It seems that all types of adult entertainment (be it soft or hardcore erotica) have put on display some memorable mammaries…or in very simple terms, boobies. The natural jug is something special though. Don’t get me wrong there have been some fine pairs of fake boobs in adult cinema but, to me, nothing beats a good soft, squishy, hypnotizing natural rack that hangs off a gal’s torso. Christy Canyon, Seka, and Ushi Digard are some true favorites that no doubt “bare” that top-notch bosom. I had never seen the lovely Carol Conners until I took gander at Vinegar Syndrome’s latest XXX double-bill, Gail Palmer’s Erotic Adventures of Candy and Candy Goes to Hollywood until recently and I must say that this Golden Age babe is right up there with those other lovely top-heavy honeys.
With the long anticipated Full House sequel coming to Netflix today, I thought it would be a perfect time to review the unauthorized made for TV movie based on the behind the scenes story of the show. I'll be honest, I watched every episode of the original series when I was a kid. I remember watching it during ABC's TGIF lineup, which included a variety of shows at different points throughout the years. While I have heard stories about the origin of the show through various podcast and television appearances made by the big three stars of the show (Bob Saget, Dave Coulier and John Stamos), I know I had to sit through this bizarro version of reality when the screener showed up.
We start with up-and-coming comics Coulier and Saget at a stand-up show. They talk about their careers and some upcoming opportunities. This is when you notice that the Coulier guy has a head three times the size of his counterpart, and the Saget guy is pushing hard to do a pretty good impression. We see Stamos working at his family's restaurant after a soap opera stint, and he feels like his career is going nowhere. Through a strange series of events, the trio ends up being the head of what seems like a disaster of a series.
I saw this years ago. And if memory serves, it’s just terrible. I don’t know if it was the directing or the writing or some amalgamation of all aspects of putting a film together but the resources (aka actors) were completely wasted.
Let’s see if it still sucks, no pun intended.
Based on the novel by John Steakly, John Carpenter’s Vampires is the story about Jack Crow, a very angry man whose parents were killed by vampires when he was but a wee lad. The Catholic church took him in and raised him to be a vampire slayer, which is a win win for both parties - Jack gets to channel his angsty teenage years into productive use and the church gets someone to help rid the world of evil.
After Jack’s crew is slaughtered by a Master vampire, Cardinal Alba sends Jack on a new mission: to find the Black Cross, an ancient religious relic that was, technically, responsible for the creation of vampires (oops, our bad). Valek, this latest Master, was the subject of a reverse exorcism back in the 1300s that went horribly wrong. Though the ritual was never completed, Valek became the first vampire. If he gets his hands on this Black Cross, he’ll be able to complete the ritual that will allow him and all vampires to walk in the light.
And that would just be awful because only sunlight and a steak through the heart can kill them.
Complicating things, or perhaps helping them out, is a freshly bitten hooker, Katrina. Her short lived telepathic link to the Master will help Jack and his Number Two, Anthony, track Valek down and hopefully stop him before he can get his hands on the cross. Unfortunately, Valek KNEW Jack would track his movements this way because he actually needs Jack for a very specific purpose.
Here we see a drove of Douche Bags in their natural habitat.
You’ll just have to watch and find out what that purpose is, if Jack succeeds in stopping Valek, and the oh so shocking turn of events that puts all their lives in jeopardy.
Yeah, this is just as bad as I remember.
I haven’t read the original novel so I can’t compare it to the film. I like the idea of the band of slayers going around ridding the world of vampires. It’s a bit trite that they’re lead by Jack, whose parents were killed by vampires so he has the whole revenge motive going on. And the group originally starts off like they're special forces or something but it becomes glaringly obvious early on that they aren’t as organized or tough or smart as we’re made to believe.
I mean, they know a Master wouldn’t leave a nest all alone (of which these guys just decimated) but hey, let’s celebrate anyway with a night of drinking and debauchery that would make Nero blush. What could go wrong?
There are a few times where we get the old ‘info dump’. Instead of showing us what’s going on, one or more characters just talk it out: the telepathic link, Jack’s upbringing, the Black Cross, Valek’s beginnings, etc. Very lazy.
I don't always act in crappy films. But when I do, John Carpenter directs them.
