal showdown at the prison with the Governor (David Morrisey), Rick, Herschel and the crew lick their wounds and call it a minor victory over the now beaten down aggressor. The Governor retreats with what’s left of his gang of goons vowing revenge but it aint that easy because soon this once super intimidating villain becomes a weak, bearded hobo roaming the streets for shelter. He does find his way to a family who just sees a new kinder gentler Governor.

Movie Review: All the King’s Men (1949, Twilight Time)

Directed by Robert Rossen

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Earnest reporter and spoiled rich kid Jack Burden (John Ireland) asks later in this feature, “Doesn’t good come out of evil?” The occasion is marked by Governor Willie Stark’s (Broderick Crawford) nakedly aggressive attempts to quash his rivals during a time of extreme crisis. All the King’s Men, the Best Film of its year as dictated by the Academy Awards, offers a succinct introduction to the United States political system.

When we first meet Stark, he’s a poor but honest rube who wants to make life better for his fellow sustenance farmers. He’s not afraid to tear down idols in high places, and accuses his government of taking bribes in order to build the new school house. Running for office, he’s defeated – until a terrible tragedy at the school house brought on by faulty construction propels him back into the spotlight. He’s recruited by the local corrupt government in order to draw “the hick vote.” Ruthless political flack Sadie Burke (Mercedes McCambridge) pours liquor down the usually teetotaler Stark and is duly impressed the next day when he’s able to deliver a rousing speech on the plight of the working man. No turning back, Stark rises to the echelons of big government in his state, building roads and schools – but resorting to dishonest methods in order to do so. Do the ends justify the means?

Movie Review: Grindhouse Trailer Classics Vol. 1 (Intervision / Nucleus Films)

A few years back the U.K genre specialists at Nucleus Films produced their first of four volumes (up to now) of cult film trailer compilations entitled Grindhouse Trailer Classics. At the time it wasn't available for anyone outside of England unless you had an all-region DVD player...that is, until now. Severin Films’ sleazy little brother, Intervision have now locked their teeth into the region one debut of this collection with their new release making it even more available to the masses. If you have yet to see it, it’s a deliciously diabolical compilation of trash that shows some major love for the lost art of the trailer and grindhouse theaters of yesteryear.

This particular collection is pretty exhaustive as there are well over 2 hours of trailers with the different genres often associated with the grindhouse -- horror, sexploitation, kung fu, Blaxploitation, Nazisploitation and so on. Here's a list of most of what you’re going to catch on this first volume:

Movie Review: Save Your Legs! (2012, Twilight Time)

Directed by Boyd Hicklin

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Lovable loser Edward “Teddy” Brown (Stephen Curry) lives for his local neighborhood cricket club and his two best friends, Rick (Brendan Cowell) and Stavros (Damon Gameau). Teddy’s world is shaken when the substance-abusing, drunken Rick announces his impending marriage to a girl he recently knocked up. In lieu of thinking there may be more to life than getting pissed on the weekend with his fellow Aussie mates, Teddy leads his “D-string” team to a tour of India. Setting up a three match tour, coupled with the chance to meet cricketing legend Sachin Tendulkar, the usual “fish-out-of-water” shenanigans take place. Rick remains a surly, drunken piece of work, Teddy samples some of the local Indian cuisine and spends the majority of finding serviceable areas in which to defecate. Unaccustomed to the chaotic civilization of modern-day India, there is lots and lots of gags surrounding cultural differences. Local lovely Anjali (Pallavi Sharda) is thrown into the mix, and gives the boy something to ogle to perhaps draw away attention from Teddy’s, uh, somewhat inappropriate fixation on Rick. The clueless Australians stumble and fall adorably, and they take up a challenge from an arrogant Bollywood star to take on his cricket team. Everything turns out alright at the end … was there any question it wouldn’t?

Visiting Hollywood’s Amoeba Records DVD section, this reviewer saw a shelf full of discs with the title, “Sports Team is led by a Caring Individual to Victory.” Save Your Legs! Is one of those, and is exceptionally plain and unremarkable in spite of the many exotic locales and unique situations. The cricket team is a bunch of middle-aged losers who spend their weekends drunk and “attempting” to play the game (it doesn’t matter if the viewer doesn’t understand cricket as it doesn’t appear that any of the characters do). Well into their thirties, they cling to youthful hopes and ambitions, but must accept the fact that “the train has left the station” at this point. The guys get into scuffles, patch up their differences, and find plenty of time to look with startled expressions at the culture of India. Save Your Legs! Is painfully predictable, and is intended solely to provide diversion on a weekend night. The closest thing it makes to a statement on the team’s “Peter Pan” syndrome is when Teddy confronts the boozing Rick on what type of father he’ll make for his forthcoming child.