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Showing posts with label demon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label demon. Show all posts

December 13, 2021

Achoura (2018) Movie Review


Most of you here know that modern horror isn’t exactly my bag. More often than not, today’s indie horror movies suck major donkey dick. So it’s kinda nice to be pleasantly surprised from time to time with a decent horror film made after 1985.

Ladies and gents, I give you Achoura.

SPOILERS: I will do my best to make this a spoiler-free review, but as I’m drinking coffee with Baileys right now, I guarantee nothing.

Achoura is actually the name of a Moroccan religious celebration, also known as Child’s Night. Kids get to run around, play, splash water on each other, dance, gather around a bonfire, and have a night to revel in pure innocence and joy. The movie begins with such a celebration that happened “a long time ago.” A young girl and boy, obviously quite infatuated with each other, run off to the corn field to have a deep conversation. Bashira (who is A CHILD, I will remind you) is married to a man who’s probably older than me. The boy (I don’t think his name ever comes up), promises to take care of her if they run away together. She gives him a flute she made for him, saying he should blow that every time he thinks of her.

Daaawww. Honestly, they’re adorable together.

But before they can make plans to run away, the ball and chain comes looking for the pair. The young kids hide in an abandoned house in the middle of the cornfield. While hiding, the husband, acting like the gross pedophile he is, is shuffling through the house, threatening to beat Bashira when he finds her. Her boy crush bursts forth to fight the old man but gets the man’s belt around his throat for his trouble.

Luckily, Bashira jumps out and hits her husband over the head with a two-by-four. Saving her crush, they smile until…a dark, smoky mass on the ceiling forms, reaches down, and takes Bashira!

And that is the opening of the film, before the credits even begin to roll!

Flash forward to present day. Ali and Nadia are a married couple with issues. Ali is a police officer who works too much and blames himself for not finding a serial kidnapper; Nadia is a teacher exhausted by her husband’s lack of presence; their son, Youssef, is caught in the middle. Their friend, Stephan, invites them to his art exhibit where his work depicts some quite terrifying imagery. Stephan has remembered something from their past and it’s time for them to remember, too.

Kid, you are on my LAST nerve.

And everything comes rushing back to their collective memories once Samir, Ali’s brother who disappeared twenty years earlier, shows up. The film bounces back and forth between this present day and to the horrible afternoon twenty years earlier when Samir vanished and the group encountered the monster that took him, a monster that feeds on the innocence of children. Now, they must work together to figure out where the creature is, how they can trap it, and how to destroy it.

 

Okay, that’s all the detail I’ll give. I probably gave away too much about the opening scene anyway.

First let me say that this is the first horror movie I’ve watched/reviewed that’s based on Moroccan folklore. The opening scene is spoken in Arabic (I’m not sure which style of Arabic it is, or if it’s Amazigh, aka Berber) and the present day and twenty-year flash back scenes are spoken in French. So there’s just culture flying all over the place here. I also appreciate that the writers created the character of Bashira’s husband. My guess is child marriages were common at the time (even though we don’t have an exact timeframe, based on character development we can infer around 70 years ago), and child marriages do still happen today. Not sure if writer included this as a protesting statement or trying to imply it only happened ages ago.

*shrug* It’s just a cultural difference that many of us, I hope, have little to no experience with.

The whole opening scene built great tension. First we’re scared for Bashira as she and her friend talk about her husband; then the husband looking for them through the house and attacking the boy; and finally the black creature that snatches up Bashira.

The cinematography is great, but I love films that take place in locations I’ve never been. We get to see a country’s landscape – natural and man-made – and how the day/night affects the story within each setting. The original musical score blends well with each scene and never pulls the viewer out of the action.

The acting is fantastic. The two reunion scenes, between Ali and Samir and Stephan and Samir, moved me to tears. Omar Lotfi as Samir does an excellent job portraying a man who’s been captive since a boy and can’t quite pull off being a normal adult. Younes Bouab as Ali is a little one-dimensional, but then I think Ali doesn’t have much depth in general. He’s a typical gruff police detective with anger issues. And that’s okay! Even the child actors playing the four friends in the flashback carried their scenes well.

Do NOT make me use my mom voice.

The pacing starts to drag about halfway through, but most films do to be honest. Once we get to the final third of the film, the action picks back up. I will say, though, the final scenes leading to the climax of the film are VERY reminiscent of the book and movie, “IT”. The whole idea of long-ago friends having to get back together and go down underground to face the monster they encountered long ago…yeah. Just instead of a cosmic spider monstrosity, picture a pale-faced, 10-foot-tall black-eyed demon. Cool? Cool.