A few eye rolling moments: the slayers stay at the Sun God Motel. Really? Jack walks around in sunglasses most of the time, even indoors, and that is supposed to make him look like a hard ass or something. Even when the Master bites the hooker, he goes for her inner thigh so it looks like he’s sucking on a few other things. I know vampirism is basically a metaphor for sexuality but that’s a little bit TOO on the nose, you know what I mean?
Actually, I kinda liked that part.
I did like the idea that the slayers keep a priest in the group at all times. And, anyone who knows me will see this as no surprise, I loved Valek. He was a great vampire. The scene were he and seven other master vamps rise up out of the ground one night is the best part in the movie.
That’s kind of pathetic, now that I’m thinking about it.
Otherwise, this is just a terrible film. Don’t get me wrong. I loved most of the actors in this. James Woods is brilliant in everything else I’ve seen him in. But for some reason, Carpenter just couldn’t direct the actors in any way that made their characters believable or even likable (except Valek - but that has a lot to do with me being in love with vampires).
I can only assume John Carpenter’s name precedes the title because the author didn’t want anyone to think his novel was this shitty.
Oh no! Someone has stolen Jean-Claude Van Damme's kidney and now he is out to get it back! Okay, so I know it's already a silly premise but that only gets this goofy ride started. This movie felt like it was trying entirely too hard to have any semblance of heart to it. I usually don't have anything that spoils the movie in reviews but I may let some things slip in this one.
Deacon(Van Damme) wakes up in a tub of ice and realizes his kidney was stolen. He calls some friends who may be able to help him track down his missing organ. Deacon's brother George(John Ralston) shows up to the hotel room as well but Deacon's friends coerce him into leaving. Deacon's closest friend Kung(Aki Aleong) tries to convince Deacon to let it go. The people that stole the kidney left money and medication and it may be better to let this go. Deacon declined, not saying why he wanted it back so bad. Kung allows his bodyguard to accompany Deacon(he gets killed entirely too fast).
How did Deacon end up in that hotel room? Well he agreed to go have a drink with woman he saved from a mean boyfriend. Are these people sure they want that kidney?
Fast forward now to why Deacon wants his kidney back. It's to save his brother's daughter(Adele Baughan). Really? You're supposed to donate a kidney to a family member and you're out doing shots hoping to get some cooz? And why not say that at the beginning? Kung was way more helpful once he found that out. What a dumb reveal. Nobody is watching this film to be blown away by twists in the story telling. They don't stop there with trying to shock the audience.
This was a dumb movie. If you want crazy action and some Van Damme fight scenes while he wears his sunglasses at night, go for it. He's a bit more creative with the obligatory splits he does in all of his movies so that was cool.
A seemingly well to do family has more than their fair share of issues. The business partner and friend, Christopher(Stephan Burgi) of the main character Markus(Sten Jacobs) has fallen on tough money problems. Markus agrees to help with part of the debt as it could have a negative impact on his life. Christopher's son Johannes who is creepily played by Jaspar Fuld, hears the money problem talk and it gets the gears in his head moving. It's evident that Christopher wants Johannes' help with the matter as he wants his son to befriend Markus' daughter Elisabeth(Nina Splettstober).
Markus attempts to give an appearance of a regular family guy but his regular secret trysts with a local male prostitute would paint him in a different light. His tastes in men turn into taste for boys. You can see that even the swinger sex he gets with his wife(Anna Altmann), Christopher and Christopher's wife(Natascha Zimmermann) are not enough to quell Markus' twisted perversions.
While Markus was in charge of watching Elisabeth and Johannes, he took a fancy to the 12 year old lad. He invites him to hang out with the family for a summer house grill in the yard. The only thing he didn't tell Johannes is it's only going to be the two of them. This turns into many meetings and we find there is more to Johannes than just a young naive boy hanging out with a pedophile.
This movie was difficult to stomach as there is really nobody in this film really likable. It's hard to find any redeeming qualities as this film is all about Markus and his lust for a little boy. This film was not enjoyable at all and I feel sickened having watched it. At no point does the film maker make an attempt to make what Markus is doing as being wrong. There is no social commentary as to Markus having a problem with being a pedophile, only that he has a hard time being faithful. On a side note, there was a coat hanger abortion in this film which is probably something that should have happened to this script before filming started.
