Movie Review: The Firm (2009, Warner Bros)

...Sports Hooliganism. Good Grief!! After having shockingly, albeit intriguingly read the synopsis of 2009's "The Firm", but before partaking of the film itself, this clueless viewer genuinely had to look that term up...investigate the phenomenon, so to speak...and to reiterate...GOOD GRIEF!!! I mean, don't get me wrong: I haven't been totally ignorant of violence in sports, as far as spectator team support, taken to a ridiculously visceral level; why, the news media, on these domestic shores, is often replant with tasty tidbits of way-too-obsessed spectators, getting way too carried away with the 'rah, rah, rah...go git' 'em, team' reverie, that they begin to beat the crap out of any random anyone, rooting for the other guy. However, these graphic news break visuals seem to typically restrict themselves to singular incidents...one-on-one's, or in one-in-a-blue-moon times, crazed mobs, blind-rage storming the sports event field, itself. In films, it almost seems like the study of 'sports hooliganism' is a sub-genre, unto itself, with...for this viewer...unseen, though reportedly tense and unflinching dramas, typically set in Great Britain, like 2005's "Green Street Hooligans", 2008's "Cass", amongst others. And this...this eye-opening look at rampant sports spectator violence...though, reportedly much more diluted and melodramatic than it's inspiring predecessor...the original "Firm", circa 1989...it still embraces the seemingly mindless essence of the activity...

Movie Review: Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers & Evil Toons

As a lifelong cult film enthusiast when I think of the name Fred Olen Ray I think of an immense body of work that has been almost solely devoted to the making as many wild B-movies as possible over the past three decades. This guy just doesn’t rest. With movies like Beverly Hills Vamp, Bad Girls Go to Mars and Attack if the 60 Foot Centerfolds you know he has a sense of humor to go along with a love for 50’s and 60’s schlock. Ray’s company Retromedia in conjunction with Bayview have just given two of Ray’s classics from the 80’s, both starring the infinitely hot Michelle Bauer (Nightmare Sisters, Night of the Living Babes) in TITular roles, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and Evil Toons. After being out of print for the past few years these titles can be had by anyone into cheesy jokes, boobs and horror.

When a chainsaw worshipping cult led by none other than” Leatherface” himself, Gunnar Hansen (who’s known simply here as the “Stranger”) starts making itself known by trolling the bars of the inner-city, johns start winding up dead following some illicit activity with ladies of the night. Mercedes (Bauer) does the brunt of the slaughtering for the crew by just being her alluring, sexy self and these horny dumdums naturally go ga ga for a chance to get off by the busty babe. Scream queen legend Linnea Quigley plays our oft naked protagonist who is essentially the key to taking down these chainsaw juggling freaks.

Movie Review: Commitment (2013; Showbox/Well Go USA)

...Youth Pre-empted. Interrupted. Innocence, abruptly thrust into maturity. Whether by design, by accident, by choice or by way of necessity...for better or for worse, a hiccup in life, that's quite literally life-changing. For some of us, such a revelation is quite relatable (...for this viewer, here's a hand raised, having had 'youth interrupted', at least in part, by way of an early and lengthy stint in the military). A misfit-flavored sort of loneliness...sometimes, a blurring confusion of identity. In that respect, possibly given way to conditioning and adapting, one is forcibly expected to perform in a mature manner, dealing with serious issues and situations...all while forced to suppress that sense of youth, wanting ever so much to break free (...once again, hand raised over here, in that the military tethered and restricted my youthfully driven creative side). In films, this personal aspect has been examined many times, and in most cases and varied scenarios, has been found quite compelling and intriguing...the sudden thrust into an adult world...how one performs in such a situation...the lonely, misfit feeling of surrendering one's self in a mature role...trying to fit in a coat that's several sizes too big, and forced to shelve one's youth...and the resulting knowledge incorporated, should that sense of lost youth, be recovered. Such is the dilemma of Myung-Hon Ri, a labor-camp youth, turned assassin, and assigned a most unusual, yet ideal undercover...as a high school student, in inaugural director Park Hong-Soo's compelling examination of unconventional espionage, family loyalty, and the struggle to maintain identity...2013's "Commitment"...

Movie Review: Home Before Midnight (1979; Kino Lorber/Redemption Films)

...as might have more than likely been the case, as far as anyone else...if this open-minded, cinema-crazed viewer had, back in the golden days of browsing the video rental isles, perchance and out of curiosity, pulled this quirky little drama off the rental shelf, having previously devoured director Pete Walker's better-known excursions...that is, at the time, without really knowing him as a director, by name...which favored much more visceral, exploitative, accentedly sadistic and horrific genre arenas, I may well have shrugged my shoulders, and place the tape back on the shelf...though having taken a chance on the film, I would have been surprisingly taken back at how provocative and equally exploitative the film was, despite the headline-driven dramatic subject matter, which is presented, in 1979's "Home Before Midnight". Hmmm...interestingly enough, this viewer...several years older now, wasn't genuinely privy of Pete Walker's masterfully rendered work until just after the demise of the video store rental, and well into the digital home video inset; having subscribed to the more graphically lurid, provocative, disturbing and blood-spattered of Walker's entourage, I have to gladly reiterate, having recently viewed his abrupt switch towards the more melodramatic, with "Home...", given the particular time of it's initial release, that he most assuredly had not lost his exploitative touch, with this engaging bit of provocative storytelling...

