Movie Review: Cleavagefield (2009)

I knew better. I knew better. I knew better. I knew that watching a movie called Cleavagefield would be a bad idea. I knew it would suck. I knew that there would be a lot of nudity and that, my dear friends, was the only reason I stuck around. Earlier in my film career I was dealt a horrific blow. Being young, broke and semi-retarded, I flew to the beautiful shores of California to be in a good friend of mine’s feature film. We were shooting a monster movie and, in my naivety, I thought this would be the greatest film ever made. It was not, in retrospect, but we did have fun and I made friends that have lasted in upwards of a decade. Nevertheless, during the production of this epic I learned a hard lesson. I had thought, due to my participation in boobie-filled masterpieces like Shower of Blood, that nudity of any kind was not only good, but necessary. I discovered, much to my own chagrin and completely by surprise, that there is such a thing as bad nudity. I know the twenty-somethings out there just sucked in a shocked breath and the sixty-somethings, bereft of mammaries of any kind for a long time, just shook their heads in shame. You thirties through the fifties, though, you know. The pair of ‘breasts’ that graced that film were not only horrible, but resembled two fly strips stapled to Alice Cooper’s chest. The title of the film will, of course, remain nameless, but the mental scars remain. These scars were re-opened by Cleavagefield and, not content to make me go fetal and sob like Jeff at a Chinese buffet, the bastards shot salty fluids into the wounds. Aargh.

Movie Review: Crimewave (1985, Embassy/Shout Factory)

...this viewer, like many of you out there, without a doubt, harbor an undeniable cherished spot for the early Warner Brothers 'Looney Tunes', and the classic MGM Tex Avery-produced cartoons. Those hilariously senseless and maniacally frenzied little snippets of animation, which once graced the sandwiched intermissions of many a theatrical double feature, and eventually relegated to Saturday morning kiddie viewing fare. Without a doubt, it had often been suggested...and at times, genuinely attempted...to translate such frenzied insanity and hilariously bent wackiness to live action motion pictures (...see 1966's "The Great Race" and 1980's "The Villain", just to name a couple). How unexpected is was, for fledgling director Sam Raimi...having just dismounted the cult cinemania whirlwind, with his campy, over-the-top horror entry from 1981, the now-classic "The Evil Dead"...only to throw HIS hat into the arena, as far as flying his own 'screw ball' banner, and taking on such unconventional material...'unconventional', as compared to "The Evil Dead", that is. And the result?? As notoriously patchwork, scattered and uneven, albeit outrageously nutty as 1985's wacky "Crimewave" is (...originally conceived as "The XYZ Murders"), it remains an intriguingly curious and odd little comedy ditty, which is inexplicably hard to turn away from, once engaged...a flavorful bit of comic film noir, that's seems missing a questionably undetermined ingredient, yet remaining equally questionable, as to why it's oh-so damn irresistible..

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #105 - Web of Lies

Kevin and Jeff discuss the recent reviewer scandals concerning Rex Reed's refusal to watch the movies he reviews and Lianne Spiderbaby's blatant plagiarism.

They also reviews a variety of movies, including the crazy doc Skull World, the moon Nazis filled Iron Sky, the creepy Mold and Bug, and the classics Demon Knight and Slaughterhouse-Five.

Don't forget to enter our Cannibal Fat Camp contest to win a copy of Dave's book!

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

You can always email us at cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com or tweet us @CinHeadCheese.

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Movie Review: Nacho Mountain (2009)

It never occurred to me that B movies could be NOT horror. I mean, if you don't have rolling heads and gushing blood and chewy entrails then what's the point? Well, Dirt Productions has answered that question with Nacho Mountain.

Keefer is your average 9-5 working man. He gets to work, jerks off to a lot of porn websites, takes bets on who can eat how much at lunch, jerks off to some more porn, collects his pay check and goes home to his girlfriend. When the boss man founds out just how much porn Keefer has been surfing, his ass is fired. When he gets home to break the bad news to his girlfriend, he finds her bonking a transvestite. Her excuse? Well, she wasn't quite ready for a threesome with another girl (you know, for Keefer's benefit) so she thought screwing a guy dressed as a girl would be a good start. Yeah. She's blonde.

