Movie Review: Almost Invisible (2010)

I actually wanted to watch this instead of a mainstream, higher-produced, higher-budgeted film with A-list actors. What is wrong with me? CINEMA HEAD CHEESE HAS RUINED ME!!

Anyway… My next review is of yet another Chemical Burn film called Almost Invisible. It’s the deep and complex story of a group of young adults on a meaningful journey to find merriment. Also known as a bunch of dude-bros and their hos looking for someone’s house they can trash during a party.

Cue April, the not-important-enough Goth co-ed until she offers up her parent’s house for such a gathering. They’re out of town, you see, so you guys can party hearty there. Devin, the main douche bag, accepts, though no one else seemed too keen on the idea. But whatevs. We do whatever the King Douche says because, not-so-secretly, we are all douches, too.

Movie Review: Kill Katie Malone (2010)

Sorry it’s been a hot minute since I delved into the slooooooowly dwindling tower of DVDs I got from CHC. I’d like to say the holidays have been super busy for me but to be honest, I think I just got overwhelmed by the stack of suck staring at me every day from the TV stand...reminding me...that it’s full of suck...

Anyway, let’s get into the next one. *weeps*

Kill Katie Malone opens with a terrified young girl holding a box that obviously unnerves her. As she runs to grab something to set the cursed thing on fire, she trips over nothing (bitches always be tripping over nothing) and doesn’t succeed. When her father bursts in, trying to convince some unseen power to spare his daughter, it doesn’t listen.

Obvi.

Movie Review: Hold Your Breath (2012)

Someone needs to improve this Invisalign design that allows the wearer to drink alcohol while they’re in…

Hold Your Breath opens with a flashback in 1956 where the preacher-turned-serial killer (huh?) is about to be executed. Dietrich Van Klaus (evil German…how original) blathers on with some bullshit exposition from the Bible, gouges out his own eye, kills a guard, then they finally strap him down and throw the switch. 

*yawn* Edward DeLacroix’s death was much worse. Just saying.

We move on to the present day where a group of twenty-somethings are getting together for a camping weekend. (and OMG the girls are like soooo annoying. Like HIIIIIII!!) On the way to the campsite they pass a graveyard and Jerry (the blonde annoying girl) freaks the fuck out trying to get everyone to hold their breaths as the car passes because OMG THAT’S WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IF YOU DON’T WANT TO GET POSSESSED. GAAAAWD!

Stage Review: The Visitation (Space55)

Well, this is a first. I’m actually watching a play that’s been recorded on DVD. I’m not actually one for plays. I’ve seen a few. I’ve enjoyed a few. But on the whole (cue Dr. Evil…) I’m not really a play person. So I’m already going into this cranky.

No shade for any of my friends who have acted in or directed or were in any way involved with theatrical productions. Gods know I have no talent for it.

The Space 55 Theater Ensemble brings us The Visitation, an hour long (thank you sweet baby jeebus) story about a married couple, Samantha and Michael. In the wee hours of one night, Sam and Michael are arguing - mostly about his drinking - when they hear a car accident outside. In comes George carrying his possibly concussed wife, Evelyn. While they beg off the cops and ambulance (they don’t believe in that non-God sanctioned nonsense), they decide to hang around and wait for Evelyn to feel better.

Okaaaaay…

Movie Review: As Night Falls (2013, Breaking Glass/Vicious Circle Films)

...you've heard it all before, but it just has to be put out there, once again...Man, what's with kids, these days?? I mean...really, huh?? You painfully bring them kicking and screaming into this world...you reluctantly, though devotedly cater to their deliberating infant needs...you tolerate, and sometimes cater to their self-serving 'gimmee, gimmee, gimmee", if at the very least, just to keep them quiet...you lavish and spoil them with baubles and toys and things, only to have them reciprocate with wanting eyes of 'more, more, more' and 'is that all there is'...you begin to sound not unlike a vocally rapid-fire tobacco auctioneer, impatiently and frustratingly calling after the child, with '...no, no, No, No, NO!! NO!!' and '...come here, here, Here, Here, HERE!! HERE!!' and '...stop it, stop it, Stop It, Stop It, STOP IT!! STOP IT!!' Like, where's the gratitude, right?? It's not a wonder, that some parents go absolutely batshit crazy (...well, they do, right?), take a sharpened axe in hand (...well, they DO, right??), and in terrorizing and relentlessly barnstorming pursuit, take matters into their own hands, in...in...uh, let's just say 'taking care of business'...even well into a ghostly afterlife. As ludicrous and horrifically excessive as such a scenario sounds, in the interim...and although no specific reason is afforded the viewers of 2013's "As Night Falls", as to why the crazed and enraged spectral parent protagonists are crazily unabashed in violently snuffing out their child, even on a ghostly ethereal plane...our wayward observers, our cast of characters, herein these ghastly proceedings, just might serve the situation best, by either staying out of the way, and letting things take their course...or standing their ground, and fighting. What do they do, you ask?? As that guy on that old game show once anticipatorily shouted out, "...survey says...?!!"...

Movie Review: Documenting The Grey Man (2012)

It's tough to make a ghost story scary these days. It's especially tough when you have a bad script and worse acting. Let me take a few steps back here. I don't want to come out with fists flying at this movie. Combining genres can't be easy to do. Let's take this ghost story and insert it into a found footage movie. That should fix it. Nope. No, not at all. Hmm. These are two genres that I'm not very fond of, and they combine to make a movie I'm not very fond of. I really and truly don't like writing negative reviews. I'd rather enjoy every movie I see, but it doesn't work that way. Let's just take a look at the film.

Warner Bros. Motion Picture Imaging Completes Digital Coloring Of Female Action Filmmaker J.A. Steel’s “Blood Fare”

SALT LAKE CITY, UT. – On September 27, 2011, J.A. Steel, the award winning female writer and director, announces the completion of the digital coloring of her fourth feature film “Blood Fare.” The up-and-coming colorist, Jeff Pantaleo, completed the digital coloring on the newly developed Scratch workflow at Warner Bros. Motion Picture Imaging (MPI). 

 

“Blood Fare” is a Civil War ghost story with a modern twist, by J.A. Steel and Co-Producer Christian K. Koch.  It is the tale of Corporal Henry Trout (S. Edward Meek - “Wild Stallion”), who in 1861 fought valiantly in a forgotten skirmish after the first battle of Bull Run.  150 years later, he will come face to face with his descendants as the battle for blood continues on a haunted battlefield.  Tyler (Brandi Lynn Anderson from the upcoming Syfy original series “ZEROS”) and her brother Chad (Adrian West), Henry's fifth generation grandchildren, will challenge the very legend of Charon the Ferryman, as the lines between the living and the dead become blurred.