Movie Review: Space Boobs in Space (2017)

I actually volunteered to review this. I just don’t know who I am anymore...

Space Boobs in Space begins with a blonde, busty, plastic-bustier wearing crew person, I guess, reviewing a missive from...wherever. The message is pretty clear: don’t watch the file we’ve included on this disc.

THEN WHY INCLUDE IT???

Anyway, she watches it. It’s basically a copy of an alien talk show, Space Talk, hosted by the green skinned Zee Zee Poof. This particular episode is all about the film, Space Boobs in Space, a collaboration between her species and Earthlings. But not just that! Included are a handful of short films, again made with the Earthlings, as well as interviews with cast and crew.

SBiS tells us the alien race is desperate for human breast milk because their own green titty drink makes them live longer with less fine lines and wrinkles. They’ve had to curb their sexual reproduction, for crying out loud! They lure Earthlings to their planet where they reap the benefits of Earth’s dirty pillows and in exchange, Earth gets the Irilidian green boobie juice and all its health benefits.

The short films in between the talk show’s interviews include: "Operate" (a woman hires a hooker to play the game, Operation, against her hoo-ha), "A Killer Deal" (real estate agent trying to sell some land to Jason Voorhees), "Horror Hands" (woman gets a call from a killer in her house then her hands create dramatic music with everything she touches), "Cheesecake" (woman eating cheesecake seductively in a bathtub shot exploitation style), "Horror of Sandy Creek" (guy filming a documentary about a mud monster), "Ghosted" (dead woman helps living woman NOT become a victim), and finally "Lapdance at the Gates of Hell" (stripper gives vampire a lapdance).

Then we return to the opening mammary madame, she finishes watching the file, grabs some kind of laser rifle, and walks off screen.

I, uh...yeah.

Oh, wait. Can't forget the final wrap up with Grand Dame Muff Tit (Ming Vase Dynasty) with 10 minutes of absolutely annoying, useless, rage-inducing filler of bullshit just so she can have more screen time (that's my guess anyway because there's nothing funny or entertaining about it at all).

The entire premise is completely ridiculous, silly, asinine, campy, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, and boobilicious. But there’s no nudity. If you’re looking for full-frontal, simulated sex, or anything above PG-13, you won’t find it here. I couldn’t find a lot of info on the cast of SBiS but I’m 98% sure they’re all Burlesque performers. It’s all about the tease and the titillation, not the reveal.

Starring actresses like Dee Flowered (also one of the writers), Pandora Disaster, Tittiana Sprinkles, and Cocquette De Jour, you just KNOW this is gonna be fun. Mostly, anyway.

While the acting is horrendous, especially from Ming Vase Dynasty (the lone drag queen as far as I could tell), the stories were mostly enjoyable. My favorite had to be "A Killer Deal". Best acting and probably the funniest premise of all the shorts. "Ghosted" was a little predictable and "Horror Hands" just made me shake my head. The rest were pretty good.

The overall film’s pace was decent but it did start to slow down around the Mud Monster vignette. I found myself getting a bit bored as the same style played out over and over in each section (short, major film, talk show). I mean it’s nice to have ice cream every night but what would be even better is to throw in a brownie or maybe some pie (heh) every now and again.

Overall, this was kind of fun to watch. The jokes were silly, the ideas playful, and the titties WERE glorious. 

2.5 hatchets (out of 5)

(Sorry - can't find a trailer anywhere for this. It's basically just on Amazon Prime.)

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Movie Review: The Big Tits Zombie (2010)

Directed by Takao Nakano

Starring Sora Aoi, Mari Sakurai and Risa Sakurai

In the mood for some low-budget, D-movie Asian schlock? Well, step right up my friend. As long as your expectations don't run too high you may get a kick out of the Big Tit Zombies.

Buy The Big Tits Zombie on DVD

The story surrounds a group of strippers who look as if they spend their time locked in a dressing room and only allowed out when its time to go on stage. During a cat-fight in their room they inadvertently knock over some box's and discover a hidden door which leads them to a basement where they find some type of necronomicon book. Which of coarse one of the girls reads from and releases a horde of zombies which always seem to appear from nowhere. One of the girls learns how to control the zombies from reading passages from the book and decides to become a villain, a couple of the girls are killed and we are left with the last 2 strippers who become zombie slayers. Pretty standard stuff as far as non-existent plots go.