So now Keefer has no job, no girl, and no place to live. While visiting with his local weed dealer, Coopy (played with an appropriate amount of hilarious twitching and tweaking by Armando Merlo), he's issued a ticket by the local Dukes o' Hazard doucheknockers, Officers Slivjak and Biggsley. As he relates his sob story to his buddy, Meegosh (I shit you not), a dimly lit light bulb moment occurs: Keefer should organize and run an underground eating competition.

Movie Review: The Howling (Collector's Edition Blu-ray, 1981)

Werewolves have always had a soft spot in my heart since I was a youngster taking in creature features on Sunday afternoons. The first couple films to really give me that burst of lycanthrope excitement were, John Landis’ An American Werewolf in London and Joe Dante’s The Howling.  There have been others like, The Wolfman, The Company of Wolves, Silver Bullet and even the more recent Dog Soldiers but nothing came close to the grand scale of those two classics. Scream Factory has thankfully taken the time to give Joe Dante’s film a loaded Blu-ray release for fans to salivate over, much like our canine friends. I recently got a chance to sink my teeth into it and, well, it doesn’t disappoint.

Dee Wallace Stone plays news reporter Karen White, a brave gal who helps the authorities by attempting to trap a serial killer. Things don’t over particularly after the cops gun down the killer as our heroine is severely traumatized by the whole situation. This incident calls for  some serious R & R for her, so she, along with her hubbie, William (the late Christopher Stone) take a journey into the woods to a colony of fairly friendly folks who are as hospitable as can be for the couple.

The couple starts to see that things are exactly what they seem, and that while they may be away from the carnage of the serial killer they could be somewhere worse – in the middle of a colony of ferocious, horny and very hungry werewolves.

Movie Review: Castle Freak (1995, Blu-ray)

Stuart Gordon's splash onto the horror genre scene in the mid 1980's with the superb film incarnations of H.P Lovecraft's short stories, Re-Animator and From Beyond was truly a thing of beauty. They had scares, heaping doses of splatter and surprisingly fun bits of humor throughout the films. Both movies literally made genre fans slip and slide on the ooey, gooey genius of the horror icon.

Both From Beyond and Re-Animator were produced through Charles Band's Empire Pictures, these critical successes paved way to a nice solid career that led to other, different projects. One such project, with Charles Band again and his Full Moon Features Company was Castle Freak. After hitting both VHS and DVD this uplifting story about a slobbering, grunting, flesh-eating cretin living in a castle basement is now on glorious Blu-ray.

Movie Review: Adjust Your Tracking: The Untold Story of the VHS Collector (2013)

Reviewed by: John Beutler

Directed by: Dan Kinem and Levi Peretic

Well, I'll be damned!! I'm not alone, in this obsession!! This viewer was recently elated to discover not being so much the misfit, as had originally thought!! I can now proudly peruse through my precious (...ooooo!! My precious...my precious!!) and treasured collection of rare & artfully boxed VHS videotapes, hang my head high, and know that I belong to a much bigger 'brotherhood'...a subtly growing brotherhood, which has remained stubbornly steadfast, in embracing and preserving the long-thought-dead VHS format. Yes, folks...I can now openly sing the praises, and revel in my fellow collectors' collective appreciation and passion, after having recently partaken of the amusingly spotlighting documentary, "Adjust Your Tracking: The Untold Story of the VHS Collector"...

In examining the arguably  warranted reasons for hanging onto these cherished relics...Is it merely because of certain out-of-print-and-now-ultra-rare-and-obscure film titles not yet released in a digital format (...just gotta quest myself a copy of the herein featured and suggested, ultra-rare and never-heard-of title, "Tales from the Quadead Zone", which several of the collectors in this documentary, pridefully gush over themselves, in possessing in their collections), and now worth tens, even hundreds of dollars?? Could it possibly be the exclusive-to-the-format, beautifully unique and artistically striking artwork on the video boxes, themselves (...my personal favorites, being amongst the exquisitely rendered, artfully original, old Wizard Video big-box tapes)?? Might it perhaps be the surprising durability of the format, itself (...especially those seemingly indestructable, clunky, back-breaking, 90-pound, top-loading machines), as opposed to the easily scratched and thusly, viewing-hampering digital format?? Or maybe it's for the outright nostalgic feel of the format (...those pops, scratches and dropouts surprisingly enhanced many genre movie titles, countless rented and played...almost giving the look and feel of grainy, well-worn 'grindhouse' prints), which many of us movie lovers/collectors remember oh so well. In general, it quite possibly comes right down to the fact that VHS was definitely the dawn of technologically collectable fantasy fulfillment, as far as regularly watching uncut and uninterrupted movies at home, in a format which afforded oneself the opportunity to building one's own personal movie collection. At any rate, no matter the reason, all such views and facets...and more are amusingly & candidly bantered about herein, by a colorfully enthusiastic, select group of characters, who appear most unswervingly dedicated to the cause of salvaging, embracing and proudly upholding the still-embraceable virtues of films rendered on the widely considered obsolete, albeit clearly still-to-some, quite alluring VHS tape format...a format not necessarily, exclusively and collect-ably embraced by merely the film content of the tape, itself...as this amusing documentive study reveals...