Kevin Connor's twisted horror comedy "Motel Hell" Collector's Edition debuts this Aug 12

SCREAM FACTORY™ PRESENTS

A Twisted Horror Comedy from Celebrated British Filmmaker Kevin Connor
Finally Arrives on Blu-ray™!

MOTEL HELL
Starring Rory Calhoun, Nancy Parsons, Nina Axelrod, Paul Linke and Wolfman Jack
COLLECTOR’S EDITION BLU-RAY+DVD COMBO PACK
HITS HOME ENTERTAINMENT SHELVES ON AUGUST 12, 2014

Pre-Order This Highly Anticipated SCREAM FACTORY Home Entertainment Release Today!

People come from far and wide to sample Farmer Vincent's distinctively flavored dried, smoked sausages, but one might well ask why there are so few people staying at the nearby kitschy Motel Hello.  Also, have you ever wondered about the secret ingredients that make his meats taste so darn good?  The ‘80s cult classic horror-comedy film MOTEL HELL, directed by Kevin Connor (At The Earth's Core, The House Where Evil Dwells) takes on a frighteningly funny look into the different kinds of critters that make up Farmer Vincent's fritters with plenty of surprises. On August 12, 2014, Shout! Factory is bringing MOTEL HELL Collector’s Edition Blu-ray+ DVD combo pack to home entertainment shelves in the U.S and Canada. Packed with insightful bonus content and all-new interviews, this definitive collector’s edition also contains a collectible cover, featuring newly rendered retro-style artwork, a reversible cover wrap with original theatrical key art. A must-have for collectors and horror enthusiasts, MOTEL HELL Collector’s Edition Blu-ray+DVD combo packed is priced to own at $29.93 SRP.

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Pain & Gain

Kevin talks about the Michael Bay film that is destined to be a cult classic starring Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie and Tony Shalhoub.

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Movie Review: Dead Kids (1981, Blu-ray)

I’m not sure why but it seems I’ve been sent yet another film from the 80s. I don’t know what I did to get in the good graces of the powers that be (aka Jeff Dolniak). Please someone tell me so this happens again! Not that I don’t love watching the modern stuff, too, but it’s nice to have some throwbacks/classics come my way.

Dead Kids (aka Strange Behavior) sets the stage with a teenager sneaking a little ciggy in his room while his mom is downstairs preparing dinner. The power goes out and after the kid lights a candle and plays shadow puppets, he’s brutally murdered.

Chief of Police John Brady and his son, Pete, live in this tiny town of Galesburg. While dad is busy trying to solve the murder, Pete is trying to find a way to raise some quick cash so he can apply to the local university. Cue his bud, Oliver, who tells him about some scientific trials at Galesburg U where, if Pete volunteers to participate as a guinea pig, he can earn $100 per session (minimum two sessions required).

What could possibly go wrong?

Yep, these sessions involve behavior modification practices based on the recorded instructions of a dead professor, LaSange. When Pete signs up, the head technician, Gwen Parkinson, makes sure Pete hasn’t told his father about it. RED FLAG, PETE! RED FLAG! She then gives him a pill that supposed to make him smarter, increasing the connections in his brain, but really he just feels high 15 seconds after swallowing it. RED FLAG, PETE! RED FLAG!

After a few more murders, and a shit ton more red flags, CoP Brady believes these trials at the college are at the heart of everything. You see, his wife used to work for Dr. LaSange and in developing his crazy theories. John never believed her sudden death was anything but that bastard’s fault.

Movie Review: Sleepaway Camp (1983, Blu-ray)

There have been numerous slashers based in summer camps produced over the years since Friday the 13th brought the horrors of Camp Crystal Lake to the forefront of horror lovers everywhere. Robert Hiltzik’s Sleepaway Camp is one of those unique body-count films that transcends what so many of the post-Friday the 13th slice’n’dicers tried to achieve with a story that doesn’t quite play by the rules like other films of its ilk. This classic in the slasher genre has just been released to Blu-ray thanks to the folks at Scream Factory and Shout Factory with some new surprises and a brand-spanking new transfer that blows away Anchor Bay’s original box set from several years ago.

The plot follows a seemingly innocent young girl named Angela (Felissa Rose, Satan’s Playground, and Slaughter Party) who at the urging of her very quirky Aunt is going to summer camp with her cousin, Ricky (Jonathan Tiersten). Camp Arawak is the destination for these two – it’s full of fun in the sun, marshmallow roasting and also the unfortunate bullying and attempted molestation of Angela. Ricky is there though, to protect her from some of it, but things get progressively worse when people start dying in some creative and at times gruesome ways. Did one of the counselors go crazy? Is it the creeper cook? What about one the bullies? Sleepaway Camp has its share of red herrings sprinkled throughout the story so you’re never quite sure until its shocking climax.