Movie Review: Tinto Brass: Maestro of Erotic Cinema (5-Disc Set, Blu-ray / DVD)

As an avid admirer of the wonders of the female form I've always thought that in many ways Russ Meyer is to curvaceous mammaries what Tinto Brass is to luscious derrieres. If you've seen a Tinto Brass film, you'll notice the man truly loves a lady's bottom and how it is presented artistically on film. Framing a pair of butt-cheeks is paramount in the presentation of Tinto's many beautiful subjects he puts in one of his films. Tinto has an amazing eye for the suppleness of a round derrière as well as those other womanly features such as large breasts, much like Russ' ability and has a knack for catching that appropriate jiggle. "Real" woman are highlighted so don't expect scrawny girls, mosquito bite breasts or shaved privates - get ready for some real curvaceous subjects on the opposite side of his camera lens. 

There is a new set entitled Tinto Brass: Maestro of Erotic Cinema from Cult Epics that highlights some of Tinto's finer more recent films - Monamour, the Blu-ray premiere of Black Angel, and also two other decedent slices of Italian naughtiness Private and Cheeky. Could this be an essential addition to the collections of European erotica enthusiasts? Let's have a look!

Movie Review: Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers & Evil Toons

As a lifelong cult film enthusiast when I think of the name Fred Olen Ray I think of an immense body of work that has been almost solely devoted to the making as many wild B-movies as possible over the past three decades. This guy just doesn’t rest. With movies like Beverly Hills Vamp, Bad Girls Go to Mars and Attack if the 60 Foot Centerfolds you know he has a sense of humor to go along with a love for 50’s and 60’s schlock. Ray’s company Retromedia in conjunction with Bayview have just given two of Ray’s classics from the 80’s, both starring the infinitely hot Michelle Bauer (Nightmare Sisters, Night of the Living Babes) in TITular roles, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and Evil Toons. After being out of print for the past few years these titles can be had by anyone into cheesy jokes, boobs and horror.

When a chainsaw worshipping cult led by none other than” Leatherface” himself, Gunnar Hansen (who’s known simply here as the “Stranger”) starts making itself known by trolling the bars of the inner-city, johns start winding up dead following some illicit activity with ladies of the night. Mercedes (Bauer) does the brunt of the slaughtering for the crew by just being her alluring, sexy self and these horny dumdums naturally go ga ga for a chance to get off by the busty babe. Scream queen legend Linnea Quigley plays our oft naked protagonist who is essentially the key to taking down these chainsaw juggling freaks.

Movie Review: Death Spa (Blu-ray,1987)

Anyone hitting the video stores regularly in the 80’s and early 90’s should be familiar with the horror movie sub-label of MPI video called Gorgon Video. The days of VHS are long-gone for the most part and so it seemed for Gorgon…until now! Whenever the Gorgon banner adorned the giant clamshell of titles like the Faces of Death series and Mario Bava’s splattery giallo, you knew what you were in for – something very bloody and often shocking. The label’s comeback starts this summer with the release of Michael Fischa’s Death Spa (aka Witch Bitch)  on DVD and Blu-ray. As a longtime horror fan and someone who watched the grisly trailer over and over when it popped up on the VHS release of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer until I finally saw it on a shitty quality DVD from the UK, I couldn’t be happier.

When Catherine (Shari Shattuck) decides to kill herself after the sudden loss of her child her soul doesn’t quite rest – it becomes a jealous vengeful spirit. She doesn’t haunt a house, or a church or some hotel, she haunts a high-tech workout facility run by computers that’s owned by her handsome husband Michael (William Bumiller). Michael is a ladies’ man and Catherine’s none too keen on him having anyone but her. If it means blowing up heads or tearing gym patrons apart via the workout machines, she'll make it happen!

You'll Sweat Blood! "Death Spa" Splatters Blu-ray and DVD This Summer from Dark Sky!

NEWS ON THE OFFICIAL RELAUNCH OF THE GORGON BRAND WILL BE ANNOUNCED EARLY SUMMER 2014!

Movie Review: Funeral Home Horror (2013)

I’m a little nervous about reviewing the movie of someone I know. Technically, I don’t think we’ve ever met but he is a member of the same writer’s group I’m in so there’s still that connection, even if it’s ethereal. I’m especially nervous because I did not enjoy the movie this chap made and though I told him that, I didn’t clarify that if/when I review it, I’d most likely shred it. It’s not the camp that bothers me, virtual friend. Camp is what makes low-budget independent films fun. It was ...everything else.