Stanley Kramer directs this film about an interracial couple who are breaking the news of their marriage to their parents. This film was released in 1967 and the way of the world within the United States was different than it is now. This is a film that has seen it's share of remakes but nothing comes close to this classic.
Sydney Poitier plays the part of Dr. John Wade Prentice who wishes to marry Joanne Drayton(Katherine Houghton). Their on screen chemistry is absolutely wonderful. They played off of each other in a way that made you believe that, while in love, they knew to be a certain way around others. Poitier's character was nervous about the racial situation while the younger Drayton was surprised that anyone would take issue.
Much of the dialogue took some getting used to. The racial terms used in 1967 are not the same as we use today. It was not as if anything was meant by the terms, other than to be descriptive of the particular race.
Katherine Hepburn plays the mother of the would-be bride and really keeps this movie going as she is the voice of reason in the world. She sees how happy her daughter is with Dr. Prentice and realizes that is what is most important. Spencer Tracy's character grew the most within this film. Playing the part of Joanne Drayton's father, he wasn't too keen on the idea of the young couple but at the end when he delivers his speech to the entire family, you see how fantastic he is as an actor.
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner is a classic film worth viewing. Being filmed during a time when sixteen states did not allow interracial characters, this film was a huge risk. It was a pleasure to see and it's wonderful how far we've come as a society.
Columbia Pictures re-released Guess Who's Coming to Dinner in 2015 on blu-ray under the Twilight Time label. Extras include introductions by Karen Kramer, Steven Spielberg, Tom Brokaw and Quincy Jones; multiple mini-docs that talk about what went into the making of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner and the sacrifices made to make this film happen.
I also blog for Maskerpiece Theatre which is sponsored by MoviePass. See unlimited movies at a theater near you for a low monthly rate.
Richie Calhoun
Xander Corvus
Rocco Reed
Jack Lawrence
Natasha Nice
Kimberly Kane
Alyssa Branch
Kelly Klass
Synopsis
When children's writer, Paulina Connelly, decides to embark on a new career writing horror, she has no idea how it will completely change her life. Needing guidance, she seeks advice from acclaimed horror novelist, Wes Mueller. In their first phone conversation she feels an undeniable connection and agrees to meet with him. But, as their relationship progresses, information about his suspicious past comes to light causing her to fear for her own safety. Is Wes the man of her dreams?...or will Paulina be his next victim? Things aren't always what they seem in this quirky, suspenseful romance!
(Runtime - 1 hr. 34 mins.)
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In the film, LOVE IS A DANGEROUS GAME, despite finding great success with her series of "Molly the Magical Meerkat" books, children's book Author, "Paulina Connelly"(Natasha Nice), looks to make a career change, when she is inspired to pen a Horror novel, by the works of best selling Horror Novelist, "Wes Mueller"(Richie Calhoun). She finds his work, both edgy and exciting, which is just the type of stuff that she hopes to soon write herself. It takes some convincing on Paulina's part, but soon, she convinces her agent, Donald"(Jack Lawrence), to give her a shot. However, for Paulina, there is only one problem - she doesn't know where to begin. Looking for inspiration, who better to call, than the very man whom inspired her in the first place? Although he has an unlisted number, the savvy Paulina is able to locate and purchase Mueller's number online, and soon calls him up. Wes Mueller, who seems to live a secluded lifestyle, is at first, put off by the call. But when he learns of her identity, he is rather thrilled, as he explains that his niece, just so happens to be a fan of "Molly the Meerkat". From there, sparks conversation, followed with Mueller being glad to help her. The two soon hit it off, much to the chagrin of Paulina's sister, "Sara"(Kimberly Kane) and her boyfriend, "Craig"(Rocco Reed), who both believe that Mueller is a shady character, Because, after all, any Author who writes stories with titles such as "Torture Devices of the Soul" "Stungun City" and "Bullet in the Heart of Hate", must be crazy, right? Paulina initially blows it off, but it is when Sara and Craig locate an article in as issue of "Novelist Monthly". that things about Mueller, begin to look rather suspicious. The article, published one year ago, chronicles Mueller's 3 month stay in an institution, due to a mental illness. Could Sara and Craig actually be right? Could his story be far more fact than fiction? It's possible. And because of that Paulina shuts him out, although he continues to call. Fast forward in time a little, and it has been some time since she last spoke to Mueller. However, in a surprise, he unexpectedly shows up at her door, just as she is getting ready to go to dinner. So, is he there to slaughter her in cold blood? Not quite. In fact, he has a plausible explanation for everything, cluing us in on just has dedicated he is to his work. But that doesn't mean that the two can't have a little fun with Sara and Craig. When they show up to dinner together, Mueller is quick to assume the act of unhinged crazy person, much to the delight of Paulina, and the real life Horror of Sara and Craig. In the end, Paulina discovers that sometimes assumptions aren't always true, and that sometimes love finds you when you least expect it.