The little bits of CGI in the film aren’t great. They aren’t the worst I’ve ever seen but they did knock me off my suspension of disbelief bridge. Though I have to say it wasn’t difficult to climb back on and continue., especially since the demon itself is tits.

One of the best elements of this movie, though, is the story. Not just the Moroccan folklore, but the idea that evil can never be stopped; it can only be contained. As we watch the main characters battling this terrible demon, in the end, there’s nothing they can do but make the most heartbreaking decision possible to save the rest of the world.

Ow. My heart.

So, if you’re not opposed to reading subtitles (not sure if there’s an English dubbed version out there), I highly suggest taking a bite out of this little slice of Moroccan horror. You won’t regret it.

Four hatchets (out of 5)





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May 6, 2021

Don't Panic (1988) Movie Review


I did not specifically seek out another bonkers kind of film. And while last week’s review centered on a movie that did crazy VERY well, this week’s choice is…uh…just read on to see what I’m talking about.

Don’t Panic is the story of Michael. He and his mom had to move from the US to Mexico City for his dad’s work. Sure, things are pretty different there but he’s doing well in school, has a crush in the works, and has a nice circle of friends. Mom’s struggling a little. Since dad is away all the time for work, the bottle seems to be her only comfort.

For Michael’s 17th birthday, his friends surprise him with a Ouija board and wouldn’t it be so much fun to play with it? Spoiler Alert: the answer is NO. Despite some promise to never play with one again, he folds to peer pressure. His best bud, Tony, summons Virgil. He tells everyone it’s just a ghost but Michael knows better – it’s the Devil!

Naturally, nothing happens while they’re playing with the board. But as soon as everyone leaves, without closing the supernatural door they just opened (do you want demons? BECAUSE THAT’S HOW YOU GET DEMONS), weird shit starts to happen.

The next day, Michael is late for school and in Mexico City, you can’t attend classes if you’re tardy. Too bad, so sad. Turns out, his crush, Alexandra, was also late so they spend a wonderful 1980’s montage day of feeding the ducks, going on a paddle boat, getting balloons, going to an amusement park, and everything two young people in love like to do.

Of course, Michael needs to consult with his best bro, Tony, to figure out how to tell Alex how much he likes her. Tony says the only thing he can do is give her the Magic Rose  As long as love exists between the two of them, the bloom will never wither. Daawww, that’s actually some sweet advice coming from such a fucktard.

Just as things seems to be going swell, Michael starts having nightmares. But they aren’t just simple nightmares. They’re visions, and they eventually transfer to the waking world. He’s seeing his friends being murdered, stabbed to death with some kind of ceremonial dagger. And to top it off, he sees his best gal getting a little too chummy with the school douchebag, John. But she assures him that John is just a smart ass, that’s why he acts that way. She loves only Michael.

Hooray for love!

I'm looking for the plot. Has anyone seen it?

Anyhoo…back to the movie. Not only is Michael having visions about his friends, some kind of weird face keeps pushing out of the static on the TV to say Michael can prevent the tragedies. Despite all his efforts, though, Michael can’t seem to stop any of the murders. It doesn’t help that his mom won’t listen to anything he says and is convinced he’s nuts, and gets the local psychiatrist to pump him full of drugs.

(SPOILERS AHOY) Michael finally finds out that the face in the TV is Tony! Virgil has possessed his body and is killing everyone. All Michael has to do is find that damned dagger and kill Virgil. With a little help from Douchebag John and Alexandra, and the one person in Mexico City that believes Michael is not crazy (a cop, of all people), Virgil is finally defeated and Tony is set free. Unfortunately, Michael dies from the strain of battle. Apparently being suspended in the air by telekinesis takes all the stuffing out of a healthy 17-year-old.

BUT FEAR NOT! At his graveside funeral, Alexandra throws a now wilted rose onto Michael’s casket and it instantly becomes full and beautiful again. She smiles to the heavens, knowing Michael still loves her even in death.

Wait, what?


I realized as I was trying to type up the summary, I could have kept describing the tons of minutia in the film because honestly, about eighty of the ninety minutes feels useless. “Kids summon a demon and it possesses one of their bodies to go on a killing spree.” That’s it. That’s the story. But all this other crap (the first love, Daddy’s constant absence, the visions, Michael’s dinosaur pajamas) does this film absolutely NO favors.