Movie Review: Jesus, The Total Douchebag (2012)

This is a first for me, folks. I know I haven’t been reviewing movies for Cinema Head Cheese for all that long (just over a year) so there are still going to be a lot of flicks out there that will disgust me, bore me, make me die a little inside. But as of June 19, 2014, one day before my 45th birthday, I quit on a movie only 45 minutes in (hmmm...45 years, 45 minutes, interesting coinkeedink). I’m ashamed that I wasn’t stronger, ashamed that I didn’t have the mental fortitude to tough it out. Perhaps, though, I will be able to save one of you from a future of darkness and despair that will be sure to follow anyone who watches this brain-sucking project.

Director and star, Bill Zebub (I shit you not), brings us Jesus, The Total Douchebag. It’s an overreaching, try-too-hard-because-I-want-people-to-think-I’m-edgy satire about Jesus, God, and all religion in general. I hate to break it to you, Bill, but you are neither original nor interesting with this theme. Atheism and agnosticism is what all the cool kids are playing at and you come off as the hipster wanna-be at the tail end of the skinny jeans and beard trend.

Movie Review: In the Shadow (2011)

Directed by Nicole Elmer

Movie review by Greg Goodsell


Shy and retiring, Diego (Jorge Sermini) works as a busboy on the Caribbean island. Diego has a good deal just beneath the surface; he’s able to revive the dead back into the world of the living. Diego was given this miraculous incantation from a local hermit (played by Machete himself, Danny Trejo) after Diego’s daughter drowned while swimming. Diego keeps his special powers under wraps, only reluctantly resurrecting loved ones among the island’s poor. His efforts take a great psychological toll on him, and a mysterious, dark figure begins to haunt his waking hours. In the meantime, brassy, self-confident documentary filmmaker Hilary (Michelle Keffer) discovers Diego’s special powers and begins to obsessively stalk him. Eventually, they fall in love and begin a torrid affair. Hilary returns to her estranged husband back in the United States – Diego confronts his past, and the film ends on an unexpectedly optimistic note.

While there a jump scares and shock cuts aplenty, In the Shadow is definitely not your run-of-the-mill horror flick. While its story is a bit threadbare and cliché, the film takes pains to disassociate itself from those with similar premises. While the film’s story is similar to Zeder (1983, aka Revenge of the Dead) and Pet Sematary (1989), also about reanimating loved ones and the consequences they cause, In the Shadow keeps the most logical part of its story – i.e., what happens to the people once they are resurrected? – under close wraps until the very end. In the Shadow is not about zombies, but about dealing with life choices.

Stagefright Coming to Blu-ray from Blue Underground!

The Terrifying First Film from the Director of THE CHURCH and CEMETERY MAN

Streets on September 23!

While a group of young actors rehearse a new musical about a mass murderer, a notorious psychopath escapes from a nearby insane asylum. But when the show’s director locks his cast in the theater overnight, the madman is accidentally locked inside as well. Now, a killer with acting in his blood has gone berserk for the blood of actors (including several scenes that EuroHorror fans worldwide consider to be the most violent of the decade) and the stage is set for one unforgettable evening of shock, suspense and unstoppable carnage.

STAGEFRIGHT marked the stunning directorial debut of Dario Argento protégé Michele Soavi and instantly sealed his reputation as the leader of Italian horror’s new generation of filmmakers. Also known as AQUARIUS, DELIRIA and BLOODY BIRD, this brutal shocker has been newly transferred in gore-drenched High Definition from the original uncut and uncensored negative and comes loaded with exclusive new Extras!

Movie Review: Convoy (1978; EMI Films/Cheezy Flicks)

...it's sometimes intriguing, and at the same time, perplexing when a renowned, albeit controversial filmmaker...reputedly known for escapist film fare, rendered on a provocatively visceral and dead serious level...does a 180 degree turnabout, and takes on a much more lighter level of material...adventurous and thrilling, with a measure of humor, intrigue, romanticism and rollicking light-heartiness, that wholly contradicts many of that filmmaker's previous productions. Almost as if the director wanted to take it easy, and do something fun and outrageous...maybe even commercial, for a change...a break from the provocative and controversial, and onto something much more akin to wild and crazy abandon. They...the critics, his fellow filmmaking brethren, and even the general public...thought that director Sam Peckinpah had taken leave of his senses, when his next chosen project was a rip-roaring, 18-wheelin' juggernaut, good ol' boy movie version of a pop country/western hit song, which at the time, was reining over the AM radio waves. Crazy insane?? This is the guy who dared turn the western genre on it's ear, with unconventional revisionist classics, like 1969's "The Wild Bunch" & 1973's "Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid", not to mention visceral crime dramas, like 1971's "Straw Dogs" & "1972's "The Getaway"; yet, here he was...jumping on the band wagon, with the 'flavor-of-the-moment', dash & crash truckspoitation genre, spear-headed by at-the-time recent runaway hits, like 1977's "Smokey and the Bandit", "Breaker! Breaker!" and the following year's "High-Ballin'". And amazingly enough, Peckinpah's whimsically relishable adaption of singer/songwriter C.W. McCall's hit song, "Convoy", proved to be his biggest box-office hit, considering his reputation...and given some able-bodied assistance from another Hollywood legend, due to director's ailing health...

