Movie Review: Mac + Devin go to High School (2012, Blu-ray)

Ice Cube is one in a million. He's the only rapper on the planet that should be allowed to write comedy. I'll be honest, I didn't go into Mac + Devin with any expectations. I'm just going to get right to it. Snoop Dogg and Wiz Khalifa came up with the story of a weed dealer and the school's top student getting paired up on a school science project. They play the lead characters, respectively. Though there is a mild reference made to Snoop being a high school student in his forties, it's still just stupid. There's an old woman principal named Cummings, an uptight white guy vice principal named Skinnfloot, and a slew of other terrible characters. I can't forget the poorly computer animated talking joint voiced by Mystikal. It's all bad.

Movie Review: Blood Creek (2009)

Directed by Joel Schumacher

Starring Henry Cavill, Dominic Purcell and Emma Booth I was actually pretty excited reading the trailer for this, Nazi's, zombies, and occult hi-jinx are all some of my favorite ice cream flavors. And when I saw that Dominic Purcell (Prison Break) was in it, I knew at least one bad guy would be getting punched in the face so I decided to give it a shot.

Buy Blood Creek on DVD

Movie Review: Maraschino Cherry

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Movie Review: Female Teacher: Dirty Afternoon (1981, Impulse Pictures)

Directed by Kichitaro Negishi
Starring Eri Kanuma, Yuki Kazamatsuri and Yuusuke Koike
Run Time: 68 minutes

A teacher, Sakiko Kurata, receives a phone call regarding one of her former students. Young Sueko is accused of being a prostitute and has requested Sakiko’s help. This little minx seduces strangers for sex, but does it for the sheer fun of it, no money required. Sakiko has moved to another town and barely remembers Sueku, but there is something about her that awakens painful memories of her own secretive past. What is that strange paint thinner smell on Sueko? Who is the man in the nylon mask that violently assaulted Sakiko many years ago? In her search for answers, Sakiko discovers that her past may have inadvertently destroyed another families future.

Movie Review: Hostel / Hostel II (Blu-ray)

Eli Roth's Hostel films has its fans and its even its very loud detractors that often label the talented (yes, I said talented) director a hack that's just interested in laying on the splatter and flushing any narrative down the toilet. I think their fun though as modern day exploitation.

Hostel I and II has just been released in a bargain double-bill Blu-ray pack by Mill Creek just in time for Halloween. Hostel begins with a group of young men traveling Europe looking to sew their oats. After some time in Holland rolling through the red light district the boys decide they want to hit Slovakia to try some of the girls out there. This does come at the risk of possibly being kidnapped and tortured by rich men looking for a thrill in killing Americans. Gore and humor are in abundance here with plenty of head-scratching moments to entertain.

Cinema Head Cheese: The Podcast! #69 - 69, You Get It? 69!

In honor of their 69th podcast, Kevin and Dave discuss their favorite sex scenes in movies. You'll be surprised what gets them going, as the titles range from action to comedy to horror.

Jeff also chimes in with his choices, and we can all be sure that there's something to make you shudder.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

You can always email us at cinemaheadcheese@yahoo.com or tweet us @CinHeadCheese.

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Movie Review: Whore Hospital (1997, Pink Eiga VOD)

Directed by Chise Matoba

Starring Rei Asakura, Myuu Aso and Kanichi Hiraga

Run Time: 61 minutes

Gather round kids, Pink Eiga is going Video-on-Demand and one of the their first releases is this little gem with one of the catchiest titles ever.....Whore Hospital. Where Chise Matoba, ( director of such pink classics as Maid in Japan and Orgasm Counselor), gives you a behind the scenes look at, well....lets just call it, “non-traditional” medical treatments. If your in Japan and feeling ill, this is the place to go because all of the nurses just happen to be nymphomaniacs. Got a broken leg? That's nothing a little screwing cant fix. Pneumonia? A prescription of blowjobs should do the trick.