Funeral Home Horror is a short 40-minute (thank the gods) film hosted by some Crypt Keeper wanna be in a wheelchair with a cheap Halloween store mask. He tells us the tale of the Krummer funeral home. It begins 3 years earlier where the owner/operator is such a cheap fucking bastard that instead of burying the loved ones of people who pay him to do just that, he sells the parts of the deceased for cash. Or he’ll say he’ll take care of the burial but ends up dumping the corpses in the lake because it’s too expensive to do otherwise. Unfortunately one of the bodies he plans to dump is a Wight, or ghoul, and it attacks him before he can dispose of it.

Movie Review: The Doll Squad

Reviewed by:

Hal Astell











Tura Satana got to be ahead of the curve a couple of times in her career. Our Man Flint dealt with man-made global warming in 1966. Here, Ted V Mikels starts The Doll Squad with the Challenger shuttle explosion in 1973. Well, it's really the launch of a rocket called Star-Flight XII but it does seem rather prophetic, especially as it lifts off from Cape Kennedy. The difference here is that the disintegration is deliberate, as a mysterious voice tells Senator Stockwell, head of the Defense Committee, right after launch but before the explosion. Fortunately, he has an IBM System 360 just down the corridor, with punch-cards and colored buttons and the ability to decide from next to no information which department should attack a particular problem. This time, the teleprinter suggests the Doll Squad as the most capable to investigate, under the leadership of SO-1 Sabrina Kincaid. This is Our Man Flint all over again, but with chicks kicking ass.

As you can imagine, the Doll Squad is a squad of dolls. In case, you don't grasp the concept from the name or the action that unfolds in lurid negative colors behind the credits, the tagline should do the trick. 'They're beautiful!' it reads. 'They're dangerous! They're deadly!' Really, that in itself is enough to warrant a viewing of The Doll Squad, but it proves to be pretty capable too. Sure, it's obviously not shot with a huge budget, the quarter of a million dollars Mikels claims to have spent on it certainly not all going on the production itself. It looks a lot better than The Corpse Grinders, made a year earlier, and it goes back to what Mikels did best, showcasing strong women. There's a lot more consistency than in The Astro-Zombies: all the characters, whether male or female, seem capable and decisive, the light feels appropriate and the changes of scenery are believable. The soundtrack is dated but appropriate. It all feels like an Andy Sidaris film without boobs.

Movie Review: Cleavagefield (2009)

I knew better. I knew better. I knew better. I knew that watching a movie called Cleavagefield would be a bad idea. I knew it would suck. I knew that there would be a lot of nudity and that, my dear friends, was the only reason I stuck around. Earlier in my film career I was dealt a horrific blow. Being young, broke and semi-retarded, I flew to the beautiful shores of California to be in a good friend of mine’s feature film. We were shooting a monster movie and, in my naivety, I thought this would be the greatest film ever made. It was not, in retrospect, but we did have fun and I made friends that have lasted in upwards of a decade. Nevertheless, during the production of this epic I learned a hard lesson. I had thought, due to my participation in boobie-filled masterpieces like Shower of Blood, that nudity of any kind was not only good, but necessary. I discovered, much to my own chagrin and completely by surprise, that there is such a thing as bad nudity. I know the twenty-somethings out there just sucked in a shocked breath and the sixty-somethings, bereft of mammaries of any kind for a long time, just shook their heads in shame. You thirties through the fifties, though, you know. The pair of ‘breasts’ that graced that film were not only horrible, but resembled two fly strips stapled to Alice Cooper’s chest. The title of the film will, of course, remain nameless, but the mental scars remain. These scars were re-opened by Cleavagefield and, not content to make me go fetal and sob like Jeff at a Chinese buffet, the bastards shot salty fluids into the wounds. Aargh.

Movie Review: Sleazy 70s Stags

Review by Jeff

Since my younger days as a miniature perve, one of my absolute favorite things to witness in a film (be it, XXX, X, R or PG) was God’s greatest invention, the bare breast. I thought it would be most helpful to start out this review of After Hours Cinema’s exhaustive titty loop compilation, Sleazy 70s Stags, with a proper definition of our jiggly pals: Breast - “The breast refers to the front of the chest or, more specifically, to the mammary gland. The mammary gland is a milk producing gland. It is composed largely of fat. Within the mammary gland is a complex network of branching ducts. These ducts exit from sac-like structures called lobules, which can produce milk in females. The ducts exit the breast at the nipple.” Ok, the “milk talk” is a little bit of a turn-off, so why don’t I just give you guys my definition of the breast: Boner-inducing mounds of loveliness.