Movie Review: Sugar Cookies (1971, Blu-ray)

When most reflect on the vast film resume of legendary cult film and B-Movie pioneer, Lloyd Kaufman the first films that really come to mind are the ones that truly put his company Troma Entertainment on the map, The Toxic Avenger and The Class of Nuke-Em High. Joel Reed’s Bloodsucking Freaks and Charles Kaufman’s Mother’s Day certainly opened some eyes a few years earlier but none can really top the fanfare of those nuclear waste horror/comedies from the mid 1980’s. Kaufman did do quite a bit of work on films in the 1970’s before his emergence in the 80’s, and it wasn’t so much horror either, it was in soft-core and adult movies. In 1973 he penned and produced Theodore Gershuny’s erotic thriller Sugar Cookies starring genre lovelies Lynn Lowry (I Drink Your Blood, The Crazies) and Mary Woronov (Eating Raoul, Death Race 2000). Troma released Sugar Cookies a few years back on DVD but have now joined forces with the impressive up ‘n’ comers at Vinegar Syndrome for a Blu-ray release.

The rather disturbing opening scene of Sugar Cookies involves a movie director named Max Pavell (George Shannon) who forces his young actress, Alata (Lowry) into a violent sexual game (which includes the fellating of a revolver). The result does not end well for the beauty. Being the cunning slime he is, Max is able to make it Alata’s death look like a suicide. Even with this happening, the show must go on for Pavell and his partner Camila (Woronov). Although Camilla plays a little with Pavell, her heart is really with her dead lesbian lover Alta. Camila starts to audition various girls for new erotic films and comes across Alta’s doppelganger, Julia (Lowry, again). Getting back at Pavell becomes the plan for Camila with Julia now in the fold.

Movie Review: Circle the Wagen (2014)

Directed by Ryan Steven Green

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Dave Torstenson is a cheerful, optimistic and admitted “ne’er do well” who suddenly plots a nifty social experiment. Buying a broken down, rusted 1972 Volkswagen bus off the Internet auction site eBay for less than $800, he pledges to take the vehicle – dubbed “The Croc” on Route 66 road trip all the way to California. In the meantime, he will meet up with a merry band of Volkswagen enthusiasts who will help him make his voyage. Enlisting the help of his longtime slacker friend Charlie Pecoraro, Torstenson will have his exploits filmed as part of a documentary intended to show the resilience of the human spirit.

As expected, “the Croc” breaks down repeatedly on the road, Charlie and Dave have to rely on the kindness of strangers, both try to remain smiling in the face of adversity, the damn VW bus breaks down again and again and again – finally, they find a kind soul in Tucumcari, New Mexico to stow the bus for a while – and Dave leaves his friends, support group and fellow VW fans in the lurch as he undertakes a worldwide globe-trotting trip – over the NEXT FOUR YEARS! All sympathy for our protagonist flying out the window, Torstenson DOES return to New Mexico do get the VW bus up and running again – but by this point, few will care.

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - Derek: Season 2

Kevin reviews the second season of Ricky Gervais' Netflix original series.

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Movie Review: Teenage Catgirls in Heat (1994)

I bought this film years ago when a nearby Blockbuster Video closed (#sorrynotsorryyoucocksuckers) because I thought Joe Bob Briggs did commentary on it. Turns out his little blurb on the cover was as involved as he got in this copy. *sad trombone* But since I’ve adored JBB since his Movie Channel days, I decided to watch it anyway. Let’s just say I was seriously unimpressed.

BUY IT HERE!

Teenage Catgirls in Heat is a comedy (Christ, I hope so) brought to us by the Troma Film folks. It opens with an old lady talking to a cat statue moments before she commits suicide. The statue then calls out to all the cats in the area to heed her commands and sacrifice themselves in order for them to become human so they can mate with human men, kill said men, and then give birth to the Great Litter.

Cut over to Ralph, hitching a ride in the back of a pick up truck, and reveling in his new found singlehood. At the height of his happiness a cat darts out in front of the truck. As it swerves, he’s shaken loose and left on the side of the road in the now sudden nighttime (read: shitty blue light filter). Lucky for him the ‘cat’ is now a beautiful naked girl.

Before he gets a chance to talk to her, the neighborhood cat finder, Warren, tears down the road and chases Ralph up a tree. You see, Warren has this homemade radar thing that picks up on cat signals. He assumed the large signal he recently picked up was from a bunch of severed cat heads in Ralph’s back pack. 

