Movie Review: 21st Century Serial Killer (2013)

Holy shit, folks. A Chemical Burn Entertainment film that DIDN’T make me want to vomit, take a cat-o-nine tails to my back before swimming through an Olympic-sized pool filled with lemon juice, or gouge out my own eyes? Did...did the apocalypse happen? Has everyone been raptured and I missed it?

I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!!!

21stCentury Serial Killer is about Aaron, a milquetoast every guy who has a big dream -  to be a serial killer. Mostly it’s about being famous, being remembered. He tries to emulate some of the greats - Gacy, Bundy, Son of Sam - but there’s just one problem. He can’t even kill a fly, let alone a human being.

Eventually he meets a girl, settles down, and begins the routine life of a Post Office employee. While he still struggles with his murderous desires, a real serial killer is plaguing his town. With everything he’s studied over the years, Aaron tracks the killer before the cops catch him. Their chance meeting sets Aaron on the path to his dreams.

Movie Review: Almost Invisible (2010)

I actually wanted to watch this instead of a mainstream, higher-produced, higher-budgeted film with A-list actors. What is wrong with me? CINEMA HEAD CHEESE HAS RUINED ME!!

Anyway… My next review is of yet another Chemical Burn film called Almost Invisible. It’s the deep and complex story of a group of young adults on a meaningful journey to find merriment. Also known as a bunch of dude-bros and their hos looking for someone’s house they can trash during a party.

Cue April, the not-important-enough Goth co-ed until she offers up her parent’s house for such a gathering. They’re out of town, you see, so you guys can party hearty there. Devin, the main douche bag, accepts, though no one else seemed too keen on the idea. But whatevs. We do whatever the King Douche says because, not-so-secretly, we are all douches, too.

Double Review: Retirement of Joe Corduroy and Skin Eating Jungle Vampires

Since one of the films I’m covering today is a short, let’s make this a double review, shall we? You’re welcome. Though after reading the second review, you may die a little inside.

The Retirement of Joe Corduroy (2012)

This short film is a nice little slice of revenge exploitation. I’m not saying it’s superior to most that are already out there but only using up 25 minutes AND still getting me to care about the characters is a pretty neat trick.

Joe is a retiring dentist. He’s not all that thrilled at the reality but seems he can’t do much about it. He and his nephew, Spencer, are really close and share a love of guns. I think it’s implied that they share a lot more and have a great relationship but the guns are the main focus here. One night, Spencer is jumped, mugged, beaten, and left for dead. As he lies in a hospital bed, comatose, Joe whispers a promise to him - “They’re all gonna pay.”

And so Joe starts a new job of taking down criminals, vigilante style! 

Movie Review: 9 Days: Whipped, Chained, and Tortured by a Psychopath (2013)

All righty, folks. On to the next DVD in the stack. Let’s see here. Brought to you by Chemical Burn Entertainment…

Oh, fuck my life.

This next little slice of excrement was written, directed, produced, edited, additionally photographed by one fucking guy, Samuel M. Johnson. I know nothing about him or what’s about to go down but being distributed by Chemical Burn is a HUGE strike against him/this movie.

Funded by Kickstarter…

Oh, Fuck My Life.

9 Days: Whipped, Chained, and Tortured by a Psychopath (I shit you not) is a unique (read: not at all) tale about Virgil who kidnaps and tortures young women to make them worthy of asking God for forgiveness. They must evolve beyond victim into the aggressor and then move on before they are complete. Inspired by Dante’s Inferno…

OH, FUCK MY LIFE!

Movie Review: Anna: Scream Queen Killer (2013)

Chemical Burn Entertainment. When that popped up on the screen I couldn’t help rolling my eyes and shuddering in disgust at the same time. My last experience with this production/distribution company brought me Piranha-Man vs. Werewolf Man. I still have nightmares... But once this flick got rolling, I was pleasantly surprised at its quality. Well, maybe ‘pleasantly’ is too strong a word. I didn’t vomit, let’s put it that way.

Anna: Scream Queen Killer is about Anna (duh), a well known horror actress who’s been called to audition for some upcoming work. It starts out normal enough - she works through several scenes calling for her to be infected by an alien virus, to become a vampire, be trapped and afraid, etc. But each scenario the director asks for becomes more and more twisted and sexual. She’s also required to remove more clothing each time. Though obviously uncomfortable, Anna continues to comply in hopes of getting the job.

As the audition process drags on (and on and on…), it seems the director just wants to get his rocks off but for Anna, the lines between reality and make-believe begin to blur.

Movie Review: Sinister Visions (2013)

I didn’t realize this was an anthology flick until halfway through the second story. In my defense...no. I’m just slow. Chemical Burn Entertainment brings you five short films covering a range of themes: zombies, revenge, crazy, and more. Four come from our Nordic friends (Denmark and Sweden) and one comes from the US with our very own David Hayes.

Succubus

Emma is on a dig somewhere with lots of sand and rebels. After finding a sparkly egg, in a moment of panic she drops it, unleashing a dark smoke that takes up residence in her sinuses. This nasty little entity takes control of Emma’s body and does unspeakable things to any man she fancies - not in the sex way. Well, not all in the sexy way. And Emma can only watch from the bench.