Movie Review: Elvira's Haunted Hills (2002)

Reviewed by Kenny Barnwell

Directed by Sam Irvin

Starring~ Casandra Peterson, Richard O'Brien, Mary Scheer

Plot ~ Elvira and her maid are traveling to Paris for a show. Unfortunately, along the way they get sidetracked in a creepy castle with mysterious characters, strange goingson and an old family curse to be unraveled. Nothing fancy or complicated about it, its a parody on the same theme as the 10,000 other haunted castle movies that came before it, but this one has the one thing the others don't, the legendary dick-tease Elvira and her iconic cleavage, which is served up to us buffet-style for the entirety of the film.

 Buy Elvira's Haunted Hills on DVD

Movie Review: Whore Hospital (1997, Pink Eiga VOD)

Directed by Chise Matoba

Starring Rei Asakura, Myuu Aso and Kanichi Hiraga

Run Time: 61 minutes

Gather round kids, Pink Eiga is going Video-on-Demand and one of the their first releases is this little gem with one of the catchiest titles ever.....Whore Hospital. Where Chise Matoba, ( director of such pink classics as Maid in Japan and Orgasm Counselor), gives you a behind the scenes look at, well....lets just call it, “non-traditional” medical treatments. If your in Japan and feeling ill, this is the place to go because all of the nurses just happen to be nymphomaniacs. Got a broken leg? That's nothing a little screwing cant fix. Pneumonia? A prescription of blowjobs should do the trick.

Movie Review: Black Devil Doll (2007)

It seems that two of the biggest things in the horror genre that folks have the fears of are clowns and killer dolls. My favorite killer doll flick is easily Richard Attenborough's Magic which had Fats The Dummy -  a creepy motherfucker without a doubt. The creators of the 2007 killer doll/blaxploitation Black Devil Doll flick are obvious fans of this sub-genre - except these filmmakers play it for laughs and gross-outs to a level even jaded viewers will shake their head at.

Jonathan Lewis and Shawn Lewis (Blackest Heart Media, Rotten Cotten) direct and write this homage to the exceptionally bad killer doll film, Black Devil Doll from Hell. Here the doll is cursed by a recently executed convict who uses this new vessel, a wooden ventriloquist doll, as his way to suck souls out of a group of very naked bodacious babes.

Movie Review: Piranha DD (2012, Dimension Films)

Directed by John Gulager

Starring Danielle Panabaker, David Hasselhoff and Matt Bush

Run Time: 82 min.

With the success of the 2010 Piranha re-make, you knew it had to happen, and it did. Piranha DD is upon us. This time the feisty and ferocious little critters are reproducing in a Small Arizona lake which sits directly behind a newly redesigned, state-of-the-art adult water park. With the help of a crooked cop (who appears to be about 16 years old), the shady park owner Chet (played by the awesome David Koechner), decides to save a few bucks by pumping the lakes water supply directly into the park. Which of coarse is a very bad idea, as the hungry fishies quickly make their way into the tranquil kiddie-pools, river rides and water slides.....with very gory results. Helping to bolster the story and add comic relief are cameos by Christopher Lloyd, Clu Gulager, Ving Rhames and Gary Busey.

Movie Review: Screwballs (Blu-ray, 1983)

During the mid-eighties, the nine year-old me occasionally had had access to the to the late-night cable that frequently showed fare that was not quite for the eyes and ears of my corruptable being. After seeing Porky’s (thanks to my older brother renting it) all I wanted was to see was more films like it – filled with boobs, bad jokes and even more boobs. Although it was the pre-chili peeling years, I still had an early admiration for the female form.  

The High School and college T&A flick seemed to pop up around the same time Joe D’Amato’s Emmanuelle entries where broadcasted on cable which made myself a happy youngster. In the wee hours one Friday night I saw Rafael Zielinski Screwballs, a film that would stick with me for years and now, amazingly, it is available on Blu-ray by the folks at Severin Films. Who woulda thunk it?

Movie Review: Chesty Morgan's Bosom Buddies (Blu-ray)

Something Weird Video has made a huge contribution to the cult film world with their endlessly wide variety of oddities. For more than 20 years they’ve put forth releases on VHS and now recently on the Blu-ray format. A few of the most popular SWV titles to see a release have been Doris Wishman’s amazingly ridiculous Chesty Morgan films, Deadly Weapons and its sequel Double Agent 73. These titles and the rarely seen, The Immoral Three, now grace the Blu-ray format in all their busty glory.

Doris Wishman’s discovery of the Polish born actress/stripper Chesty Morgan may be one of the single greatest contributions to the exploitation genre. Morgan commands your attention with her massive, swinging, almost pendulous skin-sacks. In Deadly Weapons we have Chesty (under the name Zsa Zsa) exacting revenge a group of mobsters that murdered her man. She disposes of each creep by suffocating them with her gargantuan mounds. One of the slime- balls is played by none other than porn king, Harry Reems (Deep Throat, Forced Entry).