Movie Review: Fever Pitch (1997; Channel 4 Film/Twilight Time)

...and now, a word on obsession. Not the type of obsession, where the crazy insane woman business executive is one-night-stand spurned by the horny, reckless and married guy business exec, and it all culminates with a well-boiled bunny in the pressure cooker, and a deftly fired bullet in the forehead...No siree, Bob!! Nor is it a gaggle of sale savvy she-la mall shoppers, who violently storm and mob the nearest department store, like nutzoid concert goers at a Cincinnati 'Who' concert...after hearing the sudden announcement on the PA system, "...boxes of exotic gourmet chocolates...one, for $2.50, or three, for $4.99!!" Can you say, 'Stampede!!', yippee kai-yay, stiletto stompers?? Nope to all of that; rather, we're talking about the phenomenon of sports obsession. The elating, rip-roaring, high-decibel cheers, when a team is doing good, or even wins. The dejection and deep depression that occurs, when the team is not doing so good, or outright loses. The fantasy sports aspect...yes, 'fantasy' to most, but to some, just as real as watching the actual players, themselves. And, oh yes...even going so far as to ardently follow a favorite team across the country, like a crazed groupie, forgoing all else...including...well, this brings us to "Fever Pitch". 'Fever Pitch', huh?? Oh, really?? Title sound familiar?? Let's set the wayback machine to...oh say, circa 1997, and a little romantic comedy/drama ditty, which may well draw forth an equal measure of familiarity, as well as a rousing measure of celebrative fervor, obsession, humor, relationships. and well inspiration of life, itself...even if what is depicted here, seems...well, let's face it, a bit one-sided...

Movie Review: Gila! (2012)

Directed by Jim Wynorski

Movie review by Greg Goodsell

In rural Indiana during the 1950s, the local teens make out, have impromptu drag races and go to sock hops. Their fun is interrupted by a gigantic Gila monster stalking through the barren farm lands. The monster is the result of power plant waste; in this film’s only really bit of gore, the grumpy lizard knocks chemical waste on to two factory workers’ faces, their features melting away before he swats and crushes them with his tail. In the meantime, hot rodder Chase Winstead (Brian Gross) and his girl Lisa (Madeline Voges) gets some friendly antagonism going with Chase's former nemesis, Waco Bob (Jesse Janzen) and his sidekick Carla (Christina De Rosa). No one is really concerned with the rampaging CGI monster which appears sporadically for only a few seconds throughout the movie. The plucky teenagers eventually kill the lizard with a hot rod full of nitro glycerin, and everyone kisses and makes up at the annual Christmas party. The end – or is it? Who cares …?

The Giant Gila Monster (1959) of which this is a remake, is a negligible bit of teenage ennui that somehow managed to escape being redone by AIP TV hack Larry Buchanan in the Sixties. Jim Wynorski steps up to the plate with a serviceable retooling. The excellent cinematography from Ross Headley lavishes considerable attention on all the vintage hot rods used for the film. The stark Indiana countryside, in particular is rendered strangely beautiful. Not so attentive to period detail are the hairstyles – all the guys’ locks fall long past their ears, which would have condemned anyone other than Elvis Presley to “squirrel status.” The girls don’t fare much better – there’s an abundance of long, stringy “hippie hair” and no Bettie Page bangs or Marilyn Monroe bleached-blonde upsweeps. The costumes are kind of, sort of Fifties, but not really. The only real actor this reviewer recognized was Kelli Maroney, one of the heroic teenagers left to inherit the earth in the 1985 cult classic Night of the Comet. Maroney plays a plucky female sheriff’s deputy who says “You’re a big fella, aren’t ya?” before providing the monster’s aperitif.

Movie Review: Final Exam (Blu-ray, 1981)

The old school slasher film continues to make its home in the ever expanding library of Scream Factory and Shout! Factory. Recently Scream Factory joined together in conjunction with the cult DVD company Code Red DVD for the Blu-ray release of one of the earliest Halloween knock-offs in Jimmy Huston’s Final Exam (1981).

This chaos-on-campus opus surrounds the trials and tribulations of some nerds, jocks, preppies and assorted fraternity characters around the end of the school year when many will do anything it takes to get past that big exam. Be it “pranks” like a Colombine-sque staging of the mass murder of students by machine gun courtesy of masked indviduals riding in a van - These kids will do what it takes to get around this test. To compromise the situation even more a psycho is going around campus and stabbing students with a very large butcher knife. The more obnoxious and naked they are, the bigger the chance they’ll meet their end in nasty fashion.

My Stepdad's a Freakin' Vampire (2009) Movie Review

I’ve been told that Kevin has already reviewed this film. Though I didn’t see if on the archive list, I’ll still assume it’s true. From what was described to me, this movie left quite the sad and sour taste in Kev’s mouth. I, however, enjoyed it more than I anticipated. I mean, come on. The title alone screams steaming pile of shit but I was pleasantly, if only slightly, surprised.

My Stepdad’s a Freakin’ Vampire is about a young lad, Rusty Funkhouse (yeah...), and the typical set up of a shitty relationship between him and his step-dad, Richard, aka Dick. Rusty’s BFF, Travis, also has a dick for a dad so it all works out. Brad, the Frosh, simply wants to be a part of Rusty’s inner circle. I’m not sure why because Rusty is kind of a jack ass.