...way too easy...yes, folks, it's way too easy!! Way too easy, these days, to meander through the specializing websites, find that rare and obscure underground cult film from days gone past, click on 'pay', and wait a relatively short time for that cult film goodness to make it's way to the mailbox. Hardly the patience-testing chore that it once was...say, back in the window of opportunity of about mid '80's to mid '90's, when the Internet was in it's infancy, and considered pretty much exclusive 'geeksville' territory. Oh, yes...those splashy one-page ads, in one's favorite horror magazine (...oh, thank you, Fango, for taking a chance on those)...with the advertising, creatively barnstorming the small-time, minor-league video distributor and it's enticing wares...said advertising, taking up a good chunk of the overall cost of whatever film it was toting; oh heck, sometimes there wasn't even an advertisement, to that full-blown extent...just a mere squeak of a few words, tucked away in the back-paged classifieds. But oh, for the purveyor of shoestring budgeted, independent cinema, those 'few words' stood out and shone like gold...well, make that 'gold' that's been dipped in maggot-populated putridity, and reeked of still-festering 40-year old snot from a 20-year old corpse...
Allie Haze Lexi Belle
Kimberly Kane Zoe Voss Xander Corvus Chad Alva Tony De Sergio Synopsis In Lost and Found, David (Xander Corvus), a swinging bachelor who's tired of his old ways, can't believe his luck when Jen (Allie Haze) moves in next door. After being uncharacteristically at a loss for words, David is helped by his roommate, Steve (Chad Alva), who devises a scheme that is certain to bring Jen and David together. Is there no limit to what a man will do for a shot at love? Find out in this adorable romance about a man, a woman and the little pup that brought them together by nearly tearing them apart.
(Runtime - 1 hr. 58 mins.) ———————
In the film, LOST AND FOUND, "David" is a young bachelor, who has has spent most of his young Adult life searching for love. However most of his discoveries have resulted in only one night stands. When his latest night out ends just as they always do, with the woman(Zoe Voss), just up and leaving the next morning, David is quick to voice his frustration to his couch potato roommates, Steve"(Chad Alva) and his girlfriend, "Vicky"(Kimberly Kane). It is then that Steve and Vicky note David's attraction to the new neighbor, the attractive "Jen"(Allie Haze), who has just moved in. David acknowledges his liking to the new girl next door, but can't fathom a way to break the proverbial ice. David just so happens to run into Jen as she is out walking her dog, "Boz". It is a rather casual exchange between the two, as "Boz" seems to take to David. Ironically it is "Boz", that would soon set things in motion. That's because, soon when Jen leaves the house to go shopping with her friends "Meg"(Lexi Belle) and "Roger"(Tony De Sergio), "Boz" gets out, and somehow ends up in David's backyard. When he finds him, he reports it to Steve and Vicky, and it is Steve that has a radical idea. It's an idea that he believes will get David closer to the girl of his dreams. Steve thinks that they should hide the dog, while David pretends to know nothing of his whereabouts. Steve thinks it's a surefire plan, but David, the nice guy doesn't go for it....initially. However things change when David goes to return "Boz", only to find Jen isn't home. And of course when David returns home, things sort of gravitate to Steve's original plan. The roommates hide "Boz", and soon, David and Jen develop a relationship as they do things such as go on walks and post up missing posters around town. David knows that he has done wrong to arrive at this point, but loves the attention and affection that Jen gives to him. Which makes it even more complicated, when the two start to fall for one another. It is at that point, that David is faced with a dilemma. He knows that he must return "Boz" eventually, but will doing so cause a rift in the good thing that he has found with Jen? As it turns out, he would eventually have no choice but to finally tell Jen, when Steve and Vicky mistakenly let their cover slip. Jen, is of course, is devastated by the revelation, and vows to never speak to, or see David even again. But, as with every great story, fate soon steps in, when it is "Boz", the dog that started the whole ordeal, that brings them back together again.