Movie Review: The Taint (2010, Troma)

My copy of The Taint arrived neatly wrapped in pink paper, for all the world like it was the latest animated Barbie movie. The title of the film is inscribed on the disk in pink as well, even on the menu page. Yet the concept of this modern underground horror comedy gem is about as un-girly as you can get, even though the taint of the title in this instance is just a chemical that has been introduced into the water supply. When confronted with that title, my wife immediately thought perineum and I thought of the archaic term that IMDb reminds us hasn't been used for a century or so. This chemical carries more than social stigma though, it makes men misogynists, violent and raging misogynists with hobbies like crushing the skulls of women and wandering around with their wedding tackle in full view. Apparently writer Drew Bolduc worked his way through a hundred flesh coloured dildos to make this movie, and you don't hear lines like that every day.

The menu screen of the DVD has a whole slew of them, waving around behind Bolduc's head in a halo formation, as if he's a saintly Medusa being choreographed by John Waters masquerading as Busby Berkeley. It does highlight what we have in store for us, just in case we haven't seen the trailer, which I had. That's done in the worst possible taste and revels in it. What I wondered most after that little gem was how long Bolduc would be able to maintain the pace. After all, as the old joke goes, it may be bad taste to throw underwear at the wall but it's worse taste when it sticks. This film obviously aimed not just to stick, but to smear and leave a smelly residue, but would it keep us interested for an hour and a half? Well, it starts as it means to go on with naked breasts, severed faces and falling excrement, plus a dramatic maniac with a scythe and a lead actor with the same wig that got prominent use in Bad Taste, hardly a bad thing in my book.

Cinematic Hell: The Terror of Tiny Town (1938)

by Hal Astell

Director: Sam Newfield

Stars: Jed Buell's Midgets

Buy The Terror of Tiny Town on DVD

You knew this was going to turn up sooner or later, right? There's just no way I could resist adding to the ranks of Cinematic Hell something that the title card suggests is supposed to be 'a rollickin', rootin', tootin', shootin' drama of the great outdoors,' but patently isn't, at least not how you expect. It was produced in 1938 by Jed Buell who owned Jed Buell's Midgets (given that this was the golden age of the studio system, 'owned' probably had many meanings), who constitute the entire cast. Yes, folks, this is a musical western with an all midget cast, many of whom you'll recognise because they went on to play Munchkins the following year in The Wizard of Oz.

Movie Review: Mourning Wife (Pink Eiga, VOD)

“The Mourning Wife” is the latest offering from the great folks at Pink Eiga. Directed by renowned pink director Daisuke Goto. The film itself is a take on the classic 1981 film-noir “The Postman Always Rings Twice” which starred Jack Nicholson & Jessica Lang and adapted by the ultra talented David Mamet.

Let's start this review off by saying I was leery at first about this film. I'm a huge film-noir buff and a big fan of the original 1939 novel. So I was curious to see how all of the themes of the book would jell with a Japanese adaptation. Moving the location from California to Japan actually worked very well.

I was expecting your typical pink film when I started watching this but this film surprised me. That's right, this isn't your typical soft-core film. It's a well acted, superbly directed sensual Japanese film-noir. The icing on the cake is Masahide Iioka's gritty cinematography. The visuals alone bring back the feeling of Kinji Fukasku's crime films from the 70's.

Movie Review: Ratline (2011)

First and foremost, I apologize for taking so long to get back to the site. Now, since that is out of the way, I’ve got another admission to make: I think I love Emily Haack. Don’t tell my wife (although she’ll probably read this) but, as an artist, I love Emily Haack. She is absolutely fearless in her decisions and brings a fierce, honest intensity to her roles. I think a great deal of her success (aesthetically) as an actor is her role as a filmmaker. The realism and, like I said earlier, intensity that she brings to her films (regardless of budget) makes her work stand out. When you’re dealing with an Eric Stanze production, though, intensity is required. I thoroughly enjoy Stanze’s work, beginning with Ice from the Sun through Deadwood Park (and even I Spit On Your Grave, I Piss On Your Corpse). The newest offering from Wicked Pixel, Ratline, continues the tradition. Although the story is a bit convoluted, and there were some obvious issues in the execution of such, Stanze and Haack are back for another kick ass, no holds barred exploitation gem complete with Nazis, lesbians, true love and wholesale murder. What more could anyone ask for?