Movie Review: The Prowler (1981)

First off, I have to tell everyone that I love the slasher sub-genre of horror films. I cut my teeth on them as a wee lad and have appreciated the minimalist effectiveness of the good ones. I’ve also lamented to the heavens about the bad ones. Through the years, beginning around 1978, the slasher took off and began to set box office records. Classics like Halloween, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13^th and My Bloody Valentine set the stage for a horror boon market that had a pretty good run. The slasher film quickly became derivative and a mockery of itself as the ‘group of teens in danger from a psychotic mass murderer’ formula began to play itself out. The mid-90s saw a resurgence in the slasher film, most notably from Wes Craven’s Scream, that saw the sub-genre become self-referential, almost a meta-film wherein the audience, and the filmmakers, were fully aware of the cliché. The 90s also presented the world with prosumer home video equipment and that, my dear friends, is where the biggest issue lies. The slasher film, because of its budget-friendly nature, was the genre of choice for backyard hacks with a video camera and some dopey friends. This, more so than the original surge of product in the 1980s, has given the slasher film a bad reputation. It is good, though, to remember our roots and Blue Underground’s blu-ray release of The Prowler does just that.

Buy The Prowler [Blu-ray]!

Movie Review: Reform School Girls (1986)

"You're just a shit stain on the panties of life."

Would you ever say that to Wendy O. Williams? Neither would I. But apparently Edna, the matron of the Pridemore Juvie Home for Girls, doesn't give a damn.

Reform School Girls is a highly entertaining exploitation flick from 1986. Jenny has chosen a bummer of a boyfriend. Apparently she volunteered to be the wheel man for her beau's late night robbery and the resulting shoot out (but he promised no guns!) and car crash lands her first time offender tushie in reform school. Though she thinks the hard part is over (read: doesn't have to rot in jail with all the other hardened 15 year olds), Jenny is in for a rude awakening.

Welcome to Pridemore Juvenile Home, bitch.

Movie Review: A Haunting at Silver Falls (2013, Outsider Pictures)

...ya' know, one really has to wonder, just what is it about lingeringly restless and supposedly 'wronged' ghosts & specters...in particular, those of the cinematic fervor...and their ethereal and other-worldly stasis, forcibly tethered in this world...a torturous limbo...still managing to take with them, a wholly human, demandantly unswerving, relentlessly unforgiving and self-serving sense of justice and purpose?? Supposed 'unfinished business', as often coined...hauntingly insistent upon commanding the attention of the living, despite their limited and handicapped ability to fully communicate, and yet able to exude frustration, anger, rage and fury...sometimes physically...when those whom they are haunting, just can't seem to get the message, right from the get-go. And what about those haplessly haunted...forced to delve into uncertain mystery and intrigue...sometimes getting in way over their heads...in an effort to appease the haunting spirit, invariably plaguing them...

...come on, 'dead' people (...clap, clap); wake up and smell the afterlife...Let's get on with it, huh!!

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #104 - Emotional Hermaphrodite

Kevin and Dave talk about movies that made them cry, including a few embarrassing choices. Get your tissues ready for some spoiler tears.

Kevin reviews Ten Minute Podcast, the Vine app and a plethora of Vine feeds.

Don't forget to enter our Cannibal Fat Camp contest to win a copy of Dave's book!

Check out Kevin's latest Vine video in all of its beardy goodness here.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

You can always email us at cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com or tweet us @CinHeadCheese.