But it turns out Richard really is a dick. Well, a vampire dick anyway. He kills and turns the local mailman, Chuck, and uses him as ‘muscle’ while Richard searches for an ancient artifact. Naturally, no one believes Rusty’s story about his monster step-dad (despite the blood smears on the attic door - how did the cops miss that?) so it’s up to him, Travis, Brad, and the grizzled janitor, Gert, to find out what the hell Richard is up to and why.

Long story short (too late), we discover Richard is the dethroned king of the vampires and a prop that Rusty’s dad used in his old magic show is the key (literally) to the success of his takeover of the world. He releases a bunch of ancient vampires, Chuck raises some zombie vampires (wha...?), and Rusty’s mom is in big trouble because Richard needs to take a human bride.

I don’t know what the hell is going on, either.

Movie Review: Honey Buns (1973)

The Impulse Pictures line of DVDs run by the Blu-ray and DVD specialists Synapse Films has consistently shown a dedication to bringing some of the naughtiest filth to DVD that the world has to offer. Whether it’s the crazy Japanese perversion of the popular Nikkatsu series or the goofy Euro-trashiness contained in the School Girl Report releases, Impulse shows a variety any pervert can appreciate. Thankfully, the Golden Age of porn is now becoming more of a focus with the recent release of Honey Buns, starring hardcore and soft-core starlets, Ushi Digard (Super Vixens, Fantasm) and Rene Bond (Please Don’t Eat My Mother, Rene Bond's Sex Fantasies).

Honey Buns is a "story" about a lonely, horny and pathetic schlep who slaves away at his shit desk job for his obnoxious boss who really doesn’t do much work himself. When his boss isn’t yelling at him he throws the always charming lecherous gaze at the females at the office (played by Bond and Digard) and occasionally breaks open a porno magazine right at his desk.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #139 - Back Gunt

Jeff and Kevin it with former Abnormal cohort Brian Smith for a live show at Phoenix Comicon. They talk about the start of the new Propaganda Podcasting Network, the movies the three of them have worked on, Brian and Kevin's project Specter Quest and more in a podcast that goes into some interesting territory.

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Movie Review: "Sheriff of Contention" (2010; Rock Wayne Org./High Frontier Vent./Lionsgate)

...from studio to studio...from distribution company to distribution company...they say that for every great film script, pull out from the endless sea of extensive literary meanderings & cinematic hopefuls, and given it's due, there are at least two dozen or so others...some good, most bad...left to languish, lost and unnoticed. Occasionally, the cinematic powers-that-be, do take a gamble on a forlorn concept...one of those thought lost and discarded scripts, which most have turned their discriminant nose up at...save for that rare and singular moment of unconvention, who keenly eyes a laid-aside script of potential...something which elicits a thought-provoking 'hmmm, that's interesting'. A story interesting enough to warrant engaging, even in the midst of what might be considered muddled thespian in performance, and untried in direction & editing. Such might well have been the case, with the respectably thrilling and intriguing 2010 old-westerner, "Sheriff of Contention", which sat collecting dust on a shelf...that is, until Liongate, of all surprising distributors, recently saw fit to shed an indiscriminate and opportunist spotlight on the little film...to the delight of us devotees of the type of period Wild West melodramas, which in this case, unconventionally assume contemporary conventions, albeit on a forgiveably less-than perfect level of presentation...

...Sheriff Peavy is in the throes of almost overwhelming pressure; the people, whom he serves in the dusty frontier town of Contention City, have expressed a growing loss of faith in his abilities, saying that he is 'used up and burnt out'. The sheriff's gun-happy right hand man, Deputy Conley, has made no secret of his ambitions, in possibly replacing the sheriff, in view of his seemingly diminished stature...and even the town's mayor himself has expressed and encouraged such a prospective changing of hands. And in the midst of such personal turmoil, the sheriff...as well as the townspeople...are horrified and perplexed at a ever-increasing series of heinous and ruthless killings, which have targeted the town's womenfolk...

Movie Review:The Bamboo Saucer (1968, Olive Films)

Directed by Frank Telford

Movie Review by Greg Goodsell

Air Force pilot Hank Peters (Dan Duryea, in his final film role) is buzzed by a very poorly processed flying saucer during a mission. He’s informed that the saucer in question is being kept in a decommissioned church in a remote mountainous section of Red China. Assembling a crack team of scientists and researchers – mostly American, although they do bring along British metallurgist Dave Ephram (Bernard Fox) for some chip! Chip! Cheerio! To offset the yanks. Peters and his colleagues parachute into China, where they are led by the “nice, non-communist” Sam Archibald (James Hong) to the hidden UFO. They’re not there for 15 minutes when they run across a shoot-first-and-ask-questions later Russian team led by Dobovsky (Rico Cattani) on a similar mission to track down the saucer. Seeing as they are in hostile territory, the Russians and Americans force an uneasy truce.