The camera's in focus, the colors are luscious and the girls are all pretty – kind of sort of. It's as good as it gets for the twilight of Golden Age Porno. Both The Young Like It Hot and Sweet Young Foxes were released just before video killed the porno star. This Video Syndrome pairing will send lots of old perverts waxing nostalgic – among other things! – as well as younger folk, late to the party of filmed flesh.
The Young Like It Hot concerns a small telephone company and the randy lads and lasses who keep it running. When the operators' jobs are threatened with automation, supervisor Hyapatia Lee – long brunette locks and legs up to here, tells the gals to give their customers a more “personalized” service. This entails handing out lots of specious bedroom techniques to couples on the other line. There is also lots of lame comedy. A construction worker (Joey Sivera) asks blonde bimbo switchboard jockey questions about electrical wiring. “I don't know anything about electricity, but my boyfriend always told me that I light up a room!” Har-de-har-har. The bimbo's advice – “Choose the yellow wire! Such a positive color!” leads to near fatal accidents and unbridled hilarity.
Women play with their pussies, get eaten out, suck dick, fuck – everything ends happily!
The extra for this film on the Vinegar Syndrome DVD is an interview with porno stalwart Bill Margold – and what a raconteur he is! I've met the gentleman in person and he can spin a yarn, I tell ya … well, anyway, he talks about his part in the film as an obscene phone caller. The scene indeed is a rarity: a solo male masturbation in a heterosexual porno. The story is simple and unadorned, Margold did as he was told – some of his filthy talk was appropriated by the character of the like-minded Paul, played by the late Paul Seymour Hoffman in Todd Solondz' Happiness (1999)! – and he was later informed years later by a college student that his scene was a positive influence on his overall social development. Whatever.
Sweet Young Foxes has even less plot: Three rather mature college
Again, women play with their pussies, get eaten out, suck dick, fuck – everything ends happily! Familiar fleshy appendages belong to such fuck film favorites as Cara Lott, Ron Jeremy and Kay Parker are all trotted out with cheerful abandon!
The extra for Sweet Young Foxes is an interview with porno director extraordinaire Bob Chinn, who comes off as a nice, normal, workaday guy pressed into the skin trade. He relates how his wife had to wait until their children went to bed before she could bang out scripts on the kitchen table for the next day's shoot. Chinn's interview ends abruptly, when he admits that he just got sick of the porn business.
Vinegar Syndrome has done their usual exemplary job of creating a sparkling transfer for these long-in-the-tooth one-handers. The colors are beautiful and the photography is way above the norm for projects of this type. There's no real reason to pass up on these sweet young foxes, so if this is your thing – dig in!
coeds in a luxurious home have the summer in front of them following their freshman year (Lee) and decide to get laid as much as possible.
(This just in on the Vinegar Syndrome web site -- this edition was limited to only 2,000 copies -- and is already sold out!)
Steven St. Croix
Richie Calhoun
Derrick Pierce
Danny Wylde
Penny Pax
Kimberly Kane
Claire Robbins
Eva Karera
Synopsis
From AVN Award-Winning director Eli Cross comes a story of spies, international intrigue, assassins, and prostitutes of every sort... sexual and political. As ruthless spy Anthony faces a midlife crisis, he must decide whether to keep playing the kiss and tell, murder and mayhem game, or retire. But retire to what? And what about Katherine, the seemingly normal artist, who just happens to kill her patrons after sex... who Anthony quickly becomes entangled with in a deadly game of cat and mouse. If you like your porn hot, nasty and layered, Wetwork is your film. With three anals, a beautiful San Francisco location, and the budget of a mainstream film, this is Eli Cross at his best... and it doesn't get any better than that.