Buy Ratline on VOD or rent Ratline on VOD!

Movie Review: The Victim (2012)

Michael Biehn's has always put on some very solid performances as an actor over his 25 year plus career. Most notable in his supporting roles in numerous James Cameron classics (Aliens, Terminator and The Abyss), the genre has taken to directing recently. First, with his debut The Blood Bond and now with the backwoods thriller, The Victim, starring Jennifer Blanc-Biehn and the always lovely Danielle Harris (Halloween 4, Hatchet 2).

When a couple of promiscuous party girls hook up with some crooked cops in the woods for some blow and sex, things are bound to end badly. For one girl, Mary (Danielle Harris), it does. During some rigorous screwing next to some rocks, one of the said cops, Harrison (Ryan Honey), decides to snap her neck mid-coitus. Was it accidental or something he's done before? Mary's friend, Annie (Jennifer Blanc-Biehn) witnesses the aftermath and decides to take a run through the forest away from the two men.

Movie Review: Kill List (2012)

Certain movies gain attention for shock value or twists and turns. Kill List was getting this kind of attention before I even heard of it. At first, it's hard to figure out where that comes from, but as the story plays out, things start to get confusing, but not just for the viewers. Our two main characters get lost in the chaos as well.

We start with Jay, a man who has a tumultuous relationship with his wife due to money issues. Jay hasn't worked in eight months, and cash is dwindling. They try to hide their struggles from their preteen son, but he sees it all. After a dinner with his best friend Gal, Jay decides to return to work. It turns out that the two are hitmen, and they are tasked with a list of victims.

Movie Review: Bedevilled (2011, Blu-ray)

Korea has really been putting out some amazing horror films over the past decade. In my opinion the most sterling example has to be Jee-woon Kim’s I Saw the Devil but that doesn’t mean there aren’t going to be any other films to knock it off the Korean horror mantle. Well Go USA always seems to have the pulse of Asian genre films so it’s no surprise to see them pick up Chool-soo Jang’s Bedevilled for a home video release.

Hae-Won (Seong-wan Ji) is a Seoul-based business woman who has fallen on hard times at her workplace. After making the not so bright decision of slapping a co-worker in front of the boss she gets a “vacation”. Over the past few weeks Hae-Won was receiving letters from her childhood friend, Kim Bok-nam (Yeong –hi Seo) urging her to come back to the island of Moodoo where she grew up with her grandfather. Instead of a real vacation she chooses to visit her friend to get away.

Movie Review: Sasquatch - The Untold (2002)

Based on a true story. Based on a true story. Sorry, I thought if I repeated it the sentence would make sense. You see, I just sat through Sasquatch: The Untold and, if I had my way, the entire story would have remained just that. Based on a true story my fat, hairy rear end. The only true story this was based off of would have to be the terrible, desperate tale of a man that has way too much money and needs a tax shelter. This man hires Jonas Quastel to write and direct a movie that has no chance to succeed so he can at least have the write off. That man is the executive producer of Sasquatch: The Untold and he has absolutely no idea what kind of hell he has unleashed on us all.

Buy Sasquatch on DVD!

Movie Review: The Dinosaur Experiment (2013)

Not exactly sure why someone thought the world needed another dinosaur movie, particularly one that touts Lorenza Lamas as a ‘star’ of the film (can Lorenzo still be considered a draw when his screen time adds up to maybe 15 minutes?). You know, Jurassic Park set the bar pretty fucking high and this, sir, is no Jurassic Park.