Try Motorboating These Mams! Chesty's Coming to Blu-ray!

On July 3^rd, Image Entertainment and Something Weird Video bring back the bustiest Bond spoof of all time with Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies. Featuring the most excessively endowed girl spy to ever grace the BIG screen, Chesty Morgan (billed here simply as "Zsa Zsa"), was a burlesque queen who became a grindhouse legend in this series of ridiculous sexploitation classics. Now get three (two staring Ms. Morgan) of the most bawdy and bodacious cinematic adventures for the first time ever on one Blu-ray! This collection will have an SRP of $24.98. Pre-book is June 5.

Deadly Weapons: In the first feature Chesty Morgan takes out the mob with her two weapons that are never wavering and always exposed – her 73inch breasts!

Double Agent 73: Chesty then returns as a double agent who busts up a drug ring with the aid of a camera implanted in one of her breasts. But to make matters more difficult, the camera is also a time bomb making her... well, booby trapped!

The Immoral Three: This third mind-boggling epic from cult director Doris Wishman follows the three daughters of a spy mom who must avenge her death in order to collect a three-million-dollar inheritance!

Special Features:

·         Doris Wishman Trailer Show

·         Gallery of Doris Wishman Exploitation Art

Chesty Morgan’s Bosom Buddies (Blu-ray™)

Genre:             Action/Adventure, Comedy, Cult Movies, Something Weird, 70’s, Crime/Criminals, Sexploitation, Spies/Espionage, Triple Feature

Rating:            Unrated

Languages:      English 

Format:            TBD

Audio:             DTS HD Master Audio Stereo

Year:               1975

SRP:                $24.98

Street Date:     July 3, 2012

Pre-Book:        June 5, 2012

Length:            221 Min.

UPC:               014381797855

Cat#:               ID7978SWBD

Movie Review: The Big Bird Cage (1972)

Directed by Jack Hill
Starring Pam Grier, Anitra Ford and Sid Haig

The Big Bird Cage was the third “Women in Prison” movie produced by B-movie king Roger Corman in a short two year span during the early 70's, along with The Big Doll House and Women in Cages. Sensing the genre was becoming a bit predictable, Corman hired director Jack Hill to inject a fresh approach to this one, and by adding a heavy dose of humor and parody what he came up with is perhaps one of the best exploitation films of its time.

Buy The Big Bird Cage on DVD

Movie Review: Erotic Escape (1985, One 7 Movies)

Reviewed By Travis G.

Wow, when I saw this DVD cover I was like "Hot Damn". ONE 7 Movies a new DVD company which is always a good thing especially these days. And even more so when they are releasing some fun and different titles.  It has a nice bold cover  (Censored though but I guess it’s easier to get it in stores and such) then on the back of the DVD cover it reads..“Erotic Escape is a long lost guilty pleasure available for the first time in DVD. Directed by Nello Rossati of the Sensuous Nurse fame, the film features lots of nudity and over the top violence. Drenched with in mud with nothing to cover her breathtaking body, Eleonora Vallone runs for her life and gets laid to to kill!” HOT DAMN!!! I’m ready to get my perv on….

Buy Erotic Escape on DVD

Movie Review: Violence and Flesh

Violence and Flesh (1981)


Buy Violence and Flesh on DVD on Amazon.com

Pornochanchada, anyone ever heard of it? And no, it is not a new foreign dance move a la the "macarena". Still don't know? Well dear reader, Pornochanchada was a film genre in Brazil between 1976-1984. Erotic films were made in Brazil during a time of political dictatorship that gave filmmakers complete freedom and void of any censorship as long as political issues were not mentioned. Hundreds of these erotic features were made with support from the government and became big box office successes, how bizarre is that! Pornochanchada films are filled to the brim with excessive nudity and way over the top sexuality. Pornochanchada attracted mainstream Brazilian actresses and directors, certainly a factor in the films success. Imagine seeing a Pornochanchada film today directed by Steven Spielberg with a nude Scarlet Johansson performing sleazy acts throughout the duration of the film. That would never happen but you can see why the movies were box office gold. All good things come to an end, such was the fate for the Pornochanchada genre. VHS blasted onto the market in the mid 80's, thus making hardcore pornography readily available. With that boom and the end of the Brazilian dictatorship, Pornochanchada films heavily decreased in popularity. The genre died, but thanks to Synapse/Impulse Pictures they're back!