I’m not sure why Shudder described the writer/director, Rubén Galindo Jr., as the King of Mexican Gore because he’s got maybe 3-4 horror movies to his name. Granted, I haven’t seen those films so maybe they’re swimming in human offal. But there wasn’t that much gore going on here. Yeah, lots of blood and some stringy slime-spit from Tony at the end. However, a Herschell Gordon Lewis film this is not.

The acting is gods awful. It’s either completely over the top or non-existent. It doesn’t help that the ADR or overdubbing is terrible. But thankfully Michael narrates the opening of the film because who wants to actually show his backstory when he can just tell us, amirite? Throw in a lot of overly dramatic and cheesy music, and you’ve got yourself a movie.

Moooom, why do people treat me like a baby!?

While we do get some development of Michael, his mom, and the family dynamic, most of the characters are just there to die. I suppose Tony is given more than a shallow puddle’s worth of depth with the whole rose romantic advice, and I do feel bad for him once he’s possessed. But we never get more backstory on the whole ‘never play with a Ouija’ again which really could have made Tony’s character more interesting.

There were character actions that had me scratching my head. When Michael was having waking visions, he couldn’t actually see his surroundings – just the visions. So I’m not sure why he was running full-tilt boogie, and weaving side to side, down sets of stairs or through hospital corridors. He tripped and stumbled more than the slut victim from a Friday the 13th movie. But he could leap through a window, that could only be accessed if he stood on a couch next to it, with laser precision. When Michael gets another vision at Alex’s house, he pulls out the gun John gave him earlier (don’t worry about it) and starts blasting, shooting up everything in the room EVEN THOUGH HE CAN’T SEE. And why do people keep getting in John’s car through the windows instead of opening the doors? Does they think they’re in Hazard County, for cripes sake?

I just…

And while there are a lot more things I disliked about this movie, I can recognize some awesome, too. The special effects are all practical, which is my favorite. The blood looks great; the wounds have little noticeable latex edging; when John gets the dagger from under the chin to the roof of his mouth, you get to see the blade inside his mouth. Very cool effect. The makeup for Tony as he slowly ages and rots (didn’t realize possession did that, but okay) was fantastic. By the end, it doesn’t even look like makeup anymore but a part of the actor.

Unfortunately, that’s about it. There so much going on here that’s ridiculous, or idiotic, or just lacking direction. For an eighties completist, sure. Check it out if you have the time, especially if you need a good laugh. Otherwise, I’d say leave it in the past and move on with your life.

1 hatchet (out of 5)

 


 


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December 22, 2015

Movie Review: Auteur (2013)

Oh, fake documentary films. Stop it. Just stop. You and your ‘found footage’ asshole cousin need to go spend time in a sanitarium and get clean until you can be real movies again.

Ugh.

Auteur introduces us to Jack Humphreys, a doughy genteel film maker who just hasn’t been able to break into the movie business. But he has a genius idea. If he can track down the missing horror director, Charlie Buckwall, and tell his story, the high brass in Hollywood won’t be able to ignore him anymore and will give him a fantastic movie deal!

Poor naive bastard.

Who the hell is Charlie Buckwall? Well, I’m so glad you asked. Charlie Buckwall is an infamous horror director. And his last film, Demonic, promised to be a giant success. But for some odd reason, before the movie could be released, he disappeared with the only copy, basically screwing over the entire crew, cast, production company, movie house, etc. etc. etc.

November 6, 2015

Movie Review: Halloween Hell (2015)

Ed Hardy is back after a long hiatus to give us another glimpse of gory horror in Halloween Hell. The director, most notable for the late 70s and early 80s efforts Bloody Birthday, Plague and Alien Warrior. As a fan of the time period, and Ed's films in general, I was eagerly anticipating this new venture. I remembered the gory practical effects and solid characterization on a budget that was a hallmark of an Ed Hunt film. Halloween Hell has a portion of that, which is great, but it suffers from a reliance on digital effects that are, truly, sub par and a talent pool that was drained before shooting began. Still, there are moments of really effective horror filmmaking but they are hampered by budgetary and talent constraints.


June 6, 2015

Double Feature from Hell: Hellinger and Holy Terror

That title pretty much sums it up. This write up is the result of me having to sit through two crappy films in one afternoon. So put your big girl panties on and let’s get through it.


Hellinger (1997)

We begin this movie with a flashback to 20 years earlier. Eight-year old Melissa’s dad is being a total dick to her because his wife, her mom, left him. Apparently the little tyke is afraid of the dark and of something called Hellinger, a mythical demon of sorts that she fears will come take her away to Hell. So naturally the dad taunts her because dick and by doing so, incurs the wrath of Hellinger - who’s real, by the way - who pops in just long enough to pluck out daddy’s eyes and deliver a promise to return.