The Dinosaur Experiment begins with crazy old Dr. Cane as he goes to feed his dinosaur. You heard right. He talks to the damn thing like it’s his pet, about how much he loves her, and how annoying his wife was but how easy it was to get rid of her. Wait, what?

Let’s a do a quick roll call for the rest of the cast, shall we?

Movie Review: Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas (2009)

Yep, that's what it's called. Monsters, Marriage and Murder in Manchvegas. This is what Jeff and his pals sent me to review this week. MMMM for short. Worth watching? Mmmm, not so much.

Buy Monsters, Marriage, and Murder in Manchvegas on DVD

I looked up the town of Machvegas on the urban dictionary: Alternative name for the city of Manchester, New Hampshire, USA. The word was coined by combining the first part of "Manchester" with the second word in "Las Vegas," juxtaposing Las Vegas's glitz and glamor with Manchester's lack of either. Used derisively. "So are we going out tonight?" "We live in Manch-Vegas. The hottest spot open this late is Wal-Mart."

So that answers that question. And like the town itself, nothing too exciting happens here. Oh, there are monsters, lots of talk of marriage, and even a few murders. But trust me. You won't really give a damn about any of them.

Movie Review: Nympho Diver: G-String Festival (1981, Impulse Pictures)

Directed by Atsushi Fujiura
Starring Eri Anzai, Rima Aono and Kazuyo Ezaki
Run Time: 68 minutes

Impulse Pictures is at it again with Nympho Diver: G-String Festival, which is DVD number 7 of their Nikkatsu Erotic Films Collection. Its also the fourth film from the collection I’ve been lucky enough to review and the best of the bunch that I’ve seen to date.

A once thriving Japanese village is in dire need of young, beautiful ladies to help with diving duties. Times are tough and the current diver is definitely no spring chicken (although she is still sporting a nice rack), so the mayor’s son finds some fresh, nubile young tarts to fill the positions. As with most of these films, plot quickly takes a back seat to the “action”, as the arrival of the new recruits gets a rise out of the villages male members. Let the sexy games begin! This one even culminates in a celebration in which the new diving girls parade around in their tiny bathing suits to bring in cash-laden tourists.

Movie Review: The Barrens (2012, Anchor Bay)

Directed by Darren Lynn BousmanStarring Stephen Moyer, Mia Kirshner and Erik Knudsen
Run Time: 94 minutes

The Vineyard family has packed up and headed into the woods of New Jersey for a camping trip which is supposed to revolve around the spreading of the ashes of Richard Vineyard’s father. Upon getting to the campgrounds, things aren't quite the way Richard remembers them being as a kid, so he decided to pack up once again and head deeper into the woods and away from the crowds of partying teenagers.  And the deeper they trek into the woods, the more strange and unexplainable things they begin to experience. Soon the stakes are raised and the trip becomes a game of life and death.....are they being stalked by the legendary Jersey Devil? Or is the true source of the terror coming from someone or something much closer to home?

Movie Review: The Regenerated Man (1994)

Directed by Ted Bohus

Starring Pete DeLorenzo, James Benvenuto and John Bianco

In this take on the Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde theme, Dr. Robert Clark and his research team are working on a new formula for the regeneration of human tissue. Dr. Clark grows impatient with the testing procedures and decides to try the formula on himself. Soon after, a couple of his missing toes grow back, causing great excitement for the research team. Unfortunately, later that evening the lab is broken into by thugs looking for gold (huh?), frustrated with not finding anything of value in the lab, the thugs decide to play rough and administer the Dr. their own little cocktail of random chemicals from the lab counter. Apparently this doesnt agree with the Dr.'s tummy and he soon transforms into a guy in a cheesy rubber mask......uh, I mean....a powerful mutation (complete with pulsating cranium), hungry for human flesh and capable of shooting little bone darts out of his finger tips. When the Dr. reverts back to human form, he has no recollection of his transformation.