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June 10, 2011

Movie Review: Tortured (2011)

Oh boy. I don't know what to tell you about this one. I can start by saying they stole the poster artwork from I Spit on Your Grave, and I can also tell you that they stole over an hour of my time. At times like this, I'm thankful for Facebook, because I spent most of the running time of Tortured chatting with my sister instead of following the lack of a story.

Buy Tortured on DVD

It's appropriate that Brain Damage Films released this mess, because I think I dropped a few IQ points on it. Nothing here really made sense. These two hitmen ramble at each other, and then they get killed by a naked zombie woman. Then we flash back one day to find out that she's a promiscuous slut. She's naked for most of the remainder of the movie. That would be fine and all, but she's not great looking, and there's a shower seen that reveals some uh, I guess you can call it uh, well, it's like when you're making a sandwich really fast, and you don't make it look pretty, and there's one slab of lunchmeat hanging out of the bread. Got it? Good.

The rest is her getting raped by these hitmen, which is akin to the movie whose poster they ripped off, but there's no revenge. I guess that's only true if you don't count the zombie scene, but that scene doesn't even make sense. There is no explanation of how that happens to her. I don't get why they did that. Either way, when it was over, I needed a rape shower.

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