Hiding out in the abandoned church, they discover that the alien spacecraft opens up whenever a crew member operates his electric shaver due to the low-level vibrations. The interior of the saucer is highly earthbound and simplistic, two steps above the one found in Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959). Said spaceship, seen inside the building in long shots, is an especially atrocious process shot – it looks like a blue-tinted child’s cutout! There are the usual capitalism-versus-communism arguments and Peters falls in love with pretty Russian scientist Anna (Lois Nettleton). When Anna prays over the body of a fallen comrade, Peters quips, “You’re not a very good Marxist, are you?” You get the idea. There are various complications, all of them stale and dated even by 1968 standards, and in an especially telling bit of agit-prop, Dobovsky convinces everyone to turn in their weapons but then pulls out a hidden, trusty revolver when things get heated. So much for disarmament, eh, comrades? The compound comes under fire by the Red Chinese and both the Americans and Russians join forces, briefly (a Cold War fantasy that some people actually hoped for way back then). Eventually Peters, Anna and Jack Garson (played by the late Bob Hastings from TV’s “McHale’s Navy”) jump aboard the spacecraft, it roars off into space – and the day is saved by pushing a couple of buttons. It all ends with a quote from U.S. President John F. Kennedy.

Movie Review: To Stigma (1982)

A nurse talks about kids that are born monsters. Eleni [Olia Lazariodu] and Petros [Antonis Kafetzopoulos] just gave birth to one. Later we learn that it is a mongoloid. The lead couple will get advice from a variety of people, most importantly a lawyer who tells them that the clinic can’t legally kill the unwanted baby. So, they decided to do it themselves after the suggestion of a nurse and the phony death certificate a doctor agreed to give to them.

This is a nightmarish drama, kinda like a Rosemary’s Baby (1968) but without Satan involved. It is a disappointment though that we never see the baby, not even in the end. Also, the whole thing takes place mostly in the hospital and the couple’s apartment and some very few other interior locations. What’s great about it though is that the majority of shots are actors’ point of view, something that makes the viewing experience somewhat unique.

Writer/Director Pavlos Tasios is well known and respected in Greece, but I can’t rank this among his best films. Those would be Parangelia! (1980), Knock Out (1986) and To Vary... Peponi (1977). Those three were released together in a huge VHS box-set more than a decade ago. Since I’m not much of a fan of Greek films I gave away my copy to a fellow collector.

Movie Review: Death Spa (Blu-ray,1987)

Anyone hitting the video stores regularly in the 80’s and early 90’s should be familiar with the horror movie sub-label of MPI video called Gorgon Video. The days of VHS are long-gone for the most part and so it seemed for Gorgon…until now! Whenever the Gorgon banner adorned the giant clamshell of titles like the Faces of Death series and Mario Bava’s splattery giallo, you knew what you were in for – something very bloody and often shocking. The label’s comeback starts this summer with the release of Michael Fischa’s Death Spa (aka Witch Bitch)  on DVD and Blu-ray. As a longtime horror fan and someone who watched the grisly trailer over and over when it popped up on the VHS release of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer until I finally saw it on a shitty quality DVD from the UK, I couldn’t be happier.

When Catherine (Shari Shattuck) decides to kill herself after the sudden loss of her child her soul doesn’t quite rest – it becomes a jealous vengeful spirit. She doesn’t haunt a house, or a church or some hotel, she haunts a high-tech workout facility run by computers that’s owned by her handsome husband Michael (William Bumiller). Michael is a ladies’ man and Catherine’s none too keen on him having anyone but her. If it means blowing up heads or tearing gym patrons apart via the workout machines, she'll make it happen!

Movie Review: Special ID (2013, Well Go USA)

...the cinematic 'lone wolf' detective. We, as ardent movie-watchers, have seen a countless number of them. Highly skilled, but doesn't play well with others. And in fact, plays by his own rules. A loose cannon, who doesn't believe in the bureaucracy of the set standards. Often chastised by his superiors, in that his way of doing things, racks up too many dead bodies, and causes more damage, financially, than if things were done the 'right way'. A rogue, whom the associated police force would rather do without, if not for the fact that he does get the job done...perhaps too well. And so on, and so forth, and a partridge in a pear tree, right?? But we absolutely love them, don't we?? The death-defying anti-hero that succeeds, where the status quo, by-the-book 'normal' have fallen short...and that success is usually preceded by fiery explosions, rampantly wild & reckless vehicular pursuit, an endless shower of bullets, a sense of within-the-law lawlessness, and of course, an accumulative body count of bad guys. And yet, once the smoke has cleared, we, as devotees of the genre, really want to to know more about such alluring, no-nonsense rogues, whom we might vicariously relate to...what makes these dudes tick?? With regards to director Clarence Fok Yiu-leung's (...1992's "Naked Killer" and 1996's "Thunder Cop", amongst others) dynamic actioner, "Special ID", it is the former aspect, where the film works best...and it's the latter inquisitive observation, where the film seems to fail...