He doesn’t give us a timetable or a reason WHY so Melissa is left frantic, fearful, and fucked in the head.

Now it’s present day and Melissa is in therapy (shocking). Her therapist doesn’t believe her story about Hellinger, even though she saw him the other night! The power went out in her apartment and Hellinger showed up, tore some skin off his face then ate it. He blathered on about how much he missed her. Is he hitting on her or something? I guess yelling at a woman about how much you love her eyes and wanting to rip them from her skull is considered foreplay in the demon world

September 22, 2014

The Midnight Game (2013) Movie Review

Sorry it’s been a few weeks since I last posted. It’s busy season for my hubby’s business and helping out takes priority over shredding shitty movies. I mean, contemplate and ponder thoughtful movie reviews for the wonderful films my overlords at CHC deem worthy of my inspired mind.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Anyway, as I’m in a few day break before more madness ensues, I thought I’d pop in one of above mentioned films. Keep in mind, though, that I’m battling a cold so I might be a bit more heavy handed on the snark for this one.

Inspired by true events (oh, for fuck’s sake), The Midnight Game involves a handful of high school students having a little get together at Kaitlin’s house while her mother is away on business. Her friends, Jenna and Rose, invite over some boys (OMG Mom said no boiz!) Shane and Jeff.

Shane, being the QB, insists they play The Midnight Game. It’s a pagan ritual (duh) that was designed to ‘help you follow the rules’. They have to confess their fears, write their names on some paper with a drop of their blood, then each light a candle. If a candle goes out before the allotted deadline at 3:33am (I honestly drifted a bit during the exposition here so I don’t know why that’s the chosen time) and is not relit in ten seconds, the Midnight Man will come to punish you. Come on, let’s play! What could go wrong? We’re teenagers and we’re invincible!

April 23, 2014

Movie Review: Knights of Badassdom (2013, Blu-ray)

I’ve never been into Dungeons and Dragons. I was never a gamer; I don’t own any hexagonal dice; I didn’t even read any fantasy novels until I was well into my 20s. But I adore going to the Renaissance Festival every year. Most times I even dress up. I love seeing people immerse themselves in any kind of experience from cosplay to LARPing. So if I enjoyed this flick, I can only imagine how much it speaks to those who take the role-playing/reenacting life more seriously than I ever have.

Knights of Badassdom stars Ryan Kwanten as Joe, a doom metal musician whose super hot girlfriend dumps him because she wants more from life. Joe’s friend and roommate, Eric (Steve Zahn), thinks he needs to get over it by joining him and their good friend, Hung (Peter Dinklage), in a Live Action Role Playing experience over the weekend. Joe reluctantly agrees.

During a LARPing ritual, Eric pulls out an ancient book and picks a random page from which to read. Unfortunately for everyone involved in this weekend’s happenings, the book is an authentic spell manual created by demons that were accidentally summoned by a monk back in the 1600s. Eric calls up a demon succubus that wreaks havoc upon the festival goers. Once they realize it’s not part of the game and that the world is in some serious shit, our band of merry pranksters must accept the terrifying truth and complete a real quest to vanquish the evil.


When I first saw ads and articles about this movie I got very excited. I love the idea of some everyday folks that play at Lord of the Rings are faced with real evil and must use their fake fighting skills to save the day. It didn’t hurt that Ryan Kwanten and Steve Zahn were two of the stars. And for the fellas (and Firefly fans) out there, Summer Glau plays Gwen who can kick some serious ass with her foam swords.

April 1, 2014

Movie Review: Legend of the Hillbilly Butcher (2014)

“Based on a true story.” Are you fucking kidding me?

Legend of the Hillbilly Butcher begins with a grandpa and his three grandkids during story time. He thinks The Bouncy Bunny is lame piece of shit and decides to tell the little half-pints the story of the Hillbilly Butcher. Because nothing says family bonding like sharing tales of murder, mayhem, and cannibalism with children under 10 years old.

Carl Henry Jessup grew up in the backwoods of...does it matter? It’s the backwoods. His parents owned a butcher shop and the local rumors swirling around told tales of long-pig being served up from that establishment. Grandpa says the meat was rather tasty but let’s skip over that part, and the granddaughter’s “what the fuck” face, and let us gentle viewers know that Carl’s parents were killed and he now basically lives like a hermit on the family land.

And let me tell you. He don’t like folk on his land. There are three things you need to know about Carl:
1. The law ends at his property line.
2. No hunting on his property.
3. No fucking on his property.