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Movie Review: Message from Space (1978)

To be honest, I only watched this film because I was looking for movies with Hiroyuki Sanada on Netflix streaming. Since I had already seen Twilight Samurai (excellent film, btw), the only other choice was Message from Space. And considering he was only 18 when the movie came out, I'm guessing he was trying to get some movie experience under his belt (after playing "fighter" in Shogun Samurai, another film that came out the same year). Doesn't really matter as I was entertained, mostly, by this cheesy sci-fi Star Wars rip off. It's one of those great films from the 70s where half the cast is American, speaking English, and the other half is Japanese, speaking Japanese but dubbed in English. Distracting in a way but it adds to the fun factor. Sort of.

The most annoying thing about this flick is the narrator, though, who has to tell us half of what's going on because they either couldn't afford to film it or they thought the audience would be too stupid to figure it out.

Gelusia (aka tree hugging hippies) is conquered by Gavana (not hippies so they're automatically assholes) a race of silver faced fighters who love war and conquering. Gelusia refused to submit and most of them are killed off. The King sends eight magic seeds out into the universe, which basically look like radioactive walnuts, to find warriors to fight for and save what remains of Gelusia. The King's daughter, Emeralida, and a Gelusian fighter, Urocco, will follow the seeds, pick up the chosen warriors, and return. And they follow in a literal ship, like a clipper with the big masts and giant sails. Like maybe Jack Sparrow should be heading up this mission.

Well, the Gavanians can't have that so they attack the ship. They don't stop it but they screw it up enough that it ends up being a wreck of a floater. But that's okay. We're about to meet a few of the chosen warriors as they stumble upon the Gelusian ship.

The Gruesome Slasher Movie That's Driving Real Horror Fans Wild!

We at Cinema Head Cheese really love the return of the Retro Big Box VHS releases, but even we have our own favorite that you MUST get your hands on before it's sold out for good. It's a little film called Bloody Bloody Bible Camp and it's only available from our friends at Cult Movie Mania. If your on the fence, see what our very own Kevin Moyers has to say in this rave review of Vito Trabucco's splat-tastic masterpiece

What other folks are saying about Bloody Bloody Bible Camp.

Cult Movies Magazine says, “...it’s the best slasher flick they’ve seen in years.”

HorrorNews.net calls it “...a twisted and perverted little masterpiece.”

And Blogomatic3000.com proclaims it to be “...a shining beacon of sleaze, perversion, and offensiveness. In other words, it’s fantastic!”

We couldn’t agree more.

But, in the world of horror there is one endorsement that holds more weight than any other.

Satan’s.

Let’s face it. Horror movies are pretty much a celebration of his handy work.

And just like horror fans and critics around the world...

Satan loves Bloody Bloody Bible Camp.

To get the RARE, LIMITED EDITION collector's set of this new cult classic, CLICK HERE.

Movie Review: Airborne (2012)

What could be better than a long flight with Mark Hamill?  Definitely not a movie about a long flight where Mark Hamill is an air traffic controller. This isn't the best way to start a review. I understand that. Listen, I don't like to bash unless something is insulting to watch. By that, I mean that someone either didn't try or didn't care.

Mark Hamill tried. Mark Hamill cared. In some ways, I feel like he's only one of a handful that did. This movie is definitely not on par with one of our favorite Twilight Zone episodes. You know the one. It just isn't. This was supposed to be terrifying, but something just didn't work. Call it lack of talent or lack of story. I call it lack of interest.

FEARnet Presents A "Reaper" Reunion Special

Hello everyone,

This is Jacob O'Neal from The Gorram Nerd Hour. Kevin Moyers had asked me to come over to Cinema Head Cheese to do a guest review for the blog. Knowing I am a huge fan of the short lived CW series Reaper he gave me the screener that was sent to him by the great folks at FEARnet. It started with a reunion special and then went into the pilot episode. The reunion special was roughly about a half hour and started with the four main cast members (Bret Harrison, Tyler Labine, Ray Wise & Rick Gonzalez) being interviewed about their time on the series. Later they were joined by Christine Willies, Ken Marino and the creators of the show Tara Butters & Michelle Fazakis.

What first struck me about this reunion was that each of the actors seemed to genuinely love their characters, miss the show and each other.  In fact, Ray Wise was dressed in a suit with one of the original neck ties from the show. Willies came out wearing horns and immediately began talking about her make out session with Labine on the show. Labine and Harrison both expressed their great love for the show and how the fans blamed them for why they didn't get a third season. The CW dragged their feet on renewing the show and each of those actors took pilots for new series. They also speculate as to whether that's the reason their other shows didn't do very well. Hell hath no fury like a Reaper fan scorned. Take that, Sons Of Tucson!