My Undead Girlfriend

This begins with found footage recorded by the last known scientist left alive after an undead epidemic sweeps the country. Then there’s an ad for a company called Holdcare. Their business is to capture the undead and put them on a leash so you never have to worry about them. Okay…

The story finally begins with a man whose fiancé wakes up a zombie. But he can’t kill her because once they are married, he’ll come into some money and that will go a long way in paying back the loan shark he owes. He just needs to fool her parents into thinking everything is still normal and the wedding can proceed.

Movie Review: Sloppy the Psychotic (2012)

Send in the clowns...unless he's a recovering alcoholic who, once he falls off the wagon, goes on a killing spree that would make Jack the Ripper say WTF, bro?

Sloppy the Clown is Mike, a down on his luck guy who lives with his folks. The "Clean and Sober" signs everywhere indicate that because of a drinking problem, Mike has hit a bit of a rough patch while chasing his dreams. Fortunately, he does have the job he's always wanted: a performing clown. Much to his father's chagrin, Mike is very good at his job. That is until he man-handles a young child while she draws a picture that basically says clowns suck.

Of course, Mike is fired and when he arrives home, he leaps off the wagon and drowns his sorrows in what looks like peppermint schnapps. When he wakes up the next morning, there's a dead chick in bed with him. Slowly his memory returns, assaulting him with visions of rough sex and murder. So...drinking not only makes him an asshole but releases a psychotic rage. But a little dead-girl-in-mah-bed won't stop him from posting freelance clown for hire signs all over town.

Movie Review: The Experiment (2012)

Apparently being British does NOT automatically add an air of sophistication to any project. Their low budget horror is just as shitty as ours (mostly) is.

The Experiment is about a shady organization that is conducting some kind of experiment on the unsuspecting public. Through vague newspaper ads, this company lures in folks desperate for money. The only way they get paid is to take a drug that's designed to heighten female sexuality. Okay so maybe the ads are specific in their demographic but not much else. The company is only interested in finding the 'right' candidate.

Cue our main character (whose name I've forgotten because, honestly, I don't give a shit) who has just lost her job as an exotic dancer. For some reason her husband goes to her work to watch her dance and then gets jealous when men pay any attention to her. Huh? After a huge fight, of his accusations and she accusing him of not turning away the attentions of another dancer, she's fired. And a new divorcee.

Movie Review: Bloodline (2011)

by Peggy Christie

You know, for a vengeance flick, I expected the Italians to deliver something with a little  more Godfather and lot less Night of the Demons. Oh, well. We can't have everything.

Bloodline starts off with a happy little family traipsing through some happy little woods. Twin girls Giulia and Sandra run off to play hide and seek much to the delight of their folks who just wanna get it on. While Sandra hides, Giulia seeks. Within minutes, Giulia gets scared and mentally communicates with Sandra to knock it off and just come out already. You know, that whole twin-telepathy thing.

Movie Review: Lady of the Dark: Genesis of the Serpent Vampire (2011)

Directed by Phillip Gardiner

Starring Melanie Denholm

Eve is an ordinary married woman. A happy, spiritual woman who lives an idyllic life. But events take a turn for the worse when she is apparently bitten by a snake while meditating in her yard one night. And its not just a snake, its a vampire snake that bites her.

Its really hard for me to put into words how bad this movie was. The only thing I could compare it to would be getting water-boarded for an hour and fifteen minutes. In fact, I would happily eat a live centipede rather then watch this movie a second time.

Apparently, it is some type of concept film, and who knows, maybe Iam just not hip enough to get what the makers of this movie were trying to get across to the audience. In a nut-shell, here's how it went down through the first 45 minutes: Girl stares into her telephone, “Dear diary, Iam not feeling well.” Cut to a scene of the girl walking around the house ( insert horrible synthesizer music accompanied by a base cello). Girl staring into her laptop, “Dear diary, Iam having horrible nightmares.” Cut to a scene of the girl undressing (insert rock ballad song). Girl staring into the camera, “Iam not sleeping well at all, I wonder whats wrong with me?” Cut to a scene of the girl slowly walking up the stairs ( insert Celtic folk music). Girl is thrashing around in bed having a nightmare, (insert hard rock song). Now simply repeat that sequence, over.....and over.....and over, until you want to shoot yourself in the face with a cannon ball.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #27 - Anthologies, Muppets and Cat Pee

Jeff does the bulk of the work, since Kevin doesn't have much of a voice.

He does squeak out his reviews of The Muppets and The Defiled.

Jeff talks about A few anthologies, including Little Deaths, Chillerama and Astron-6.

The two share their feelings on the unique and disturbing Red, White & Blue.

Kevin then talks about this being the 100th podcast from Abnormal Entertainment, and he has a few important thank yous.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

Click on any of the links above to purchase at Amazon.com and support Cinema Head Cheese and Abnormal Entertainment!

Movie Review: The Defiled (2011)

We start by following what appears to be a zombie looking over an empty metropolis. After a few short moments, he's accosted by another zombie. The two go back to a makeshift camp. It seems that these zombies are able to function as some sort of a tribe or society. They take care of each other, feed each other and even have sex. In fact, the story really begins after our lead zombie's child is born and the mother is dead.

Buy The Defiled on DVD