Movie Review: Seven Warriors (1989; Maverick Films/Well Go USA)

...Cliff Notes   remember those?? Those revelational baskins of saving grace, we oh-so often utilized in high school literature class, when writing book reports, and making crossed-fingers-behind-the-back 'I swear' claimant, in actually having read the book...even though the 'been there-done that' English teacher...shaking her finger adamantly at the class...clearly stated, "...now, I'll know whether or not you've read the book, or merely read the 'Cliff Notes', as the latter only touches the bare-bones basic 'beat' of the story, without going into detailed specifics, as far as character and setting..."?? "And besides...", of course, she had to add, just to lay the guilt trip, "...isn't reading the actual book so much more rewarding, anyways?? Yeah, yeah...we thought that we knew better, didn't we...that is, until we saw the dreaded C+, etched in red ink, at the top of the report, which we 'labored' oh-so hard on (...it's not fair, dammit...head down, hands in pocket, kicking the dirt in defiance). But then, that's exactly how the 1920's war-torn China-set, 1996 take on the classic 'Seven Samurai' story, called "Seven Warriors", seems to come across...hitting the standard 'beats' of the story, like some sort of checklist...without really making the re-envision, special unto itself...

Movie Review: Rollerball (1975, Blu-ray)

I remember Rollerball from my schooldays. It came onto TV and all the kids in my class (4A, I believe: it's amazing what details certain things dredge up) were talking about it. It was like forbidden fruit. I didn't get to see it then, but saw it later and enjoyed. By then I'd read William Harrison's short story that it was based on. Now, it's many years on and times have changed. I wonder if kids today talk about the 2002 remake like it was forbidden fruit. Somehow I doubt it. I saw the remake a few years ago and while it wasn't a patch on the original it wasn't as bad as people claimed. It didn't scream forbidden fruit though.

Now I also have a little more pertinent background too, and that's well beyond just having a clue who Norman Jewison is. I haven't been to a roller derby match (game?) yet but I have met some of the girls and, let me tell you, they're not the little sissies that I had some vague uneducated idea that they were. Those are some tough ladies for sure and I could easily believe them playing rollerball at professional level.

Donald Farmer's Legendary Invasion of the Scream Queens Available on DVD for the First Time This June

New York, NY -- Wild Eye Releasing is honored to announce that the classic documentary Invasion of the Scream Queens will soon be available on DVD.

Originally shot in the early 1990s, during the heyday of direct to video and cable TV B-movie horror, the film has been rescued from obscurity and will be released on a Special Edition 20th Anniversary DVD by Wild Eye on June 17th.

Pre-Order Invasion of the Scream Queens

Get an inside look at what it takes to be a scream queen and hear the behind-the-scenes stories about the making of some of the most classic horror films of our time, including The Hills Have Eyes, I Spit on Your Grave, Slumber Party Massacre, and many more.   Invasion of the Scream Queens takes you back to a time when the term "Scream Queen" was brand new and promised the hottest actresses in the most outrageous low budget horror movies.

Cinema Head Cheese: Podshort! - X-Men: Days of Future Past

Kevin digs into the most recent installment of the X-Men series in the first Podshort from Cinema Head Cheese.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

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Movie Review: Dan Curtis' Dracula (Blu-ray)

There have been some amazing monsters created for books and film over the past few centuries but possibly the most iconic is Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  We’ve seen plenty of exceptional representations of the suave bloodsucker on film with Bela Lugosi, Christopher Lee, Gary Oldman and even Frank Langella’s turn as Dracula. Horror TV producer extraordinaire Dan Curtis ( Dark Shadows, The Night Stalker, Trilogy of Terror) put his imprint on the vampire genre with the TV film, Bram Stokers’ Dracula starring the great Jack Palance (City Slickers, Alone in the Dark  ). MPI video has remastered this incarnation for Blu-ray and added some fine extras that may please genre fans.

Palance takes the lead as Dracula with veteran actor Nigel Davenport (Island of Dr. Moreau, The Portrait of Dorian Gray) playing the always doggedly determined vampire hunter Van Helsing. Dracula’s biggest weakness here, in addition to his stronge aversion to sunlight and crosses is the fact that he longs for being together with his lost love Lucy (Fiona Lewis, The Fearless Vampire Killers).

This incarnation of the Dracula story really is really propelled to the next level by the by pen of horror writer extraordinaire Richard Matheson (The Twilight Zone, Trilogy of Terror) who infuses a romantic element and structures an almost fragile persona of Count Dracula. Drac has feelings...but this is what makes him all the more dangerous. Palance is as imposing as Christopher Lee with his stature and projects perfect menace as he throws grown men like their nothing. Palance’s chiseled facial features also add a look that really makes you not wanna be caught in a dark corridor with the fella.

Blown - The Killer Blow-Up Doll Movie

We've been threatening to post this for a long time, and it's finally here. Watch our killer blow-up doll movie in it's entirety right here.

Bobby and Karen are in love. When Bobby proposed, it should have been the happiest day of their lives, but their neighbor, voodoo priestess Esmerelda, has other plans. With the help of a mystical severed head, Esmerelda plots her revenge through the eyes of a blow-up doll.