Movie Review: In a Glass Cage (1987, Blu-ray)

There was a time back in my more formative years (around the mid-90's) where I was on this kick to find the most disturbing or gross films ever made. Titles like Ruggero Deotato's Cannibal Holocaust, Pasolini's Salo: 120 Days of Sodom and Men Behind the Sun were some of my absolute favorites when it came to these amazing taboo-breaking films. Agusti Villaraonga's In a Glass Cage also stood high among these classic shockers.

Buy In A Glass Cage on Blu-ray or DVD

At the time there was no DVD, nor a good quality version of In a Glass Cage (I actually watched it in Spanish and I suck at Spanish!). The 2000's came and genre DVD/Blu-ray producer, Cult Epics put out a very nice DVD version with English subtitles. Cult Epics has done some fine work with recent Blu-ray upgrades so it was only natural to make Villaronga's notorious 1987 film a reality.

Cinematic Hell: Fist of Fear, Touch of Death (1980)

by Hal Astell

Director: Matthew Mallinson

Stars: Bruce Lee, Fred Williamson and Ron Van Clief


Buy Fist of Fear, Touch of Death on DVD

Bruceploitation is a wild and crazy world, one conjured into existence by filmmakers in Hong Kong, China and Taiwan after the death of Bruce Lee in 1973. Lee had been the breakthrough to whole new markets for them, becoming an international superstar and iconic figure around the globe, especially after Enter the Dragon, which was a Hollywood production shot mostly in English. Everyone knew who Bruce Lee was in the same way everyone knew who Charlie Chaplin was. Yet now he was dead and so couldn't make another movie. So they conjured up a successor. Actually they conjured up a lot of successors. What seemed like everyone in Asian cinema suddenly changed their name to either Bruce or Lee and they suddenly starred in films with portmanteau titles of other Bruce Lee movies.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #103 - The Black Widow of Cabot Cove

Dave discusses his love for a mystery solving Angela Lansbury. He and Kevin also talk about the rest of the elderly television sleuths, kids shows that starred adults and the many celebrities we lost over the last week. They also give their thoughts on who portrayed which DC superheroes the best.

Jeff chimes in with a few reviews, including Amerikan Holokaust and Lost Faith from CHC favorite Joel Wynkoop.

Don't forget to enter our Cannibal Fat Camp contest to win a copy of Dave's book!

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

You can always email us at cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com or tweet us @CinHeadCheese.

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Movie Review: Shoot First, Die Later (1974, Blu-ray)

Raro Video has taken it upon themselves over the past few years to release numerous classic film works from writer/director Fernando Di Leo. There was the excellent release of Live Like a Cop, Die Like a Man, a Blu-ray boxset with four of his finest films (Caliber 9, Rulers of the City, The Boss and The Italian Connection) and now the recently released Shoot First, Die Later in a Blu-ray special edition is finally available. If you’re itching for some no-nonsense, violent Polizia, Mr. Di Leo rarely disappoints.

Shoot First, Die Later centers around Domenico Malacarene (Luc Merenda, Torso) a not-so squeaky clean cop who lives slightly better than his fellow officers because he accepts money from the city's crime syndicate. Outside from a little corruption here and there, Domenico actually seems like a regular guy who likes to spend time with his girlfriend, Sandra (Delia Boccardo, Massacre in Rome). The only problem here is he gets way in over his head. His father also works in the police department but doesn't quite dabble in these illicit affairs.

TV on DVD Review: Todd & The Book of Pure Evil: Season 2

Anyone that knows me knows that I love this series. Unfortunately, this was the second and final season to air on Canadian television. Thankfully, crowd funding allows for an animated feature to wrap up the story. That's right, we'll see an animated move that will bring us the final act of the amazing adventures of Todd, Jimmy, Atticus and the rest of the crew. Before that happens, let's get into a little bit of the second season.

I'll do my best to give you a rundown without many spoilers, because you can find this streaming or on DVD, and I really want you people to grab on to this series and soak it all in. Those of you that saw the first season, however, can read ahead and get just a little taste of what's in store for you. It's phenomenal.