(Runtime - 2 hr. 33 mins.)
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In the film,WETWORK "Anthony" is a legendary spy, who is at a crossroads in his life. He wants to give up his secret, and calculated profession after years of carrying out hits around the world. After executing one last hit in Paris, he says that's it. However, after returning home to California, he finds that he just can't give up what he's best at, and decides to take on the next mission. The mission? To trail and the execute a woman named "Katherine Mox". On the surface, to everyone else, Katherine is an upcoming artist who's appearing on the cover of various art magazines. But to the people at Anthony's agency, Katherine Mox, is a cold-blooded assassin. An assassin, who's good with a gun, but even better with a knife. While initially Anthony tries to keep a low profile, by posing as a journalist from Vanity Fair, who looks to do an article on Mox's success in the art world, it doesn't take the savvy Katherine long to figure him out. As the two of them meet head on, they come to discover that not only was Anthony hired by a man named "Singer"(Bryn Pryor) to kill Katherine, likewise he had hired she to get rid of Anthony, whom "Singer" now sees as an unstable liability. With Anthony and Katherine now both wanted individuals, their enemies become common. But none are worse than the man who hired both of them - the elusive "Singer". As a love affair grows between Anthony and Katherine, Anthony reports back that he has killed his target, all the while, he and Katherine work together to close in on "Singer". They soon do, but in the film's last act(Which ends beautiful in an abandoned warehouse), there is a twist to this tale of assassins and spies, which throws deception into the mix, resulting in an intense conclusion.
India Summer Dylan Ryan Nina Hartley Sadie Lune Devi Carol Queen
Ryan Driller Mickey Mod Andre Shakti Christian Wilde Chris Ryan (Non Sex)
Synopsis In Marriage 2.0, beautiful Bay Area documentarian India (India Summer) wants to love unconditionally - we all do - but as she pushes the boundaries of her relationship with her long-time boyfriend (Ryan Driller), she finds that tearing down boundaries is much easier than creating new rules to live by. Lost in this new cultural landscape of the open relationship, India seeks the sage advice of luminaries such as Christopher Ryan (bestselling author of Sex at Dawn) and Nina Hartley (in an equally sexy, poignant, and hilarious performance as India's mother) - but will she follow it? Set against the vivid, natural beauty of Northern California and San Francisco - the cultural epicenter of the alternative relationship movement - Marriage 2.0 celebrates a modern redefinition of the committed relationship as a springboard for adventure, where unfettered physical and emotional intimacy can fuel our passion while strengthening the bond with those we love. Megan and Eric
(Runtime - 2 hr. 7 mins.) ———————
In the film, MARRIAGE 2.0, "India"(India Summer) is a documentary filmmaker who lives in San Francisco. For 8 years she has enjoyed a relationship with a man named "Eric"(Ryan Driller), who himself, works as an artist and writer. Much of their relationship, we find has been happy, however we learn that part of the reason for that is because India has allowed some adjustments. In other words, she has allowed an open relationship on Eric's behalf. And because of this, Eric has another lady, a younger blonde, named "Kara"(Dylan Ryan), which he occasionally sees. But while she how allowed Eric to have relations with others, she herself, has chosen to remain monogamous. It is something that has not bothered her until now, when the topic becomes the topic of a current documentary piece she is now working. The documentary, titled "Marriage 2.0" is centered around Monogamy, and it's alternative variants - particularly, open relationships. In her interviews for the documentary, she talks to Author Chris Ryan and his partner, Cacilda Jetha who argue the case for open relationship opposed to traditional monogamy. The talks, with these professionals, friends and her mother(Nina Hartley),cause India's thoughts, when it comes to being with only one partner to soon change. It all starts when a getaway she plans for she and Eric, must be postponed because Eric has plans to take Kara out for her Birthday - that's when the jealously finally sets in for her. However, things reach their peak when during a dinner party(which includes a full blown orgy), she finally meets Kara for the first time, and then later catches Eric and Kara in the middle of a steamy sex act. From there, heartbroken and also jealous, India goes on the explore her side of the open relationship as well. However, although she enjoys experimenting and opening her self up more in terms of freedom, she soon accepts that she can love only one partner.
